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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why did he have that in his bum?

505 replies

IfIcouldturnbacktime217 · 03/02/2022 21:02

So tonight DD asked me when she was going to bed about something a boy in nursery had on his bum. She said he pulled his pants down and showed her a worm then starts showing me her mini saying she doesn't have a worm! I've tried to ask how this happened and not got a lot of sense from her (she's 3) I think it may of been in the toilet but she said there was no teacher there. AIBU to be thinking they shouldn't be going the toilet together without a teacher and slightly alarmed by this?

OP posts:
Seeleyboo · 04/02/2022 00:20

I never understand why children aren't taught the proper names as a matter of normality and from the earliest age.

TheSilveryTinsellyPussycat · 04/02/2022 00:25

@Georgeskitchen

Why overload toddlers with scientific words? Winky for boys mini or foofoo for girls is fine Good grief they are only babies, time aplenty for them to learn the proper names!!
Totally agree with this (am an old gimmer btw). Perhaps they should ask for the toilet by saying they need to urinate.

In my childhood a willy was called a tail quite often. Without being too Freudian, to a child the basic difference between the sexes is that he's got one, and she hasn't.

Marzipanfruit · 04/02/2022 00:26

Sorry, my previous post was meant in response to @user 1481840227

user1481840227 · 04/02/2022 00:30

@Marzipanfruit

Please don't turn what was meant as an open and helpful comment into an attack. I'm not a social worker by the way, and am/was well aware of my child protection responsibilities. Teaching children either the correct terms or those universally understood is best. Get off your high horse.
It wasn't an attack on you. I clearly said the fault was with the training, I'm assuming you didn't train yourself!!!

I never said it wasn't best, but I said that everyone knows that many people don't use correct terms so anyone with child protection responsibilites should be taught the local terms as part of their training!

merrymelodies · 04/02/2022 00:39

I wasn't at all confused by the terminology. You'd have to be a bit thick not to understand what the child was talking about.Hmm

Hertsgirl10 · 04/02/2022 00:57

@Pyriah

How has she not seen one before? Does she not have a father? That would be the most appropriate place to begin a discussion.
@Pyriah

Are you serious? Why hasn’t a 3 year old not seen a Willy? I mean I dunno what situation you was brought you but that’s not normal to see your dad’s penis, in any circumstances.
None of my children have seen a penis, only their own.
How inappropriate to have a grown man having his privates out in front of his children.
Thought I’d seen it all on here.

Lennon80 · 04/02/2022 01:01

Just wow - how very odd

Hertsgirl10 · 04/02/2022 01:02

Is it older people that haven’t heard of these terms like mini? I mean it’s pretty common so thinking it may be an age thing.

I agree kids need to be told the right words but nothing wrong with using other words too so that they feel more comfortable, and in this situation you would have to be pretty thick not to get what the child means by mini.

Lennon80 · 04/02/2022 01:02

Hertsgirl10

Seriously though? Your kids never saw anyone naked except themselves? Never came in the bathroom when dad was in there? Your situation is the one that’s not normal!

AuntTwacky · 04/02/2022 01:06

@Hertsgirl10

Is it older people that haven’t heard of these terms like mini? I mean it’s pretty common so thinking it may be an age thing.

I agree kids need to be told the right words but nothing wrong with using other words too so that they feel more comfortable, and in this situation you would have to be pretty thick not to get what the child means by mini.

Don't come on here calling people thick and talking Down to 'older' people. IMO it's thick to call female genitalia a mini when it is actually a car or a skirt
Leilala · 04/02/2022 01:13

Again, I think the point is being missed here.

Great that your daughter talked to you about it and it’s a great opportunity to discuss private parts being private from a safe guarding point of view.

From a naming anatomy point of view I think it is quite inappropriate. I am a medical professional and have a 9 year old boy, never have I needed to use the term vulva to him. And I cannot think of a single reason why he would need to know this word.

To appreciate and respect women and the differences between sexes doesn’t come down to the anatomical term for their genitalia.

Let children be children. He can learn what he needs to know closer to when he actually needs to know it. The fundamentals of privacy, self safeguarding and self respect are much more important.

