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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSD booked afternoon tea but not paid

785 replies

bluefloweronyellow · 03/02/2022 23:18

So it's my birthday on Saturday. DSD and her DH have booked me and DH in for posh afternoon tea on the Sunday afternoon at top restaurant.

I thanked her tonight for such a thoughtful gift etc and asked her to clarify time and is there a reference number for the gift etc

She gave me a photo of the reservation booking and said it's all booked under my name and have a wonderful time I just have to pay on the day Confused

So the gift is she reserved a table. This is so like her. She genuinely thinks she's given me a gift. I gently asked again, to be clear, I pay on the day and yes, that way I can have whatever I want.

I'm just flabbergasted.

AIBU (clearly fucking not but feel free to comment if you disagree)

Oh, and I'm going to go as I do like the place and you do have to book well in advance but never heard that making a reservation is the gift!!!!

OP posts:
knittingaddict · 04/02/2022 13:11

@bluefloweronyellow

Wow. So many responses. Didn't expect this.

An update. DH has had a word with son in law. He will make sure booking is paid in advance for us. Flowers also on their way, probably organised by his secretary.

I know this is more make enabling but it is what it is. She's not my DD so not for me to accost her.

I say again, she's a nice girl but very in a bubble.

Any future children will be fine (some expressed concern). There will be a full time nanny no doubt to do day to day. She's incredibly nice and kind and very loving. Honestly. Just ditzy.

You are all infantilising this woman.

I'm very much doubting the veracity of this thread.

bruffin · 04/02/2022 13:12

ignore my post above posted in error

PegLegAntoine · 04/02/2022 13:13

Hopefully her DH will at least have a word with her now about how she did a Really Stupid Thing.

Hopikins · 04/02/2022 13:15

Nobody is that dense...tell her straight. If she does this with other people she will be throughly disliked.

NoLongerTroels · 04/02/2022 13:20

I have a SIL like this, totally batshit crazy, but her heart is in the right place and we love her, she hasn't tried the booking and pay for your own present. But I could see her doing that. Luckily they had a nanny for the children who are now grown, or god knows how they would have turned out.

KerryWeaver · 04/02/2022 13:22

An update. DH has had a word with son in law. He will make sure booking is paid in advance for us. Flowers also on their way, probably organised by his secretary.

I'd love to hear the son-in-law's view on this. Better still, the secretary's perspective.

diddl · 04/02/2022 13:23

Has she never bought & paid for a birthday present for anyone then?

Always paid for her own?

saraclara · 04/02/2022 13:24

I'm pretty certain that if the step child was a minted 32 year old man, there'd be a lot less hilarity on this thread.

nettie434 · 04/02/2022 13:26

I'm glad you won't have to pay for the birthday tea Bluefloweronyellow. I don't agree with the posters who have suggested your DSD has a learning disability. It's just that most women rarely get to see what it's like being one of those women who attract the chivalrous knights. I've had to be a 'competent adult', as La Chanticleer puts it, but I'd love to know what it's like being indulged. A version of Miss Pettigrew lives for a day! .

LadyAddle · 04/02/2022 13:34

@Scoot75
Your mind is beautifully off the wall, I love it. Make a gaffe with the afternoon tea, so send him off to lunch with the llamas! I picture him as an infuriated silver ball in the grips of Scoot75's pinball machine.

TatianaBis · 04/02/2022 13:36

What a great gift idea. I'm off to book a hair appointment for my friend's birthday.

JeremyWadesBigRod · 04/02/2022 13:37

@JauntyJinty

I wonder if she's so rich that what an afternoon tea costs just doesn't register to her as an amount of money.

Reminded me of a woman who spent about £20 on one sister and hundreds on her other sister for Christmas - it wasn't the snub is sounds like, just she saw gifts she though they would each like and bought them. She had enough money that £20 or £300 was essentially the same to her!

