Why did he have that in his bum?

[IfIcouldturnbacktime217]

So tonight DD asked me when she was going to bed about something a boy in nursery had on his bum. She said he pulled his pants down and showed her a worm then starts showing me her mini saying she doesn't have a worm! I've tried to ask how this happened and not got a lot of sense from her (she's 3) I think it may of been in the toilet but she said there was no teacher there. AIBU to be thinking they shouldn't be going the toilet together without a teacher and slightly alarmed by this?

@pantsville

This forum. The place where the same adult women who rigidly insist upon toddlers saying penis and vulva, use words like norks and fanjo to describe their own anatomy

When talking about themselves as adults to other adults in an anonymous forum in which humour & casual language are appropriate

However it’s completely possible that the first time a child talks about abuse it may not be to a teacher/nursery worker etc. It might be to, say, a friend’s mum

This is the whole point, IMO. By the time it gets to police of course there will be the ability to delve into whatever words the child uses.

But it has to make it to that point first - why create additional barriers to comprehension?

This. I think a trained professional in child protection can work out out what a mini is without too much difficulty

Well apparently not, according to this thread. That's more concerning than a little girl using the word mini.

Exactly!

A mini?? Jezus op just call it a vagina (or vulva whatever)
And a "worm " wouldn't have hung out of his bum. clearly she was talking about his penis

Grow up op. And teach your kid about genitalia. And get this addressed with nursery

Why are you teaching your daughter to be ashamed of her genitals? Use their correct name. And it sounded like threadworms.

And seriously calm down.

For everyone saying that social workers, teachers, police etc would all be able to interpret the flowery language and slang terms, what if the child is disclosing to a grandparent or a lunchtime assistant and they dismiss it? The child goes on thinking this is ok and the abuse continues.

My DS age 2 has known its a penis since about 18 months when he could ask and say it. And he has seen his dads in the shower or when he follows him to the toilet...completely normal. DP doesn't go around the house swinging it around!

i’m new here and sadly it didn’t take much time to work that out too. There is so much hatred. Women really should be more supportive of each other.

I’m confused to why you thought there was something in his bum OP when everyone else made the leap to male genitalia - which, even more confusingly, seems to be correct according to you. Not sure why you wrote that as a thread title

@Hertsgirl10

Is it older people that haven’t heard of these terms like mini? I mean it’s pretty common so thinking it may be an age thing.

I agree kids need to be told the right words but nothing wrong with using other words too so that they feel more comfortable, and in this situation you would have to be pretty thick not to get what the child means by mini.

I’m nearly 70 and “Minnie” was the common term for female genitalia when I was growing up, as it also was when I worked in a playgroup 30 years ago. I don’t know anyone who refers to their vulva.

I wouldn’t be cross with the nursery-I can’t imagine they can supervise inside the toilets every second-staff certainly can’t at school. I remember DS coming out with a change of clothes at preschool because he and another boy had gone for a wee together and the other boy accidentally got wee on DS!

I would be buying a picture book about bodies and be sharing it with your DD-if she thinks boys have a worm inside their bum -: your post implies, you need to correct that asap-that is your responsibility. They don’t have to use the words penis and vulva necessarily, but I would certainly teach them…’’that is a penis, but lots of boys call it a willy’, ‘that is a vulva and that bit a vagina, but some people just call it their privates or bits’. Mine always knew the correct words, but we tended to call everything ‘bits’ in conversation, eg ‘mummy, my bits hurt’.

By far one of the funniest threads i have read... bunch of underrated comedians 😂🤣🤣 sorry nothing more to add

@Thatsplentyjack that has happene. Its not being stupid it's advice from people who have sadly gone through that horrific experience and found that their child couldn't express what happened clearly enough using words to make a statement. Cutesy names - particularly names that sound like food/toys/pets - can and do cause confusion.

Why can't children be taught the correct names for their body parts, it isn't overloading them, they know the correct names for every other of their body and all it does it create confusion and shame. You are teaching them that their body is taboo, from a very early age they are learning that their genitals are so shameful that they can't even be named. There are adults who can't even name their genitals correctly because they were never taught and that's really sad.

