Why did he have that in his bum?

[IfIcouldturnbacktime217]

So tonight DD asked me when she was going to bed about something a boy in nursery had on his bum. She said he pulled his pants down and showed her a worm then starts showing me her mini saying she doesn't have a worm! I've tried to ask how this happened and not got a lot of sense from her (she's 3) I think it may of been in the toilet but she said there was no teacher there. AIBU to be thinking they shouldn't be going the toilet together without a teacher and slightly alarmed by this?

@Icantremembermyusername

Jeez, glad people came in with references to body parts, I was thinking he was storing a garden worm in his bum cheeks and scared where that might end!

Me too, I'm still confused. I was thinking he actually had worms and going to suggest going to the Gp

I thought he had a actual wiggly worm or maggot that had burrowed into him bum. eish

@slashlover

Why overload toddlers with scientific words? Winky for boys mini or foofoo for girls is fine

I agree! I teach that we have a "chompy chomp" and a "looky ball", who uses scientific words like mouth or eye?

Omg it's 6.30am and I'm laughing out loud!!! I have seen funnier comments but I'll struggle to recall one 😁😁

I’m concerned you think your 3 year old daughter would run around the shops shouting vagina. It sounds as though you have a lot more work to do than just telling her what her body parts are called.

@SC215

I also assumed that she was talking about thread worms.

Same.

Talk to the school urgently OP

@IggyIggyIggy

Because if uncle Simon does horrendous things with his worm to her mini...it doesn't stand up in court!

Way too simplistic. Of course it would once the facts are established. And tbh, with very young children you'd still need to establish the same facts even if they used the correct terminology.

OMFG! Just realized - I named our cat "Minnie* so for the last 12.5 years, nearly every night before locking up theres me calling out the door "Minnie, Miiiineee" 😁 I must have looked like a right mini.

Honestly this is the worst renaming example ever and so open to interpretation. Do you think it would stand up in court?

Just sat and read through all of this and I am amazed! It was clear to me what the post was about. To everyone who dictates we should use the correct terms for safeguarding - just take a step back. Do you honestly think the type of parents who abuse their children will do this? Of course not. I work with young children - if a child came to tell me about something that had happened and used mini, flower, fairy etc, I would firstly be pleased they felt they confide in me and would then refer it to the correct person. It wouldn't make any difference what they called it - it would be obvious something was not right. The people who are trained to deal with it then get the finer detail in a variety of ways.

@GracieLouFreeebush

I don't mind using words like mini, would much rather her shout that round the shops than vagina.

If your child had confided in me that she had been abused using the terms she used I would have missed it assuming she was either being silly or a boy in her class had a threadworm. Children don’t always know they are being abused so they don’t seek out parents, things come up in general conversation, that’s why correct terms are needed.

You wouldn't have talked to her further? Seems the real problem is not listening to little children properly.

@Leilala

Again, I think the point is being missed here.

Great that your daughter talked to you about it and it’s a great opportunity to discuss private parts being private from a safe guarding point of view.

From a naming anatomy point of view I think it is quite inappropriate. I am a medical professional and have a 9 year old boy, never have I needed to use the term vulva to him. And I cannot think of a single reason why he would need to know this word.

To appreciate and respect women and the differences between sexes doesn’t come down to the anatomical term for their genitalia.

Let children be children. He can learn what he needs to know closer to when he actually needs to know it. The fundamentals of privacy, self safeguarding and self respect are much more important.

Has he not done any sex education at school?

Here "living and growing" starts in early primary - maybe around 7 years old. And it's based on body parts. My then 7 year old proudly came out of school and announced he knew where the clitoris was.

This thread is a very good example of why correct names for body parts is important. Worms and bum would lend adults (as many have said here,including me) to think threadworms.

digitalcommons.fiu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1121&context=sferc

Furthermore, children who lack sexual knowledge may be more vulnerable to sexual abuse. Some sexual offenders avoid children who know the correct names for their genitals because this suggests these children have been educated about body safety and sexuality (Elliot, Browne, & Kilcoyne, 1995). One convicted offender (who had assaulted 75 children by the time he was stopped) reported that when children knew the correct terms for their different body parts, he would leave them alone (Sprengelmeyer & Vaughan, 2000)

Copied from the other thread - the correct words, or at least widely recognised terms are so important.

Only on mumsnet.com are people more concerned about terminology instead of safeguarding.

Only on mumsnet.com do people teach their children to use vulva from birth. 🙄

digitalcommons.fiu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1121&context=sferc

The link.