Monopolyiscrap · 04/02/2022 01:15

@Leilala children need to be able to name the parts of their body. Are you really saying a 9-year-old girl should not have a word to describe her genitals? And are you also saying your 9-year-old does not have a word to describe his penis?

HaveringWavering · 04/02/2022 01:17

I mean I dunno what situation you was brought you but that’s not normal to see your dad’s penis, in any circumstances.

@Hertsgirl10 you’re talking nonsense. Little girls and boys see their fathers naked all the time. It’s completely normal. Some families- clearly yours- may prefer not to let the children see the parents naked but it’s in no way deviant or abnormal to be open and relaxed about family nakedness.

Monopolyiscrap · 04/02/2022 01:21

Plenty of small kids see their parents naked or partially naked.
Personally I would have had to put a lot of effort in to make sure my kids when they are young did not see my partially undressed or naked. Because every time I was getting dressed, having a shower, etc, they would be in and out.

AuntTwacky · 04/02/2022 01:22

All the time?!

Leilala · 04/02/2022 01:23

No, a word to describe his own is fine and necessary. But I cannot honestly think why he would need to discuss genitalia of the opposite sex? I’m not entirely sure he even knows they don’t have the same Hmm all in good time in my opinion.

He understands what should and shouldn’t be private and is well up on stranger danger.

Monopolyiscrap · 04/02/2022 01:24

@Leilala he is 9 years old and does not understand the physical differences between girls and boys?
Then he will be taught by his peers.

Monopolyiscrap · 04/02/2022 01:26

@AuntTwacky why would it have to be all the time? The situation was about never seeing a parent fully or partially naked.

Ponoka7 · 04/02/2022 01:37

@Hertsgirl10
"Is it older people that haven’t heard of these terms like mini?"

I'd say that the older generation are more likely to use nicknames and not the correct terms. I read my sister's feminist books in the 70:s but outside of them no-one was talking about vulvas. We used euphemisms used on Benny Hill, Morcambe and wise, on the buses etc. There were songs such as 'keep your hand on your ha'penny'. Why would you think that it's an age thing? The 70's and earlier were a time of inuendo.

Lessofallthisunpleasantness · 04/02/2022 03:36

I used to nanny for little kids. They are always showing each other their bits and bobs! They find the differences utterly fascinating.

Ellowyn · 04/02/2022 03:38

I've only got to page two and I can't believe some of the comments here. The little girl is 3 years old. She didn't know what a penis was let alone know what to call it, so she called it a worm. Bless her heart. She calls her own genitals a mini because she is three years old! 3 Years old.

I bet all of you insisting on toddlers calling their body parts by their correct name still call your abdominal region your TUMMY and carbonated beverages FIZZY drinks and your urinal tract your water works or whatever silly name you have....water infection instead of UTI.

Three year olds can have silly names for body parts because mum knows what they are talking about.

My (now adult) son called his 'worm' his SPOUT. when he was 2 - 3 years old. He was so fucking cute when he did. He wouldn't have been so cute talking about his penis and his testicles or scrotum.

Let them be cute little kids because it doesn't last very long.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 04/02/2022 03:49

@Rekorderlig88

I'd mention it to nursery but it doesn't sound worrying to me. It may be they need to have a tory with the kids about private parts being private. They are only 3
Best not have a Tory - who knows where that might lead 😉
Trinacham · 04/02/2022 05:19

@Hertsgirl10

Is it older people that haven’t heard of these terms like mini? I mean it’s pretty common so thinking it may be an age thing.

I agree kids need to be told the right words but nothing wrong with using other words too so that they feel more comfortable, and in this situation you would have to be pretty thick not to get what the child means by mini.

It was a mini when I was young (I'm 31) so doubt it.
MimiDaisy11 · 04/02/2022 05:52

Words like penis and vulva etc aren’t dirty corrupting words. It doesn’t rob children of their innocence to know them. The attitude on here from some is strange to me.

EveningOverRooftops · 04/02/2022 06:05

I have been known to say vagina very loudly because mine is a beast, birthed a child and folklore suggests it’s even powerful enough to scare away the devil. Wink

Let’s not perpetuate the fear and taboo around vulvas, vaginas and menstruation before girls have a chance to even discover themselves.