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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSD booked afternoon tea but not paid

785 replies

bluefloweronyellow · 03/02/2022 23:18

So it's my birthday on Saturday. DSD and her DH have booked me and DH in for posh afternoon tea on the Sunday afternoon at top restaurant.

I thanked her tonight for such a thoughtful gift etc and asked her to clarify time and is there a reference number for the gift etc

She gave me a photo of the reservation booking and said it's all booked under my name and have a wonderful time I just have to pay on the day Confused

So the gift is she reserved a table. This is so like her. She genuinely thinks she's given me a gift. I gently asked again, to be clear, I pay on the day and yes, that way I can have whatever I want.

I'm just flabbergasted.

AIBU (clearly fucking not but feel free to comment if you disagree)

Oh, and I'm going to go as I do like the place and you do have to book well in advance but never heard that making a reservation is the gift!!!!

OP posts:
Gilly12345 · 04/02/2022 08:11

I would cancel the table and tell her.

Also explain that booking a table and expecting you to pay is not a gift, even dense people have to learn sometime and being the parent it is maybe your role?

HaveringWavering · 04/02/2022 08:12

One minor point- it sounds like it’s hard to get a booking at this place and you need to book several weeks in advance? So in order for you to be able to go on your birthday it did involve a bit of advance planning, it’s not as if you yourself could just have called up the day before to make it happen. Therefore her sorting it out is a BIT of a gift to you. Not a sufficient one, but there is a kernel of a present in there.

BobHadBitchTits · 04/02/2022 08:13

The fact she told you that you have to pay on the day makes me suspect she knows this isn't right. Surely if that was the norm, there would be no need to confirm?

AtLeastThreeDrinks · 04/02/2022 08:14

“FIL said it was the worst experience of his life.”

@Scoot75 that made me laugh out loud, thanks for that 😂 Who would’ve thought you could have such an awful time at a llama farm!

LethargeMarg · 04/02/2022 08:17

Have read your comments op but not all replies so this nat be repeating others but as initially awkward as it would be I think you need to make it clear that this is not a gift by not going . She could really offend someone who is not as kind as you so you'd be helping her out long term. It sounds like she's been overindulged by her dad he really should be having a quiet word with her
Also i find it hard to believe she isn't just playing dumb and really just tight

MzHz · 04/02/2022 08:17

For her birthday, send her a posh takeaway menu, tell her she can order whatever she wants, all she has to do is call them and have her credit card ready…

I know my OH wouldn’t bother going if this was something I got ‘given’

InvalidCrumb · 04/02/2022 08:18

@ApolloandDaphne

I love that OP is genuinely unbothered by this. I too would be unfazed by it. Other people fascinate me and no one has been hurt here.
Agree. I find it quite funny though. My dh doesn't think it's too bad but he hates the nature of present giving having to have a financial value. I think it's committing you to pay somewhere you might not choose to spend your own money so that aspect makes me cringe a bit.
IntermittentParps · 04/02/2022 08:18

@saraclara

A: "You just pay for it when you get there"

B: "So how is it a present?"

Sorely that would be a normal response?

This woman hasn't learned any of this stuff because no-one actually points it out or informs her how to do it. Because, yes, she has pretty privilege. If she looked like the back end of a bus there's no way that people would smile and indulge her.

Yes, this.

I'd say, 'It's a lovely place but I'm going to have to cancel; it's out of my budget.'
And your DH should be ashamed of his daughter, frankly.

MzHz · 04/02/2022 08:18

@Gilly12345

I would cancel the table and tell her.

Also explain that booking a table and expecting you to pay is not a gift, even dense people have to learn sometime and being the parent it is maybe your role?

I agree with this.
LethargeMarg · 04/02/2022 08:19

@ApolloandDaphne

I love that OP is genuinely unbothered by this. I too would be unfazed by it. Other people fascinate me and no one has been hurt here.
It's very bad manners though and she could lose friends in later life by acting this way.
IntermittentParps · 04/02/2022 08:19

I booked Lunch with the Llamas on a llama farm. The food looked delicious and I thought it would be a fun afternoon out for them. FIL said it was the worst experience of his life.
How can anyone have that bad a time on a llama farm?! It's your FIL's problem, not yours.

Bettysnow · 04/02/2022 08:20

Your husband really needs to step up here and ask her directly how on earth this is a gift? I agree she should not get away with this and i think if you go you are sending her the message thats it is fine to do this to people.
I also doubt she has gotten to 32 years old and not worked out the concept of gift giving.

