Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH and vasectomy

133 replies

namechangedforthiss1 · 02/02/2022 17:00

Another one of those threads I know I know Blush

So DH and I had 2 DC, I came off contraception due to migraines acne and weight gain and tracked ovulation to avoid pregnancy, ended up pregnant after 8 months as we clearly couldn't say no TMI I know, all good discussed our options and both happy to be having a 3rd, but I'm done, do NOT want anymore babies after this one.

Told DH he needs to look into getting the snip, I believe iv put my body through more than enough giving us 3 DC but regardless I asked about having my tubes done and my consultant has said no, I am to young at risk of haemorrhage and she said the risk of it failing is 1 in 120 women which then can lead to an ectopic pregnancy.

He has agreed but not looked into it at all, coming to the end of the pregnancy now so tried to bring it up again and he just does not want to talk about it shuts me off straight away!

So what do I do? He cant use condoms so its not an option unfortunately!

OP posts:
Tiramysu · 02/02/2022 17:01

No sex until he has come up with a solution

Fupoffyagrasshole · 02/02/2022 17:02

Why can’t he use condoms

Seriously condoms, snip or no more sex

IDontHaveThePelvisForAFuton · 02/02/2022 17:03

Why can't he use condoms?

theremustonlybeone · 02/02/2022 17:03

Well you can’t force him to have surgery. Why can’t he use condoms? Is this another bloke where it he uses it ‘affects the pleasure’ or he can’t feel as an excuse?

HarleyBarnes · 02/02/2022 17:03

He can’t use condoms? Is it that small that they don’t fit?

SamphiretheStickerist · 02/02/2022 17:04

The medical condition that makes all condoms impossible had better be a real one!

Original poster
namechangedforthiss1 · 02/02/2022 17:05

He's never been able to "keep it up" we have tried lots of different brands and larger sizes but it just doesn't work Blush

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 02/02/2022 17:05

Can't use condoms? Right. 🙄

Original poster
namechangedforthiss1 · 02/02/2022 17:06

@Aquamarine1029 we have tried multiple times unfortunately

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 02/02/2022 17:07

@namechangedforthiss1

He's never been able to "keep it up" we have tried lots of different brands and larger sizes but it just doesn't work Blush
Sounds like a 'him' problem. You tell him very clearly that if he doesn't sort getting a vasectomy and won't wear a condom, no more sex.
Tiramysu · 02/02/2022 17:08

He needs to get it sorted then

sorrysaywhatnow · 02/02/2022 17:08

No sex until the snip. It's that simple.

beccahamlet · 02/02/2022 17:09

I know this doesn t help. But years ago there was an advice programme on TV. Someone said her boyfriend said using condoms was like eating toffee with the wrapper still on. The agony aunt's answer was to tell him ' well, it's that or no toffees at all's Grin

Original poster
namechangedforthiss1 · 02/02/2022 17:10

@beccahamlet Grin that's a good one

OP posts:
Horst · 02/02/2022 17:11

Have you tried a cock ring and condom?

But yeah no sex or condom or snip really

Original poster
namechangedforthiss1 · 02/02/2022 17:13

Has anyone managed to talk there dh round?

He clearly thinks about it as every few weeks will randomly say "I think I will have to get the snip done" and I'm like Hmm no sh*t but when I try and discuss it in detail he shuts down!

Is it that painful being kicked in the b*lls? Confused

OP posts:
Sleepyquest · 02/02/2022 17:14

Unless you want a fourth child which you clearly don't, the answer is the snip or no sex OR he overcomes his problem with condoms.

There is no other answer! I guess you could go on the pill but why should you have to? I hate hormonal contraception

Dixiechickonhols · 02/02/2022 17:14

If he doesn’t want it fine you can’t force him but how does he see your sex life? Is he happy to see gp re erectile disfunction and try medication so he can see if he can perform with condoms.
If he won’t speak then I’d just make clear you aren’t doing piv unprotected and long term a sexless marriage has no appeal. Then hopefully he’ll realise he needs to speak to you sensibly.
I assume he has hang ups over his inability to perform and it worried a vasectomy might damage him further??

Horst · 02/02/2022 17:15

I convinced dh. He had given it a yeah yeah I’ll do it. Never got around to actually making the phone call couldn’t be arsed to go to the doctors. However he needed an appointment booking for something else and asked me to book it.

So I said yup and rang up and asked for a double slot so fix X issue and also to discuss a vasectomy. They booked him in. I told him, he was like oh ok then. Had his appointment came out all fine telling me the gp has referred him off.

A month or so later he got his letter of we went, he had it done, we then went shopping and he was back at work the next day.

TheUndoingProject · 02/02/2022 17:16

Does he think it’s more painful than giving birth three times. Tell him to sort it or no sex.

Horst · 02/02/2022 17:16

So mine was he was just too lazy and would of happily never got it if he had to do the leg work but because I did it all he was more than fine to get it done. Bloody lazy sod.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/02/2022 17:19

Mine didn't want another child and I did.

I just said that he was extremely foolish to rely on the person who wanted another child rather than sorting himself. It was booked in a week.

Buy a vibrator and live with no sex until he makes his mind up. It's now his problem to solve.

LefttoherownDevizes · 02/02/2022 17:21

Mine did it as was terrified of more kids, we were like you with a 'lucky' third and couldn't tolerate hormones.

Fear of pregnancy was enough to persuade him, that and a refusal by me to have sex until he had it sorted.

Until there are consequences for him he will do nothing

ShowOfHands · 02/02/2022 17:23

I've had two emcs and repair, plus a pph and a birth injury.

DH's vasectomy recovery was way harder than anything I went through. It was entirely his decision to make and he doesn't regret it but he was one of the 10% who suffer complications.

You can't talk a person into surgery. It's their decision and their decision alone. You can have a frank conversation about your options however and he can agree to explore why he has such an issue with condoms for example.

peterpaulpat · 02/02/2022 17:27

OK. I had the snip.
It just seemed a sensible thing to do. We were happy, we had two kids could afford to live to a decent standard. It is just a simpler op for a man than the equivalent op for a woman.
IT WAS NOT PAINFUL
DW able to stop "The Pill", she lost weight and an inch or two. She had more energy less worry, she returned to Uni, got ready for a new career.
Our sex life improved. Rather more adventurous than we had been.

Win Win all round.
Why not?

Swipe left for the next trending thread