To be miffed after this phone call from DS school

[GypsyWanderer]

So DS is 14. I just got a phone call from a woman at the high school (I don’t recognise her name and not even sure if she is a teacher or whatever) and she tells me several members of staff and students have noticed my DS smells! I am mortified obviously. He has regular showers and deodorant etc.

I guess I’m miffed because I don’t know what to do about it except tell him every day to have a shower and deodorant which I do anyway with all the kids. I’m just shocked that several students and teachers have noticed when me and DH haven’t. Also kind of wish they had sent me an email rather than an embarrassing phone call

Bleach baths really ?? For clothes you means surely not bodies??

I have a smelly teen my tips are..
Mitchum deodorant but the solid one not roll on, it's much stronger.
Wash the blazer weekly, hers is dry clean I still wash it on a delicate short wash (don't tumble dry)
Fabreze the blazer every evening on weekdays (it will help a bit)
Make him shower properly, daily, sniff test on exit from shower, make him get back in if he hasn't washed properly and still smells.
Use soap rather than shower gel.

And I'm sorry but if you have four dogs some other people will smell it on him. My friend is really clean and I can still smell dog on her and she only has two. Maybe have house only clothes that won't matter if they smell of wet dog (if you're not a dog person it's a horrible smell)

Lastly they get better with age. Eldest is now mid twenties and smells fine now 😂

@Mrstamborineman

Bleach baths really ?? For clothes you means surely not bodies??

No, for bodies. A few cap fulls in a full tepid bath kills bacteria on the skin that can otherwise lead to infection in excema sufferers. I had that face too when the doctor advised it, but its a game changer for managing and preventing flare ups.

Its really proactive for the school to contact you.
I went through the first couple of years of secondary school smelling of BO. I didn't shower often enough. I didn't use products other than deodorant on top of previous days deodorant and I didn't change my school shirts often enough and never washed my school knitted jumper and only had one! I walked to school and back and didn't change out of my uniform after school either.

I eventually realised myself that I was smelling but I think by the time I did, it must have been a very very strong smell.

Even remembering it now thirty years later, I'm embarrassed at how much I much have smelled. I've no doubt that people noticed and spoke about it but not to me. I'd have really liked if they had discretely pulled me aside and mentioned it.

For that reason YABU. Your embarrassment at having the conversation will pale in comparison to classmates sniggering in front of him because he smells.

I would find this a very difficult call to receive; however, remember they’re trying to help. It’s better you know so you can try to find a new deodorant etc rather than DS being teased about it in school. Good luck! ❤️

At about that age my DS had to use perspirex or driclor a couple of nights a week as well as mitchum on other days as he was really smelling whilst the hormone changes kicked in. It doesn't last too long fortunately. Had to buy new school shirts quite often as that BO was really engrained in the armpits 😂 no amount of washing would get that out fully after a while.

I think a call is kinder. An email would be awful imo.

Does he wear a blazer, how often is it washed if he does. This could be where the smell is coming from.

You think that's embarrassing... When COVID first happened, my teen's assistant principal called because my son had searched pornography on his school laptop🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Mitchum deodorant for men www.mitchum.co.uk/ is amazing
Clean shirt,boxers, socks and jumper daily
Wash the blazer weekly
fresh PE kit daily
change bedding weekly
Shower morning and night
Clean towel every 2-3 days

I seriously don't think that's a conversation for a random unknown to have with a parent over the phone. I would expect it to come from someone in the school you have already formed a relationship with, so it does seem a bit insensitive.

Honestly I have a friend with dogs and them, their house their kids everything smells of dog.
Your son can scrub himself raw and slather on all the deodorant in the world but if your house has a strong dog wiff it will penetrate everything and he will still smell.
Watching callers to my friends house take a huge step back when the door opens is my older lads favourite pastime.
I'm sure your house is clean and I'm not sure how you could fix it apart from the obvious of washing and grooming the dogs more, shampooing carpets and rugs regularly (or get laminate) gross as it is having the dogs Anal glands checked. I'm sure you will get to the bottom of it soon.

It's his hormones. My granddaughter washes daily and clothes are clean but she smells after a few hours. It's normal while they are going through a bodily change.

A bleach bath! Can’t get over that.

I’ll never forget years ago my DH was fresh out the shower, lifted his arm up (god knows why) and the STENCH of BO that hit me. I think it’s just harder for men isn’t it with the hair? Even the ones that do actually soap up rather than just stand there gormless letting the water run over them have a trickier time of it than us women.

