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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why did he have that in his bum?

505 replies

IfIcouldturnbacktime217 · 03/02/2022 21:02

So tonight DD asked me when she was going to bed about something a boy in nursery had on his bum. She said he pulled his pants down and showed her a worm then starts showing me her mini saying she doesn't have a worm! I've tried to ask how this happened and not got a lot of sense from her (she's 3) I think it may of been in the toilet but she said there was no teacher there. AIBU to be thinking they shouldn't be going the toilet together without a teacher and slightly alarmed by this?

OP posts:
Pbbananabagel · 03/02/2022 22:47

Completely agree with the PP, children need to know their bodies and be empowered to use the correct words. You wouldn’t tell them to call their legs ‘stalks’ and not teach them the word legs. My sons know they have penis’s and if I have a daughter she will learn about her vulva.

Im2022 · 03/02/2022 22:47

@gemloving

Vulva vulva vulva vulva, remove the shame from the word. Vulva, velvet, Vulcano, vulva.

Penis penis penis penis.

No shame, simple anatomy and what those body parts are called.

😶
Why did he have that in his bum?
MadForBurpees · 03/02/2022 22:48

Who in their right mind users the word ",mini" for female genitalia? It's so twee - it's making me want to throw my phone at the wall in anger!

LifesABotch · 03/02/2022 22:49

@CaroleFuckingBaskin

I thought the OP was talking about threadworms Grin
Me too! Confused
Migrainesbythedozen · 03/02/2022 22:51

@IfIcouldturnbacktime217

Shes never saw a willy before so that was why she said worm, she didn't know what it was. I don't mind using words like mini, would much rather her shout that round the shops than vagina. It was really about the words we use it was about the situation
That would be vulva she would be shouting, not vagina. The vagina is internal and can't be seen.
Frlrlrubert · 03/02/2022 22:52

@HTH1

Well yeah, I quite agree, but you'd know what she meant. I was trying to think of a word for vulva that everyone would recognise, and I blanked. Fanny would probably work better.

Snowiscold · 03/02/2022 22:53

@Georgeskitchen

Why overload toddlers with scientific words? Winky for boys mini or foofoo for girls is fine Good grief they are only babies, time aplenty for them to learn the proper names!!
I’ve never heard the words winky or foufou in my life.
Mellowyellow222 · 03/02/2022 22:55

There is an educational issue here too.

OP used the ohrase mini in her conversation with us.

So she couldn’t even as an adult bring herself to use the correct word when talking to other adults.

This is women creating and reinforcing shame around basic words.

It is really unfortunate that there isn’t n equivalent word to willy. It doesn’t mean anything else and isn’t shameful or twee.

Mini, cookie, flower, foo foo re all silly terms with lots of meaning used to cover adults embarrassment about this body part.

OP I assume is at least early twenties. Her mother probably couldn’t bring herself to say vulva because edge Lao thought it was dirty or embarrassing. And so the stacks continues.

We need to be better at educating and empowering girls and women.

Mischance · 03/02/2022 22:55

"Oh did he? That is his penis. Boys have these and girls don't."

End of story.

Snoozer11 · 03/02/2022 22:56

My god, I thought the poor boy had a tapeworm.

Mischance · 03/02/2022 22:56

Don't rattle off into telling her the names for her genitalia unless she asks. The problem with sex education with little ones is that we tend to give more information than they are actually asking for at that particular moment.

Mischance · 03/02/2022 22:58

And yes - mini is ridiculous. My SIL is a mini mechanic.

StoneofDestiny · 03/02/2022 23:00

I've never seen my Dad's knob and I am nearly 50.
Apparently that's weird and prudish. Shall I ask him if I can have a look at it when I see him next?

😂😂😂😂

IggyIggyIggy · 03/02/2022 23:01

Because if uncle Simon does horrendous things with his worm to her mini...it doesn't stand up in court!

YupNameChangeAgain · 03/02/2022 23:01

@IfIcouldturnbacktime217

Shes never saw a willy before so that was why she said worm, she didn't know what it was. I don't mind using words like mini, would much rather her shout that round the shops than vagina. It was really about the words we use it was about the situation
Knowing the words takes away the stigma and shame of our bodies

It allows us to access medical care and it allows us to find the words for something inappropriate.

Samaritans was set up when a 13 year okd girl killed herself after her first period . Sex education is a basic part of education

IrishMama2015 · 03/02/2022 23:02

@SoupDragon I have routinely described and correctly named genitals to my DC one of whom is still a pre schooler.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 03/02/2022 23:05

Try teaching her the actual names for body parts? There is no shame in a 'vagina' or 'penis'.

But what the fuck is a 'foofoo?'

Ridiculous.

Marzipanfruit · 03/02/2022 23:05

Why are so many posters who insist on correct terminology using 'bum' in their posts? That aside, I do think it is essential that young children are taught unambiguous terms. I once nearly missed a child protection case by not knowing that 'flower' is used for vulva. I spoke to another professional who knew the locally used terms and a child then accessed help. Everyone probably knows the more common euphemisms such as bum, fanny etc. but not the more regionalised or modern ones. Let's show a bit of common sense.

J7510 · 03/02/2022 23:10

Omg some of these replys are
SO RUDE.
The poster was clearly only asking about appropriate situations in a nursery setting.

Why be so judgemental.

Why do some of you think it is ok to be nasty and Sarcastic ?

user1481840227 · 03/02/2022 23:11

@Endofdaysarehere

Yes OP, if you start shouting vagina people will look at you very oddly because the vagina is inside. It’s the vulva your talking about.

Please use the correct terms. Your child will be laughed at and its a safeguarding nightmare.

Vagina has been commonly used for a long time now. A lot of people would be more confused by 'vulva' because it's not the word in common usage.

I'd be very surprised if someone was genuinely confused if someone shouted vagina though because it is so commonly used.

YerAWizardHarry01 · 03/02/2022 23:11

@Pyriah

How has she not seen one before? Does she not have a father? That would be the most appropriate place to begin a discussion.
Erm. What?!
Migrainesbythedozen · 03/02/2022 23:13

@user1481840227 Perhaps if vulva is used more often it will become the more commonly used term. And that can only be a good thing.

InLeosArms · 03/02/2022 23:15

Front and back bottom covers it until they're in upper junior.

JugglingJanuary · 03/02/2022 23:16

@pantsville

This forum. The place where the same adult women who rigidly insist upon toddlers saying penis and vulva, use words like norks and fanjo to describe their own anatomy
Exactly!!

And all those banging on about using the 'correct' names need to stop using other slang such as elbow, nose, eyes or stop showing yourselves up.

IMO children should know the correct names for medical/abuse reasons, but there's nothing at all wrong with Willy/mini type names for everyday use.

Migrainesbythedozen · 03/02/2022 23:18

@JugglingJanuary And all those banging on about using the 'correct' names need to stop using other slang such as elbow, nose, eyes or stop showing yourselves up.

Except they AREN'T 'slang', they are the correct names. They might not be latin, but they are correct names. So you point falls flat.

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