Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSD booked afternoon tea but not paid

785 replies

bluefloweronyellow · 03/02/2022 23:18

So it's my birthday on Saturday. DSD and her DH have booked me and DH in for posh afternoon tea on the Sunday afternoon at top restaurant.

I thanked her tonight for such a thoughtful gift etc and asked her to clarify time and is there a reference number for the gift etc

She gave me a photo of the reservation booking and said it's all booked under my name and have a wonderful time I just have to pay on the day Confused

So the gift is she reserved a table. This is so like her. She genuinely thinks she's given me a gift. I gently asked again, to be clear, I pay on the day and yes, that way I can have whatever I want.

I'm just flabbergasted.

AIBU (clearly fucking not but feel free to comment if you disagree)

Oh, and I'm going to go as I do like the place and you do have to book well in advance but never heard that making a reservation is the gift!!!!

OP posts:
busyeatingbiscuits · 04/02/2022 09:19

She's never going to learn if no one tells her her mistakes.

Your husband needs to call her and point out it is only half a gift.
If she is lovely and well off (but just a bit dim) as you say, she'll correct her mistake immediately.

CounsellorTroi · 04/02/2022 09:20

Perhaps her thinking is that it would never have occurred to the two of you to treat yourselves to afternoon tea out, so that just by booking you a table she’s done you a massive favour.

But it’s still ridiculous.

Blueuggboots · 04/02/2022 09:21

Why on earth would you not kindly pull her up on this? You don't have to be horrible about it but honestly? She's got to 32 and thinks this is acceptable? Fuck that!!

adriftabroad · 04/02/2022 09:23

@CaroleFuckingBaskin

Book her a 3 night stay at the ritz for hers
I was going to suggest a week in the Maldives.
KerryWeaver · 04/02/2022 09:24

DH rolled his eyes.

Has he always done this?

Surely, your DH should have a word with his daughter. This is as much for her sake as much as yours.

Bollindger · 04/02/2022 09:25

Praise your husband for treating you to tea.

Facebook it with pictures, and cute comment about how he took you and picked up the bill. How lucky you are to have him, and how he even said he would even would buy you dinner.
Then when she says she booked it, say yes, but all the credit goes to husband because he paid, and he really is a sweetie.
Then get her a link for a car worth thousands and tell her Happy Easter you hope she liked her gift and she can pay when she orders it.

mamaoffourdc · 04/02/2022 09:25

Yep dh has to contact her and let her know!

IncompleteSenten · 04/02/2022 09:25

Do the same back.
I loved what you did for my birthday so I thought I'd do the same for you

RG2468 · 04/02/2022 09:26

The DM will love this I think! What a bizarre thread.

girafferafferaffe · 04/02/2022 09:27

Excellent, what are you reserving for her next birthday? Grin

OpheliaTrousersnake · 04/02/2022 09:27

PMSL My DD did this when she was about 17 (booked cocktails in a v fancy place for both of us - then it turned out I was paying). I didn't half take the piss out of her. We went anyway, though, and had a lovely evening.

OP, you sound fab.

buddylicious · 04/02/2022 09:27

I'm sorry but your DH is enabling her!

He should say something and also tell her that you are going to cancel because, if you have to pay yourself, you will go somewhere of your choice.

When it's her birthday, I'd suggest you give her an empty box or bag from an upmarket store that she loves! She can then go and actually but the gift herself!

IncompleteSenten · 04/02/2022 09:28

Meant to say that if you do that, you will know in an instant if she truly is lovely but clueless.

I'm betting she would not be happy and the ditzy shit is an act.

Only one way to find out

minniep · 04/02/2022 09:28

I'm not finding this one bit funny. She sounds like a right pain in the arse. How will she learn if no one pulls her up on it. I'd deliberately refuse to go to the afternoon tea and tell her why. She needs to cop on. She is fine and clever and plays a great game.

lottiegarbanzo · 04/02/2022 09:28

If she's barely worked and everyone around her is rich, it's not surprising that she's still stuck in the child mentality of expecting other people to pay - because they always do.

I think a lot of us can be a bit like that with parents and parent-figures. Being so used to being 'looked after' by them that it wouldn't occur to us to offer to pay for a dinner with them, or even a shared holiday - often because they wouldn't expect it either and enjoy doing nice things for/with us.

PasswordEarth · 04/02/2022 09:29

That’s not a gift.
I’d have to come up with some clever message about thank you for making the booking, my purse is now lighter. Or something far more clever

RosiePosieDozy · 04/02/2022 09:29

Wtf Grin I think you need to raise this sort of behaviour with her. Not in an argumentative or nasty way but kind of a perplexed 'we had a really nice time but it wasn't a present from you Confused ' This would only work face to face I think though as if you texted something like this, it would seem like you were having a go at her.

She might be away with the fairies but she shouldn't treat you like this. She's an adult. I've encountered rude people in social settings before and the group are all 'ahhh what is she like'. Being mean or rude shouldn't just be accepted.

OnlyAFleshWound · 04/02/2022 09:29

I agree. You must do the same (type of thing) for all of her forthcoming birthdays.

IntermittentParps · 04/02/2022 09:30

@OpheliaTrousersnake

PMSL My DD did this when she was about 17 (booked cocktails in a v fancy place for both of us - then it turned out I was paying). I didn't half take the piss out of her. We went anyway, though, and had a lovely evening.

OP, you sound fab.

I think the crucial differences are a) by taking the piss out of her you (kindly and funnily) let her know where she'd gone wrong and b) she was 17, not 32!
MintyGreenDream · 04/02/2022 09:32

If she goes to a shop does she understand you have to hand money over or does she stand there blankly at the till?

rambleonplease · 04/02/2022 09:33

I think this is hysterical, as in something from a sit com funny...Vicar of Dibley Alice!!

Initially I thought she must be a kid, maybe a teenager. But when I read she is 32!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣 oh dear. Daft as a brush clearly.

theemmadilemma · 04/02/2022 09:34

@HardbackWriter

I really don't think she's either as nice or as clueless as you think she is.
This. No adult without learning difficulties is that stupid. She knows full well that it's not a gift. She gets away with it because you're all rolling your eyes at her rather than addressing it.
PasswordEarth · 04/02/2022 09:35

@IncompleteSenten

Do the same back. I loved what you did for my birthday so I thought I'd do the same for you
Oo this is good too!
Toanewstart22 · 04/02/2022 09:37

This is all so so weird

Weird that the SIL does this
Weird that no one says “say what??” Directly to her
And weird how the OP harps on how beautiful and lovely and how we’d all like her if we met her

It’s like a weird comedy farce with an undercurrent of unrequited love!

LuckyWithMyLot · 04/02/2022 09:37

Are you sure she doesn't mean that you pay on the day so you can have what you like and then she reimburses you? If not, this is hilarious.