@nolongersurprised

digitalcommons.fiu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1121&context=sferc

Furthermore, children who lack sexual knowledge may be more vulnerable to sexual abuse. Some sexual offenders avoid children who know the correct names for their genitals because this suggests these children have been educated about body safety and sexuality (Elliot, Browne, & Kilcoyne, 1995). One convicted offender (who had assaulted 75 children by the time he was stopped) reported that when children knew the correct terms for their different body parts, he would leave them alone (Sprengelmeyer & Vaughan, 2000)

Copied from the other thread - the correct words, or at least widely recognised terms are so important.

You have found one case study. Its more vital children are taught about privacy boundaries consent and not keeping secrets. Working in the police what do you think are the most common words used in these cases? The 'flowery' words do not get ignored

I've just come here from the suspected worm in cod thread (scuse the pun!)

Your title is confusing.
*
Why did he have that in his bum?*

Nothing was in his bum though!

In all seriousness, I would be concerned if another child was showing my child whatever was under their underwear.

Tbh even with the updates I’m still confused. Was he showing her his penis or does he have threadworms he finds a joy to show and tell?

Either way, there should be enough supervision so they are not in a secluded area with underwear off/down, whether it’s showing a penis or threadworms rampaging around a bum.

This thread has made me so angry. Calling a vagina a ‘mini’ is absolutely ridiculous no wonder kids are getting confused when saying worm and mini, took me a good couple of minutes to understand what you were talking about.

[quote gemloving]@Thatsplentyjack my children use the proper words and they don't care because for them there is no shame. They wouldn't know the difference between penis or Willy, it's just a word to them. [/quote]
Not sure why you felt the need to tell specifically tell me that?

Working in the police what do you think are the most common words used in these cases? The 'flowery' words do not get ignored

Well, I found this part One convicted offender (who had assaulted 75 children by the time he was stopped) reported that when children knew the correct terms for their different body parts, he would leave them alone (Sprengelmeyer & Vaughan, 2000) relevant.

I’d rather my children didn’t have to report abuse to the police. If correct language has deterred what sounds like prolific offender then that’s a good argument for its use, don’t you think?

@Changeee15467, I think you misunderstood my post. What I found hillarious was all the faux confusion on here. I don't find anything like that embarrassing, but I'm certainly not going to teach them the correct words if that's not the words their parents/carers are using at home. Not my place. HTH.

Try not to worry or kick up a big fuss at nursery, being curious about body parts and trying to show each other is a completely normal developmental phase at that age. What does need to happen is explaining to your DD that boy and girls do have different bodies but there are boundaries in place with our bodies and she must not let others see or touch her private parts. There's a book the Underpants rule that's good for that age, it has a rhyme throughout it that goes along the line of 'What's under my pants belongs only to me and no one can touch it or ask me to see ' And it talks about different scenarios and whether it would be appropriate or not ie if a doctor needs to see during a medical vs a friend wanting to see. You can get it on amazon and it would help you to start the discussion with her.
Of course inform the nursery (without going in all guns blazing) as it will alert them to be more vigilant and to also remind the children about body boundaries.

Lots of people here are saying that those who work with children/social workers/police etc will have been trained to know all the possible words children may use. And that’s fine. However it’s completely possible that the first time a child talks about abuse it may not be to a teacher/nursery worker etc. It might be to, say, a friend’s mum. And if that friend’s mum doesn’t understand what the child is trying to say then it will be missed. That’s why correct terms are important. It wouldn’t be so bad if the alternatives for vulva were specific to that - for example using willy instead of penis is fine because willy isn’t used as a name for anything else (as far as I know). But all the commonly used names for vulva are also names of other things - mini, flower, cookie - so easy to get confused. Even fanny could be misconstrued depending who you’re talking to, as in the US they use the term fanny to refer to your bum. If alternative names are going to be used, they need to be words that can’t be confused with anything else.

@IggyIggyIggy

Because if uncle Simon does horrendous things with his worm to her mini...it doesn't stand up in court!

Oh don't be so ridiculous! So abuse cases will be dismissed because adults can't use their brains to work out what a child means. Absolute stupidity.

@J7510

Omg some of these replys are SO RUDE. The poster was clearly only asking about appropriate situations in a nursery setting.

Why be so judgemental.

Why do some of you think it is ok to be nasty and Sarcastic ?

Because this is mumsnet where the keyboard warriors can sit at home judging and laughing at a mother looking for a bit of advice. It's a great support network you know 👍