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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSD booked afternoon tea but not paid

785 replies

bluefloweronyellow · 03/02/2022 23:18

So it's my birthday on Saturday. DSD and her DH have booked me and DH in for posh afternoon tea on the Sunday afternoon at top restaurant.

I thanked her tonight for such a thoughtful gift etc and asked her to clarify time and is there a reference number for the gift etc

She gave me a photo of the reservation booking and said it's all booked under my name and have a wonderful time I just have to pay on the day Confused

So the gift is she reserved a table. This is so like her. She genuinely thinks she's given me a gift. I gently asked again, to be clear, I pay on the day and yes, that way I can have whatever I want.

I'm just flabbergasted.

AIBU (clearly fucking not but feel free to comment if you disagree)

Oh, and I'm going to go as I do like the place and you do have to book well in advance but never heard that making a reservation is the gift!!!!

OP posts:
JanetheObscure · 04/02/2022 10:06

God, this is both funny and quite awful at the same time.

Assuming she's been in your life for a while, has she done this before, or have you had real presents? What does she give her dad? Her friends?

I have a DSD who's a bit younger. If she did that to me (which, naturally, she absolutely would not), I would expect my DH to have words with her - and I don't think he'd need to be asked.

amusedbush · 04/02/2022 10:09

@Ionlydomassiveones

So your DH is minted. You’re minted. She’s minted. Life is wonderful for you all. You can enable the ditsy princess because money is no problem. So this was a stealth brag post. Nice one. You had us all frothed up for nothing.
The OP didn't say her husband is minted, she said her stepdaughter's husband is minted.
CailleachGranda · 04/02/2022 10:10

@minniep

I'm not finding this one bit funny. She sounds like a right pain in the arse. How will she learn if no one pulls her up on it. I'd deliberately refuse to go to the afternoon tea and tell her why. She needs to cop on. She is fine and clever and plays a great game.
I'm with you

We haven't had tea spat out yet, but so many posters think this is "hilarious"

She sounds overindulged and any normal person would pull her up on this. None of this "awww bless" shite

Georgyporky · 04/02/2022 10:13

Send her a photo of the bill.

NYnewstart · 04/02/2022 10:21

@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross

Good grief, she’s certainly seen you and her father coming, hasn’t she? She sounds the absolute queen of manipulative cunning if she’s capable not only of pulling this off but having the two of you just clucking indulgently and chuckling about how adorably dippy she is.

It sounds as if she’s got everyone in her world on an absolute string. She’s not the thick as mince one in her circle, I’ll tell you that!

Definitely some truth in this 😂
Danielle2500 · 04/02/2022 10:24

Is her name Nessa and lives in Barry Island by any chance? 😁

AryaStarkWolf · 04/02/2022 10:25

@bluefloweronyellow

She's 32 and dense. Not mean or anything but not a thinker.

She genuinely thinks she's given a gift.

DH rolled his eyes.

"not a thinker" that's the loveliest way I've heard someone say a person was stupid ever bahahaha

That's hilarious though, how odd

CurzonDax · 04/02/2022 10:26

Why is everyone enabling this adult?

Her own father just rolling his eyes? He should have nipped this sort of behaviour in the bud years ago (when he was bringing her up!).

Her own husband not saying anything? I'd never do this to anyone, but I'd imagine if I did, my DH would very quickly step in, and insist we pay, and would remind me of how rude it would be otherwise.

You sat with her, and asked her confirm that it was just a reservation/not paid for, and said nothing at the time? Noone did? You are then going to actually do and send her a photo, which she will assume is a 'thank you'? I'd either call up and cancel the reservation (and just rearrange for another time to treat yourself, whilst you are on the phone), or I'd be politely thanking her for the reservation, as you are of the waiting times, but point out, that whilst you are looking forward to it - it is actually a birthday gift from your husband/ a treat to yourself, as you will be the ones paying for the 'present'.