@cheekychaplin

Everyone completely missing the point.

No, the children shouldn't be alone and showing of their genitalia to each other in the bathroom. I would raise it with nursery.

Certainly raise it with the nursery so they can be aware but I wouldn't expect 3 year olds to be taken to the toilet by an adult.

@Icantremembermyusername

Jeez, glad people came in with references to body parts, I was thinking he was storing a garden worm in his bum cheeks and scared where that might end!

Same. Literally thought of a garden worm on this poor boys bum.

@Howshouldibehave

I wouldn’t be cross with the nursery-I can’t imagine they can supervise inside the toilets every second-staff certainly can’t at school. I remember DS coming out with a change of clothes at preschool because he and another boy had gone for a wee together and the other boy accidentally got wee on DS!

I would be buying a picture book about bodies and be sharing it with your DD-if she thinks boys have a worm inside their bum -: your post implies, you need to correct that asap-that is your responsibility. They don’t have to use the words penis and vulva necessarily, but I would certainly teach them…’’that is a penis, but lots of boys call it a willy’, ‘that is a vulva and that bit a vagina, but some people just call it their privates or bits’. Mine always knew the correct words, but we tended to call everything ‘bits’ in conversation, eg ‘mummy, my bits hurt’.

I had a boy in my Reception class who weed on his own face. Accidents happen!

@Fridafever

Foofoo is the name of an old lady's Bichon Frise

I’m a pretty old lady - I might start calling my minge my Bichon Frise. It’s got a certain je ne sais quoi.

I thought this was about earthworm or threadworms at first too lol!

I would just teach the proper names vulva and penis is fine.
No, I don't think you need to show your adult bits either.

There are some child appropriate books. This is a good one for pre school. Who Has What?: All About Girls' Bodies and Boys' Bodies

Also my 2 year old calls her Minnie Mouse teddy her Minnie. I have heard so many pet names for genitals that are easy for interpretation:
Fairy - toy
Cookie/cupcake/fufu - food items
Flower
Worm
Bunny!......
Some of those might seem obvious but won't necessarily be obvious.

@Fridafever

Foofoo is the name of an old lady's Bichon Frise

I’m a pretty old lady - I might start calling my minge my Bichon Frise. It’s got a certain je ne sais quoi.

Pissing myself at this. 😂😂😂😂

For goodness sake, it’s pretty obvious that “in” in the thread title is a typo for “on”. My fat fingers do that all the time. OP says “on” in the actual post.

The little girl describes everything covered by pants as the “bum”, she saw the boy’s penis and to her it looked like “a worm on his bum”.

Poor OP, a single Mum with no partner at home to talk to about this, just trying to get a steer as to what is appropriate in terms of 3 year-olds seeing each other’s genitals, and ending up in an endless, self-righteous debate about terminology.

pS I think the word norks is great

Just on the naming issue...we call it 'bits'. Then there are boy bits and girl bits which are obviously different. That's the collective name for everything down there. DS then knows that he has a penis but for some reason still calls his testicles his lumps. He has been told what girl bits are called but he has no real interest in them other than checking that he hasn't suddenly got girl bits.

‘ Shes never saw a willy before so that was why she said worm, she didn't know what it was. I don't mind using words like mini, would much rather her shout that round the shops than vagina.’

It’s so important to use correct terms op so that if your daughter is ever touched or treated inappropriately she can fully converse what has happened without confusion to a trusted adult.

Vagina is the internal part, vulva is what you see.
Please contemplate how many people were confused by your posts wording. I also thought you were talking about threadworms at first.

@IfIcouldturnbacktime217

Shes never saw a willy before so that was why she said worm, she didn't know what it was. I don't mind using words like mini, would much rather her shout that round the shops than vagina. It was really about the words we use it was about the situation

Using made-up silly words means she is not safe. If she were to tell a teacher that somebody touched her "mini", they will think she's talking about a toy and tell her it's good to share / nice etc. It doesn't matter what she shouts round a shop, your job is to keep her safe and that includes learning correct words.