My stepson whiffs strongly after any exertion, even playing games on computer if he’s in a group and they’re competing. I can tell if he’s been around as the smell can hang about. It’s just being a hormonal teen, but he is also not quick to shower after going to the gym, even when his dad tells him he reeks. And sometimes doesn’t change his clothes quick enough either. I’m surprised no one out side the family has said anything to him. I wish they would as he might get the message then.. but it’s not unusual. Really hammer home the pits, feet and crotch cleaning, a quick whistle at the soap isn’t going to do it!

To add some things to the good advice above already on here - just from experience of me and DH having sweaty commutes in out of central London for years.

Get his blazer dry cleaned asap, if it's just Poly or similar I don't see why it can't be then be washed at 30 on a short wash every couple of weeks, get it straight put to dry on a hanger on the line too - really try line dry, rather clothes horse or tumbler, the UV the daylight helps kill bacteria, which is what causes the bad smells - makes BO smell like BO

Give his coat a wash too if he wears one, and like the blazer try wash every couple of weeks.

Also what about his shoes/trainers? If he wears trainers they can all go in the wash if he wears shoes a good clean indside with some rubbing alcohol will help.

Anything cotton (shirts, socks and pants) can be washed at 60 for a while, if his shirts are polyester buy some cotton ones, polyester is rank for making you sweaty and smelly.

Also how often are you washing his bedding? Every week is a must, and again at 60.

You might want to think about adding some Dettol laundry cleanser along with your normal liquid, it can be spendy, but it does works and you can Google to see where has it on offer.

Also agree re the bar soap, but maybe try an antibacterial one or one with pure tea tree in for a while, remember unless its an illness the smell will most likely be caused by bacteria of some sort.

A decent mouthwash as well as toothpaste.

I know it was probably a difficult phone call and took you aback but at least they have given you the opportunity to sort it.

Also no cuddling the blinking dogs in his uniform.

Do you know what I think it can be?

His Breath from not cleaning his teeth properly and the plaque and food etc has just built up and believe me it can really smell terrible as I once went out with a guy who had really bad breath due to the build up of plaque on his teeth.

Theres been some good advice about external things, clothes, household smells, but I'd really suggest you exercise caution around the body washing advice. A person with excema should certainly not be having two showers a day, even every day with soap is too much for their dry and extremely fragile skin. Too much washing is drying and allows skin splitting and infection. Emollient can only do so much, and the average teen probably wouldn't apply it correctly or tolerate the greasiness for it to counteract the dehydration. Uncontrolled it can be very serious and at that age you would not be aware of complications if they had occurred in personal areas of the body. Tbh given his skin condition I would seek medical advice as any remedy for the smell needs to be seen holistically with his excema. Even advice about clothes washing, detergents and deodorants may not be appropriate for him. I suggested the bleach baths, which seem counter intuitive, but there is a lot of information on it if you Google 'excema: get control keep control' or just Google bleach baths.

It usually falls to the poor tutor who has to call and not email. It's horrible. The school need to check for neglect so don't take it too personally.

DD doesn't smell in herself at all, but her polyester shirts reek! It's weird!

I recommend Dettol Laundry Cleanser and soak for a good couple of hours, and then another dose in the machine with 2 detergent pods. In summer I have to do this after every wear.

I had awful trouble with DD's shirts smelling even after washing.
I finally found that spraying them under the arms with stardrops vinegar spray and leaving for 30 mins before putting them in the machine did the trick.

As a teenager, my daughter stank! She had a daily shower, clean clothes (blazer washed weekly) and still had a 'weird' smell about her! After some 'research' 😁 the problem was her deodorant! It was a new one she had asked for that was aluminium free and it just smelt awful on her! Changed deodorant and she was good to go! 🙂

If this is BO, it's likely to be hormones. Diet can make a difference, my DS stank of meat coz he would only eat bacon for months. His scalp was just nasty and made a cuddle a less exciting prospect TBF.
Shaving his pits helped enormously. The hair hold the bacteria. Even clipping short is a good option. I just insisted on a delivery of clothes each day to the washing machine area so that I could avoid bedroom carpet smelling of old washing, or the kind of re-cycling none of us should be doing.

Don't take it personally, it's very common in classes to notice it. Boys particularly in after break time actually reek when in a stuffy classroom with 30 odd teenagers. Especially as they have to wear school uniform which exacerbates the matter. Get him into the habit of taking a spray to school with him. I do emphasize the same with my DS as I'm a teaching assistant and I know what it's like.

Well, poor personal hygiene is a cause for concern.

I’m not saying he doesn’t shower everyday…but, the school won’t know that unless they actually chat to you about it.

Anti-perspirant would be better than deodorant. Try a good quality 72 hour one. Still shower every day…but the 72hour antiperspirants are stronger.