Your DSD is selfish and entitled because everyone enables her to be so.

Sceptre86 · 04/02/2022 10:26

Why can't you point it out to her? It's not really a gift if you have to pay for it and in that case could choose to go to lunch instead or somewhere more inclined with your budget?

She's 32 and a princess. Maybe it's time for Sleeping beauty to get a reality check? You do her a disservice by letting her carry on like a numpty.

Sceptre86 · 04/02/2022 10:27

*more inline even

LadyGagagagaga123 · 04/02/2022 10:29

She sounds exactly like Denise from The Royale Family. Lazy, thoughtless and thick as fuck.

Soremama · 04/02/2022 10:29

This thread is hilarious and OP hats off to you because I’ve just come here to read your responses Grin

But honestly, can your DH not have a word because surely she can’t go through life with this approach? She just sounds like a bit of a spoilt idiot haha!

Lolliepoppie · 04/02/2022 10:34

If you accept this gift, it will be the default from now on. Where will it end? She books you a holiday in the Maldives and…you have to pay?

“I appreciate the thought but I simply can’t afford that at the moment. We can’t go. Please can you cancel?”

Anything else is encouraging her poor behaviour.

Gowithme · 04/02/2022 10:35

Away with the fairies and lacking all social awareness but no malice, not a thinker (socially) but went to uni, has unusual angles on things, thinks tax is a con and doesn't get it - is it possible she has ASD ? A lot of what you've said I would recognise in my ds with ASD.

HollowTalk · 04/02/2022 10:38

How can you make a booking without paying? I've never heard of that. Surely that's the whole point, that the business is guaranteed money?

DetectiveFlorence · 04/02/2022 10:38

That's hilarious!

Can you imagine how far you could take this? why stop with afternoon tea somewhere!

" Dear MIL, I have booked you a special Caribbean Cruise for your 60th birthday..all you have to do is show up at Southampton ....oh and pay £3'500 cost. No, no, no need to thank me..you are worth it!"

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 04/02/2022 10:39

For her birthday just get her a gift bag. Tell her she just has to buy herself something to put in it!

Toanewstart22 · 04/02/2022 10:39

@HollowTalk

How can you make a booking without paying? I've never heard of that. Surely that's the whole point, that the business is guaranteed money?
You give credit card details They take nothing Unless you fail to adhere to the cancellation policy
Teaforme123 · 04/02/2022 10:42

Crikey! You have a great attitude and I'm glad you find her so innocently naive however I think she knows exactly what she's doing and is getting away with it!

DetectiveFlorence · 04/02/2022 10:42

Sorry, I mean it's hilarious in a loose way..I probably mean more staggering and incredulous.

Agree with posters saying she needs pulling up on this immediately. I don't think she is a thick as you think she is.

As amusingly weird as this is, you can't enable this behaviour by letting her think that this is OK.

DorisFlies · 04/02/2022 10:42

I absolutely would be sending her the bill and my bank account details and comment on how nice it was to be allowed to choose what you wanted on the day. Otherwise you are colluding in appalling behaviour which just isn't funny IRL

Brainwave89 · 04/02/2022 10:46

My mum once told me a story of someone who gave her back a pack of butter she had borrowed the previous week. Only problem was she was walking round Sainsburys before getting to the till. This sounds a bit like the same thing

LuckySantangelo35 · 04/02/2022 10:47

She doesn’t sound thick to me at all, sounds like she has very cleverly managed to get you all to collude with a narrative which lets her off with unbelievably shitty behaviour. Her behaviour is rude and disrespectful and is in no way ‘ditzy’, Charming or funny behaviour to be indulged

Cherrysoup · 04/02/2022 10:48

She’s playing you for a fool, nobody is that dense.

Rollonspring1111 · 04/02/2022 10:51

Unless she is going to turn up and surprise you in the day?

I have never known anyone do that before.
If she genuinely thinks she has given a gift and isn't just pulling a fast one, then I sort of feel sad for her.