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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSD booked afternoon tea but not paid

785 replies

bluefloweronyellow · 03/02/2022 23:18

So it's my birthday on Saturday. DSD and her DH have booked me and DH in for posh afternoon tea on the Sunday afternoon at top restaurant.

I thanked her tonight for such a thoughtful gift etc and asked her to clarify time and is there a reference number for the gift etc

She gave me a photo of the reservation booking and said it's all booked under my name and have a wonderful time I just have to pay on the day Confused

So the gift is she reserved a table. This is so like her. She genuinely thinks she's given me a gift. I gently asked again, to be clear, I pay on the day and yes, that way I can have whatever I want.

I'm just flabbergasted.

AIBU (clearly fucking not but feel free to comment if you disagree)

Oh, and I'm going to go as I do like the place and you do have to book well in advance but never heard that making a reservation is the gift!!!!

OP posts:
SpiderinaWingMirror · 04/02/2022 08:37

That is hilarious! Love it.

MintyGreenDream · 04/02/2022 08:40

That is so cheeky it's hilarious

BarbaraofSeville · 04/02/2022 08:41

@Supersimkin2

How clever to be that stupid.
Yes, lets hope she's clever enough to plan for the likely scenario that her DH gets fed up of supporting her and/or trades her in for a younger model.

Or if he dies or is otherwise unable to work and bring in enough money for the both of them.

If she ever does have to stand on her own two feet, it's going to be a very hard landing for her.

She sounds like one of the members of a sporting club I'm in. The equipment is quite specialist and also heavy. Your life literally depends on it functioning correctly so from day 1 you're taught to be responsible for it, look after it and do all the checks. People do help each other out of course, but you need to know what you're doing.

There was little sympathy for this young lady who would stand around expecting someone to do all her fetching, carrying and tweaking, while they were busy doing their own sorting out and she spent a lot of time looking Shock and Confused because she found herself in the car park with her kit still in bits all around her and everyone else ready to go.

Choirgirl30 · 04/02/2022 08:43

Make sure you give her the receipt next time you see her! Grin

Inastatus · 04/02/2022 08:44

OMG, I thought I’d heard it all but this is a new one on me 😂😂

DedalusBloom · 04/02/2022 08:45

Unfortunately you won't be able to book her 3 nights at The Ritz because they'll want a pre authorisation credit card. With OPs luck her Step Daughter would waltz out at the end of her stay and she'd get charged!

I know a few women like this - they all have adoring husbands who pick up the bill for everything - so it's entirely possible she thought you'd go for tea and your husband would pay - because bills just seem to sort the self out around people like this.

I'm not making excuses - she'd have felt my metaphorical boot up her arse long before now, just trying to extract some sense from quite a sad and disappointing situation.

stuntbubbles · 04/02/2022 08:47

Make sure you give her the receipt next time you see her!
Actually this would be an amazing reciprocal “gift”: get the receipt nicely framed, with a mount and glass, wrap it with a bow, and present it as her birthday gift “to treasure the memory too”.

Hankunamatata · 04/02/2022 08:47

And you have never pulled her up in this behaviour?

She isn't twinkly and kind. She thoughtless and self centred. God help her kids if she has them.

paintfairy · 04/02/2022 08:47

I think you are encouraging her by going and absolutely shouldn't go. She knows what she's doing. She's clearly not a nice person. And even if she doesn't know, then she should. Why has no one taught her this? No wonder the world is full of awful people. They are just allowed to get away with it. I pity the next person she does it to.

ArrrMeHearties · 04/02/2022 08:50

She's booked you a table and not paid for it?? Is she for real that's bloody terrible of her. The point of booking the table is you actually pay for it as the actual gift

PegLegAntoine · 04/02/2022 08:53

Does she have friends? Does she have children?

What are these interesting angles on things?

LookItsMeAgain · 04/02/2022 08:53

I'm with the others here. She hasn't given you a present. By not saying something to her, you're complicit in aiding her learned helplessness.

I'm sorry but I think she needs a kick up the arse to get her act together.

tiktokontheclock · 04/02/2022 08:56

This is my SIL all over. She'll say things like "I'm taking mum to tea", multiple times. And then her mum will pay for tea.

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 04/02/2022 09:00

Oh come on!

Stop being so pathetically indulgent of her. She's not lovely or dippy she's a selfish mean twat.

Why would you fawn over her when she's been tight and thoughtless?

Growbean · 04/02/2022 09:00

I am imagining her as Alice Tinker Grin

ShirleyPhallus · 04/02/2022 09:00

I don’t know what’s better, the OP or the progressively more angry responses as you go down the thread. This is someone you don’t know, about a situation which has zero impact to anyone else’s life - why all the aggy angst?!

Bonheurdupasse · 04/02/2022 09:03

@gonetogroundnow

Reading this thread there is no wonder there are so many hostile situations written about regarding step families on this forum.

It is not OP's responsibility to educate her 32 year old step daughter and frankly at that age, the damage is already done.

It's not a gift and it's pretty shit but I wouldn't be even entertaining the idea of pulling her up on it.

Sadly this is true....most likely OP had to disengage early on as she wasn't allowed to even have an opinion let alone a say on the DSD's upbringing. And if she tried she'd be greeted with a chorus of you're not the parent / you knew what you were getting into from many.
diddl · 04/02/2022 09:07

Oh well if you keep putting up with it then it'll keep happening.

An eye roll from her dad & you're going anyway so no wonder she doesn't bother.

C8H10N4O2 · 04/02/2022 09:09

Honestly, you'd like her. She's very nice. But very poor social awareness

She is 32. Isn't it time she learned some basic manners and consideration for others?

AuntieMarys · 04/02/2022 09:10

Just embarrassing.

theemperorhasnoclothes · 04/02/2022 09:14

Goodness. Well, I guess she's just not friends with people poorer than her then, because whilst OP can afford to pay for the tea herself not everyone would be able to.

And when you put it that way, it's not very nice, is it?

If she did well at University she has the capacity to 'get' that making a reservation isn't a gift. But it sounds like everyone around her enables her. As many PP have said that's fine until circumstances change and there is the slightest expectation that she'll be able to act as a responsible adult.

Pebbledashery · 04/02/2022 09:16

I'd reserve Glastonbury tickets for her and give her a screenshot of the reservation que. Happy fucking birthday.

3luckystars · 04/02/2022 09:17

Does she give these type of ‘gifts’ to her friends?

You have to tell her. Shock

SnotRags · 04/02/2022 09:17

@Pebbledashery

I'd reserve Glastonbury tickets for her and give her a screenshot of the reservation que. Happy fucking birthday.
You have to pay £50 deposit per ticket to reserve
lottiegarbanzo · 04/02/2022 09:17

She sounds like a child princess. A character from a story book where everyone around her is rich, allowing her to float through life clueless.

The kind of story book you read and think 'wouldn't life be marvellous if I was as lucky as she is', then realise that actually no, it would be a gilded cage and utterly terrifying if you ever woke up to your own incapability and dependence.