Yes, Our DS2 is in danger of becoming like this. He just doesnt put monetary values on things. Earns more than his parents combined income. He bought me a £200 jacket for Christmas and his DF a football mug. Grin But he is a sweet person who really looks out for what people might like and buys things all year round.
whynotwhatknot · 04/02/2022 13:38

its not kind nor cute

youre all enabling her-hope you enjoy you tea anyway

Silversprinkles · 04/02/2022 13:43

@LuckySantangelo35

Why didn’t your husband speak to his daughter rather than her husband?
Yes just seen OP's update. Yet more enabling from her DH, the non-Dad to Miss Useless. Great Hmm

Wonder how things will go if/when her DH wants a newer, fresher wife to dote on? She will run home to Daddy I assume. Hope you're looking forward to funding and looking after a middle aged woman in your retirement OP Grin

IntermittentParps · 04/02/2022 13:43

@saraclara

I'm pretty certain that if the step child was a minted 32 year old man, there'd be a lot less hilarity on this thread.
I was thinking this too.
Silversprinkles · 04/02/2022 13:45

@Daisymaybe60

This reminds me of when my friend asked me to make her a large Christmas cake - she'd be paying for ingredients, of course.

I do make a great Creole Christmas cake, if I say so myself - all the best, expensive ingredients and loads of booze, so not cheap. She was so grateful, asked what the cost was. Then told me the next day that she'd donated that amount to charity. So win, win, she said. Grin

I didn't point out the obvious. She's a lovely, generous friend and just didn't think, and I'm happy to make a donation to charity. It did make me laugh though.

@Daisymaybe60 aye right, so sure she donated to charity? GrinI reckon she got a free cake and you fell for it Wink
Allsorts1 · 04/02/2022 13:48

OMG! You just have to laugh really. This is the weirdest thing I have heard on here 😂 I hope you enjoyed the 5 minutes gift of time that she gave you by booking this for you!!

diddl · 04/02/2022 13:50

"He bought me a £200 jacket for Christmas and his DF a football mug."

I'm thinking though that he did at least pay for them himself?

caringcarer · 04/02/2022 13:50

Do you think she wants you to order and pay on day but will then refund you?

Newestname002 · 04/02/2022 13:51

@Daisymaybe60

This reminds me of when my friend asked me to make her a large Christmas cake - she'd be paying for ingredients, of course.

I do make a great Creole Christmas cake, if I say so myself - all the best, expensive ingredients and loads of booze, so not cheap. She was so grateful, asked what the cost was. Then told me the next day that she'd donated that amount to charity. So win, win, she said. Grin

I didn't point out the obvious. She's a lovely, generous friend and just didn't think, and I'm happy to make a donation to charity. It did make me laugh though.

I do hope you are on alert for future occurrences of this open-handedness with YOUR time and money. Certainly get the money upfront if there's a next time. 🌹

Ileflottante · 04/02/2022 13:57

Wow what a dreadful enabling and infantilising response.

She's so fucking precious that no one can tell her that she's been a rude, tight arsed, thoughtless bitch to her father and mother in law so they just carry on picking up her mess so she can treat more people like shit.

She's not ditzy or dippy she's horrible to her closest family.

This is doing her no favours. It is storing up a horrible shock for her in the future when she can't keep friends because people are sick of her being a sponger.

I quite agree. Also looks don’t last forever. When she’s an old crone she won’t be getting away with this sort of shit anymore 😂 I can’t believe people this stupid/self-involved actually exist in real life…

Newestname002 · 04/02/2022 13:58

@LookItsMeAgain

I know this next bit is a bit grim but picture the scene when you're no longer around and her husband is also no longer around....what does she do then? She won't have any real life or real world experience and think that the fairies pay for everything (because they have in the past) and she'll end up absolutely not self sufficient.

I think she will be absolutely fine... 🌹

Belladonna12 · 04/02/2022 14:01

@saraclara

I'm pretty certain that if the step child was a minted 32 year old man, there'd be a lot less hilarity on this thread.
I think the opposite actually.
JanetheObscure · 04/02/2022 14:02

Is there any chance at all that your DSD thought it would be nice for your DH to take you out to tea (forgetting, in her ditzy way, to run this past him), booked it to save him the trouble and will actually be giving you another present?

The alternative, that she didn't realise that by tradition one pays for the birthday presents one gives as a grown woman, really doesn't add up. She is 32. She has given presents before and unless every single relative and friend, every year, has had to pay for their own tea and laughed it off, then she knows full well how it works.

ImInStealthMode · 04/02/2022 14:03

I wish I knew this was a thing, we could have saved a fortune taking MIL out for her 70th!

Joking of course, YADNBU OP.