Why did he have that in his bum?

[IfIcouldturnbacktime217]

So tonight DD asked me when she was going to bed about something a boy in nursery had on his bum. She said he pulled his pants down and showed her a worm then starts showing me her mini saying she doesn't have a worm! I've tried to ask how this happened and not got a lot of sense from her (she's 3) I think it may of been in the toilet but she said there was no teacher there. AIBU to be thinking they shouldn't be going the toilet together without a teacher and slightly alarmed by this?

Also how has she got to 3 and not seen even her Dad's willy!

How have you got to adulthood and not realised that some children don't have a father?

As 3 year olds can often identify a range of dinosaurs by their scientific names with pedantic precision, I really don't think that an appropriate (and anyway pretty short) name for a body part is that hard? I mean, if a child can manage 'Tyrannosaurus Rex' or 'Stegosaurus', 'penis' is scarcely challenging?

@CoastalWave I'm pretty sure the teacher would know what's she talking about. Just because she doesn't know the word vulva doesn't mean she's not safe.

Such bullshit, this “call it a penis” nonsense. The vast majority of English-speaking parents outside Mumsnet land bring their sons up to call a penis a willy.

Names for girls’ private parts are more problematic as there is no single accepted form, but I don’t believe that “vulva” is used all gay widely with little girls. I genuinely have no memory of what my Mum brought me up to call mine but it wasn’t vulva because I remember learning that word as a tween in sex education. Probably “privates”.

@nokidshere

As someone who worked in child protection for years, I implore you please teach your daughter the correct terminology for her body. The correct words can save a child from the most heinous things happening to them, I speak from absolute experience. They aren’t rude curse words, it’s normal descriptive language.

I have been a childcare professional for over 40yrs. I have never not understood a child's terminology about their body in any context.

And a child cannot stop abuse happening to them simply because they know the right words.

Oh do give over, you know exactly what I mean. It’s far easier to halt something in its tracks because the correct words were used than it is to mistake the words a child is using eg cookie, lilly, lolly, twig.

I haven't read all the posts but 2 things I wanted to say.
Firstly, I personally wouldn't be worried about 3 year olds doing this as I think it's quite normal for them to be curious, but you can mention it to nursery if you are worried, it sounds v innocent to me though.

Secondly to all those saying kids won't go around shouting vulva and penis, well I have boy girl twins toddlers and their v favourite discussion topic in public is to chat about who has a Willy (commonly accepted name for penis round here!) and who has a vulva. So yes, they do. A lot. They even made up a song. 😆

You know what, children can even handle multiple names - like they can handle both 'Father Christmas' AND 'Santa', they can even handle both 'willy' and 'penis' ['It's proper name is penis, but lots of people call it your willy']

@Frlrlrubert

Until 'showed me her mini' I did actually think the boy had a tapeworm or something. If OP had said 'showed me her bum' I wouldn't have figured it out. Cutesy names do make it harder to comprehend. I'm sure I read an article a few years ago where a young girl had tried to tell adults she was being abused and they hadn't understood because of this.

If you absolutely can bear 'vulva' and 'penis' as least use really common ones that can't be confused, like 'front bum' and 'willy'? Or even just 'bits'?

DD and DNiece (5 and 4) absolutely use the correct words, and yes, have announced 'my vulva is itchy' in public.

“Front bum”? Yuck and so, so wrong.

I don't think those saying we all knew what was meant by the OP and are faking lack of comprehension. Given OP referred to his bottom, I did think it was going to be about a worm coming out of his bum (which many parents will have experience of sadly).
I think the OP's messaging is particular vague - bottom when it's not the bottom, worm for penis, mini for vulva.
If you're going to use different words, at least use ones everyone knows, like willy

@HaveringWavering

Such bullshit, this “call it a penis” nonsense. The vast majority of English-speaking parents outside Mumsnet land bring their sons up to call a penis a willy.

Names for girls’ private parts are more problematic as there is no single accepted form, but I don’t believe that “vulva” is used all gay widely with little girls. I genuinely have no memory of what my Mum brought me up to call mine but it wasn’t vulva because I remember learning that word as a tween in sex education. Probably “privates”.

It's actually quite frustrating that there is a widely accepted and understood colloquialism for penis - willy but vulva/vagina have so many variations, most of them cutesy and unrelated (cookie,flower,mini etc)

I don't mind using words like mini, would much rather her shout that round the shops than vagina.

If your child had confided in me that she had been abused using the terms she used I would have missed it assuming she was either being silly or a boy in her class had a threadworm. Children don’t always know they are being abused so they don’t seek out parents, things come up in general conversation, that’s why correct terms are needed.

