DH and vasectomy

[namechangedforthiss1]

Another one of those threads I know I know

So DH and I had 2 DC, I came off contraception due to migraines acne and weight gain and tracked ovulation to avoid pregnancy, ended up pregnant after 8 months as we clearly couldn't say no TMI I know, all good discussed our options and both happy to be having a 3rd, but I'm done, do NOT want anymore babies after this one.

Told DH he needs to look into getting the snip, I believe iv put my body through more than enough giving us 3 DC but regardless I asked about having my tubes done and my consultant has said no, I am to young at risk of haemorrhage and she said the risk of it failing is 1 in 120 women which then can lead to an ectopic pregnancy.

He has agreed but not looked into it at all, coming to the end of the pregnancy now so tried to bring it up again and he just does not want to talk about it shuts me off straight away!

So what do I do? He cant use condoms so its not an option unfortunately!

My DH had the snip because I was worried my copper coil (which I was getting on ok with) would slip. My medication causes birth defects and the risk of having an abortion was just a step too far for me. He did it as soon as I asked.

@Horst

If your having that many problems with condoms your not buying for the size you really are… rip fall off no feeling pretty bad luck.

And well you should of never got snipped if your now planning more children although clearly previously what you has was plenty for you.

Don’t see why current wife’s should have to think about your future wife’s desires for babies tbh. That’s a you problem.

Couples issues are not an individual problem or, 'You', they're a joint problem to be discussed, negotiated, and then resolved. However In this case, if they split, he may meet another woman who would like a child. Leveraging the outcome by saying,' No sex', I don't think is a sound basis for negotiations.

As it stands with the information given, the snip seems like the best way forward. Just like it did when I made the decision. The decision was taken because my wife at the time nearly died giving birth, due to various reasons, namely poor care from the team at the trust. Obviously, circumstances change if a split occurs and the new partner wishes to have a child.
It's a sensible consideration.

As for condoms, the dulled sensation makes the whole point of having sex for both parties utterly pointless.
Although if sex is viewed as a utilitarian act then condoms make complete sense.

I hope you also avoided having children because of the much higher risk of long term damage, pain and actual death women risk carrying and birthing children. It is one of the most dangerous things a woman can do.

Not my risk to take, had my DW decided not to have children due to the risks involved I’d have backed her 100%. Her body, her choice.

And tubal ligations have and do cause deaths, whereas vasectomies don't carry that risk. Oral birth control kills women as well. As well as the additional risks. MH, weight gain, etc.

No pressure on DW at all, she’s not responsible for contraception. It’s either condoms or abstinence as far as I’m concerned.

Contraversial but I would it done myself and have a couple of days in bed

I suggest having the conversation when you’re up with a screaming baby night after night, really in the thick of those newborn days. Worked for me

I think as far as pain for vasectomy is concerned is there are different reactions the same as for childbirth. Some have it easier than others. DH said it was uncomfortable rather than painful and drive himself home (45 minutes drive) as the local anasthetic hadn't worn off.

Time for him to step up to the plate. Sex off the cards until he sorts it!

[quote namechangedforthiss1]@Blueuggboots he watched me bleed out with DC2 so he knows this, he is worried about this birth but luckily I am having a c section to hopefully stop a haemorrhage from happening!

Going to do some research and send it him! Think he would prefer to go private anyway but the wait is months on the NHS apparently! [/quote]
Surely they could sterilise you at the same time as you C section???

@User8721643839 if you read the OP my consultant said no.