WhosThatBehindTheFlask · 04/02/2022 08:21

I love that OP is genuinely unbothered by this. I too would be unfazed by it. Other people fascinate me and no one has been hurt here.

Absolutely! Particularly impressed with how unbothered the OP is, in the face of pages of people trying to wind her up and cause problems in her family.

The OP appears to be happy, her DSD appears to be happy, her DSD's husband appears to be happy.

No harm, no foul.

stuntbubbles · 04/02/2022 08:21

I don’t think the degree is relevant unless OP tells us the degree – I flatshared with someone this stupid and she too had alternative angles of thinking and a degree: just “degree”. No (Hons), not even a third. Just the barest sliver of passing, for which they give you a “degree” that’s basically an attendance certificate. Sadly for my flat mate she was neither beautiful nor charming so she didn’t sail through life like OP’s DSD.

I want more tales of her brazen approach to life! Does she really not bring anything at all at Christmas? But receives gifts? And watches others exchange them? And doesn’t think “I could join in!”?

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 04/02/2022 08:21

I'm not sure I'd like her actually, I think the surface charm would annoy me after a while. What does your DH actually say about her (apart from rolling his eyes)?

The llama story reminds me of an episode of Back to Life - lunch with llamas sounds a bit bonkers but I'd give it a go.

PasswordEarth · 04/02/2022 08:22

@misspercy

Reserve half the Argos catalogue for her birthday. Tell her she can choose which thing she collects and pay for the one she wants.
Genius
RachelGreeneGreep · 04/02/2022 08:22

@Gilly12345

I would cancel the table and tell her.

Also explain that booking a table and expecting you to pay is not a gift, even dense people have to learn sometime and being the parent it is maybe your role?

She is 32 years old...
PicklePied · 04/02/2022 08:23

As per a previous poster, I'm not buying this tread either

PicklePied · 04/02/2022 08:23

*thread

MrsToothyBitch · 04/02/2022 08:28

I'd tell her husband there appears to have been a mistake tbh. If he loves her that much he'll fix it.

Oh I can believe she's a graduate and that she's done this with good intent. Through work I deal with a man who is definitely very smart and nice but continually fucks people off and fucks stuff up by over thinking; he'll take the basic letter of what ought to be done and make bizarre leaps of logic. His thought process on this would match your DSDs and his intention would be kind- if you pay you're not pressured by the amount he's prepaid etc and can have as you like, which is kinder & his thought was generous & that counts etc.

I'm about your dsds age and I know a few girls who display equally as little sense- or certainly used to. All graduates- including an Oxford grad who rang home in a panic to check she could eat salad that had brushed against the outside of the bag as she shook it out. I had to explain how train services with final destinations worked and how to read a station board to another- she'd just turned 21. They wouldn't have done what your dsd did but the third would have done this when she was younger because she genuinely also would have thought it was kind of her- she was generous but no sense. She has somehow attracted a quite well off man- so no doubt he'd foot the bill for her now. All three were quite naive to the point of stupidity, even at an age where maybe we all still get excused for some naivety. They were all fairly to very intelligent but super cosseted. They all still are super cosseted or shielded from the cruel world to an extent- not necessarily down to beauty alone, but the air of "oooh help meeeee" means stuff gets done for them and people look after them. I maintain being pencil thin helps with their appeal, too. People want to help the fairy child women. I have a matronly bosom and a purposeful walk... I'd look ridiculous trying to pull off fragile and pwecious! Grin

Berengaria1 · 04/02/2022 08:29

I'd be embarrassed if my SD behaved like this. Luckily she doesn't, she behaves like a mature adult.

You and your DH do her no favours.

ILoveYouMoreTheEnd · 04/02/2022 08:30

I love this but typical MN it's wasted by mean posters!
OP I know what you mean by describing her. Dippy but probably not a mean hair on her body in anyway at all. Hope you enjoy your treat lol 😆

arethereanyleftatall · 04/02/2022 08:30

@bluefloweronyellow

What would her reaction be if someone gave her a gift like this?

Fairyliz · 04/02/2022 08:36

I’m wishing I had the guts to do this for my stepmother; however I did hate her.
I think this is the ultimate passive aggressive gift. No one is that beautiful that they can get away with this shit.

billy1966 · 04/02/2022 08:37

So funny.

No one is that dense.

She does it because she can.

Very Emperor's new clothes.

I think there would be sport in returning the favour.

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