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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSD booked afternoon tea but not paid

785 replies

bluefloweronyellow · 03/02/2022 23:18

So it's my birthday on Saturday. DSD and her DH have booked me and DH in for posh afternoon tea on the Sunday afternoon at top restaurant.

I thanked her tonight for such a thoughtful gift etc and asked her to clarify time and is there a reference number for the gift etc

She gave me a photo of the reservation booking and said it's all booked under my name and have a wonderful time I just have to pay on the day Confused

So the gift is she reserved a table. This is so like her. She genuinely thinks she's given me a gift. I gently asked again, to be clear, I pay on the day and yes, that way I can have whatever I want.

I'm just flabbergasted.

AIBU (clearly fucking not but feel free to comment if you disagree)

Oh, and I'm going to go as I do like the place and you do have to book well in advance but never heard that making a reservation is the gift!!!!

OP posts:
seekinglondonlife · 04/02/2022 09:41

If it's a high demand hotel I would have thought she'd have to pay a booking fee? Maybe that's her present?

KylieCharlene · 04/02/2022 09:43

I'd book her a reservation as a thank you for your gift.
She can't be so unworldly that she doesn't know what's she's done.
I think she's being purposefully mean to you.

Gastonia · 04/02/2022 09:44

This reminds me of years ago when self-service supermarkets started. My aunt had run out of tea, and her neighbour gave her a packet. When she went out to the supermarket that week, she put tea in her trolley, so she could give a packet back to her friend.

As she wheeled her trolley round, she happened to bump into the friend. She reached into her trolley, and gave her the (unpaid-for) tea! The neighbour took it, and didn't say anything! t was only later at home that she realised...

hardboiledeggs · 04/02/2022 09:45

Wow. I’m 32 as well I cannot understand how anyone over the age of 12 doesn’t get how that works Shock are you sure she’s dense and not just at it to see if she gets away with it?

Shoxfordian · 04/02/2022 09:45

She sounds very special Hmm

diddl · 04/02/2022 09:46

@C8H10N4O2

Honestly, you'd like her. She's very nice. But very poor social awareness

She is 32. Isn't it time she learned some basic manners and consideration for others?

So she has always paid for her own birthday presents & therefore thinks that that is what people do?

She sounds thoughtless & uncaring to me.

grapewine · 04/02/2022 09:46

@MintyGreenDream

If she goes to a shop does she understand you have to hand money over or does she stand there blankly at the till?
Why would you think she goes anywhere without adoring husband's credit card?
silverbubbles · 04/02/2022 09:47

she clearly doesn't like you

ChrimboGateauxCatto · 04/02/2022 09:49

Gosh please book her a reservation (only) for something she'd enjoy for her birthday / Xmas.

OpheliaTrousersnake · 04/02/2022 09:53

@IntermittentParps True. A bit of piss-taking does tend to have a medicinal effect on even the dippiest child.

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 04/02/2022 09:53

PLEASE don't go OP. It will only encourage her. God knows what your xmas "gift" could end up being....

IntermittentParps · 04/02/2022 09:54

[quote OpheliaTrousersnake]@IntermittentParps True. A bit of piss-taking does tend to have a medicinal effect on even the dippiest child.[/quote]
Grin

AllOfUsAreDead · 04/02/2022 09:54

Jesus that's the best parenting your husband could do? I'd be embarrassed if I was him. Confused That's actually incredibly embarrassing for him that his daughter is that dense and that precious that she thinks everyone else pays for everything and she just never does.

Did him and his ex screw up any more children or just the one? Hoping they only released one of these on the world, multiples would be quite bad.

Cherrybomb197 · 04/02/2022 09:54

This is absolutely hilarious.

Gonnagetgoing · 04/02/2022 09:56

I know someone a bit like this. Tall, natural blonde and good looking. Has had a few boyfriends in her life and was indulged and spoiled by her DPs. Her younger sister had a big weight problem last time I saw her so unsure if she had similar.