I thought this was going to be a thread about A&E so am sorely disappointed.

Come now fess up. Who never says fanny? It's not that unheard of to use non scientific names. There goes "fanny daggers" oh I have virgina daggers does not roll off the tounge. I'm imagining lots of parents fainting when their kids say they have a itchy bum "its anal sphincter darling!"

What’s fanny daggers?

Think they must be deliberately pretending not to understand!
agreed! its so tedious

The vulva facists are annoying me too- I had a man at work correct me- I'm 47 - if I want to call it my vagina I bloody will

And I might even throw a fanny or a foof or a minge in there as well
Bore Off

You can say what you like when it doesn't matter. When you need to be clear, when reporting an assault or a medical problem, for example, you need to use the correct universally known terms, which children can't do if they don't know what they are.

Vulva vulva vulva vulva, remove the shame from the word. Vulva, velvet, Vulcano, vulva.

Penis penis penis penis.

No shame, simple anatomy and what those body parts are called.

@FedUpOfLighteningCrotch

I’m sure you’d much rather her shout the word mini than vagina in a shop. But god forbid if she is ever in a situation where she needs to be questioned on the subject, it is much, much more relevant and clear for her to call it a vagina, because that’s what it is.

“He touched my mini” could mean anything to anyone, only you know truly what she means, police won’t.

I know it’s not nice to think about but there is absolutely nothing wrong with calling body parts their anatomical names, they’re not bad words and they’re not embarrassing and should be made to think they are.

It’s not about you and your preference on what to call it, it’s about the safety and clarity of your child.

Plus for what it might be worth I’d cringe at a child saying ‘mini’ in reference to her vagina in a shop, rather than praising the parent who taught they’re child the correct word and shouted out ‘vagina’ .. although I would wonder why they were shouting it in the shop

I have worked as an appropriate adult , escorting vulnerable women when being interviewed by the police ..and believe me, they have heard all sorts of names given to body parts .

I do agree with you though things would be a lot easier if the correct terms were used from a young age.

@Thatsplentyjack

I don't know a single person who has taught their child to use the words vulva and penis, and I look after young children for a living. It's really not hard to figure out what they mean when they use another name for them. I'm an adult, I can work it out from the context of the rest of the conversation, but I love all the faux confusion when a thread like this pops up 😂 pathetic

Your look after young children for your JOB and you think it is hilarious that children aren't taught to use the proper names, but use silly baby names because OMG hehe the embarrassment.

Despite ALL the research and advice surrounding child safety/body image etc?

That's not pathetic, that's worrying.

@Thatsplentyjack my children use the proper words and they don't care because for them there is no shame. They wouldn't know the difference between penis or Willy, it's just a word to them.

@MrsSkylerWhite

What’s fanny daggers?

Shooting pains up your fanny.

@slashlover

Why overload toddlers with scientific words? Winky for boys mini or foofoo for girls is fine

I agree! I teach that we have a "chompy chomp" and a "looky ball", who uses scientific words like mouth or eye?

userxx

MrsSkylerWhite
What’s fanny daggers?

Shooting pains up your fanny“

Thanks! Where I live, daggers means dirty looks. Was a bit confused

@IfIcouldturnbacktime217

Shes never saw a willy before so that was why she said worm, she didn't know what it was. I don't mind using words like mini, would much rather her shout that round the shops than vagina. It was really about the words we use it was about the situation

No sorry, I think you need to reconsider this. Your view on her using the correct word is a bit immature, no? I’d prefer my kids to use the proper names than “cutesy” ones, putting themselves in danger of SA.

“A social worker is warning parents that using pet names for children's body parts can put them at risk of sexual abuse.

Zoe Dos Santos works with children who have been sexually abused and issued her warning on Facebook, where it's had a huge reaction from families. In her post, Zoe says: "One day, a little girl told her teacher “my uncle licked my cookie” the teacher thought nothing of it and said “next time ask for another cookie”. Months go by, and the mother of the child was talking to the teacher about a rash on the child’s “cookie” and that’s when the teacher realized what the child was trying to say.
"Here’s the problem. If you do not teach your children the proper names for their parts, people can miss important signs of sexual abuse.

Penis and vagina are not bad words. Basic anatomy isn’t wrong and there’s no such thing as anatomy being “age appropriate”

It’s a lot easier if you just start using the proper names for genitals to be honest: we’ve always used the words penis and vagina and because it’s quite matter of fact then it’s not at all embarrassing.