She, like your DSD, is similar re her character, education etc but I don't think quite so dense re gifts. But she can certainly play the ditsy blonde act to perfection and get what she wants. Backfired a bit in past few years when she met and settled down with a nice man with property left to him by his DPs who he was caring for. They bought a nice place in the country and I think she was hoping not to work or work part time but then he got very ill, 3 x and she's now working and doing something else on the side (not saying anything else as outing). I think him being so ill etc has finally given her a wake up call in her morals/actions as before when she rented anywhere to live, she'd go for the cheapest rent, cars she'd drive into the ground and then just get a new one and she was very mean e.g. if she lent you money it'd be asked back for immediately. When she last worked she had a good job too.

Your DSD knows exactly what she's doing, but plays the Ditsy Princess part as it's worked well for her so far. None of you are doing her favours enabling this now.

Oh and she doesn't like you.

sociallydistained · 04/02/2022 09:57

This is hilarious but would be better if you both told her this isn't a gift!! I can't believe you're even considering sending her a photo and awaiting her "you're welcome" response, there's just no way! She needs telling. From what you said about your husband treating her like China and money is no object, it's somewhat understandable how she got to this place but she could do this to a friend and it is embarrassing. People she loves needs to tell her this isn't on!

Toanewstart22 · 04/02/2022 09:57

@AllOfUsAreDead

Jesus that's the best parenting your husband could do? I'd be embarrassed if I was him. Confused That's actually incredibly embarrassing for him that his daughter is that dense and that precious that she thinks everyone else pays for everything and she just never does.

Did him and his ex screw up any more children or just the one? Hoping they only released one of these on the world, multiples would be quite bad.

Good parent

It says a LOT about how she’s been parented

And it’s not positive

Toanewstart22 · 04/02/2022 09:58

Good POINT

JauntyJinty · 04/02/2022 09:59

I wonder if she's so rich that what an afternoon tea costs just doesn't register to her as an amount of money.

Reminded me of a woman who spent about £20 on one sister and hundreds on her other sister for Christmas - it wasn't the snub is sounds like, just she saw gifts she though they would each like and bought them. She had enough money that £20 or £300 was essentially the same to her!

L0stinCyberspace · 04/02/2022 09:59

@L0stinCyberspace

"No, honestly I don't want to be mean but surely this is a sign of learning disabilities or very below normal IQ?"
@Momijin
@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

No it isn't. Those of us who have children with LD's do our best to bring them up to function in society. Is your go to always to be insulting towards those who have LD's? People with LD's still work, know what constitutes a gift etc.

This is a sign of being a spoilt bastard and ineffective parenting.*

Stop right there. My point was if she has an unrecognised LD then she could hardly be judged (here on MN, or in life) on what ostensibly seems shoddy behaviour towards her SM. You'll know as well as I LD's are varied. My beloved sibling with a LD once thanked a begger for "offering" them money and took a coin, when approached by them. It was very funny when it happened but sad too; they completely mis-read the situation.

By commenting as I did, I wanted to question if the OPs DSD really understood, not mock people with LD's, which would be abhorrent to me also.

Iputthetrampintrampoline · 04/02/2022 10:02

Sorry op but you all sound batshit and away with the fairies to me, I think you should go and pay for your own birthday treat from someone who obviously thinks the world of you well thinks enough of you to give you half a gift at best,Shakes head in disbelief and meanwhile in the real world......

TempName01 · 04/02/2022 10:02

Message her and say - thank you so much for the gift, just checking does the restaurant already have your card details or do you want to transfer me the money after? Really looking forward to it, such a generous, thoughtful gift xoxo

gogohm · 04/02/2022 10:03

I know someone similar, didnt get through university though, it was too much. Sweet as anything but can't deal with life - she works in retail, entry level same till for 20 years!

whatnumber · 04/02/2022 10:05

This is very funny.
I've ready your updates op and just wanted to say you sound great 😍.
What a great attitude you have to go and enjoy yourself. I would be tempted not to go just to make a point, but your approach is better.
Have a great time!

OpheliaTrousersnake · 04/02/2022 10:06

@whatnumber

This is very funny. I've ready your updates op and just wanted to say you sound great 😍. What a great attitude you have to go and enjoy yourself. I would be tempted not to go just to make a point, but your approach is better. Have a great time!
I agree with every word of this.