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Original poster

DH and vasectomy

133 replies

namechangedforthiss1 · 02/02/2022 17:00

Another one of those threads I know I know Blush

So DH and I had 2 DC, I came off contraception due to migraines acne and weight gain and tracked ovulation to avoid pregnancy, ended up pregnant after 8 months as we clearly couldn't say no TMI I know, all good discussed our options and both happy to be having a 3rd, but I'm done, do NOT want anymore babies after this one.

Told DH he needs to look into getting the snip, I believe iv put my body through more than enough giving us 3 DC but regardless I asked about having my tubes done and my consultant has said no, I am to young at risk of haemorrhage and she said the risk of it failing is 1 in 120 women which then can lead to an ectopic pregnancy.

He has agreed but not looked into it at all, coming to the end of the pregnancy now so tried to bring it up again and he just does not want to talk about it shuts me off straight away!

So what do I do? He cant use condoms so its not an option unfortunately!

OP posts:
DilemmaDelilah · 03/02/2022 09:57

I had my first child at 20, unplanned, my second at 23, unplanned, and had a third pregnancy resulting in miscarriage at 26. It was 40 years ago so things were different then, but I asked my doctor if I could have my tubes tied and I had no problem having it done. It may be that this is discouraged now, and I know you have asked, but it might be worth asking again perhaps? It would be the most reliable way to ensure you don't get pregnant again.

RegardingMary · 03/02/2022 10:13

@DilemmaDelilah

OP has gone through 3 pregnancy and births in which she's haemorrhaged.

She's put her body through enough. A tubal ligation is a serious surgery carrying serious risks. It also comes with the risk of it not working

A vasectomy can be carried out at your GP surgery in a matter on minutes with minimal risks.

Why should women shoulder the responsibility of contraception forever! Why can men step up.

Kebabandchipsplease · 03/02/2022 10:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tricked2003 · 03/02/2022 10:52

[quote namechangedforthiss1]@FrippEnos yes unfortunately a friend told him how his testicles were black and blue for weeks and he couldn't walk Shock not helpful! [/quote]
I assume said friend is now having sex again though?

DH was sore for a while but it was worth it to be free of the fear of pregnancy.

AndrewPeacock · 03/02/2022 11:19

@Cosycosynights

What age are all these dhs getting the snip?

I can understand anyone being a bit wary about getting a medical procedure to be honest, but really he's being such a baby making a fuss about condoms.

DH was 31 and DS2 was a few months old. No persuading or badgering from me, he decided it was the best thing to do as we didn't want any more and didn't want to risk another pregnancy as we'd been through 4 miscarriages as well as 2 difficult pregnancies.

He was in and out pretty quickly and said the worst part was the smell of burning when they're sealing the tube or whatever. Bruised for a while but tight pants helped and he was back playing football within a week. I did feel he milked it slightly considering women go through childbirth and then just get on with looking after the baby but I kept that to myself as I knew he had been a bit worried about it and I appreciated that he was doing it of his own choice rather than some friends who are still dragging their heels.

saleorbouy · 03/02/2022 12:51

I really don't understand the reluctance of men getting the snip.
After most women have likely spent significant years on hormonal contraception and put their bodies through the rigours of pregnancy, child birth and feeding and the lifelong transformation this brings having a small cut in the scrotum and two tubes cut under local anesthetic is hardly a drama.
Why be so inconsiderate to your OH, the risks are minimal compared to the ones they have been exposed to providing offspring.
At least you can both enjoy a relaxed sexual relationship without the worry of pregnancy and the burden of needing contraception.
The £400 cost if you go privately is massively cheaper than, a car seat and buggy combo! Never mind the ongoing costs for 18years...

MsMarch · 03/02/2022 13:00

After most women have likely spent significant years on hormonal contraception and put their bodies through the rigours of pregnancy, child birth and feeding and the lifelong transformation this brings having a small cut in the scrotum and two tubes cut under local anesthetic is hardly a drama.

DH is, on most things, an enlightened man with a clear understanding of how women are penalised in society. But on this, I made this point to him once and his response was, "yes, I know that having babies is dangerous, but there's no other choice you want to have children so it's not the same as voluntarily having someone make cuts in your penis."

And researchers wander why more women are delaying or avoiding having children!?

saleorbouy · 03/02/2022 13:27

MsMarch
If your DH thinks a vasectomy has anything to do with cutting his penis then he needs to get out an anatomy book and discover where his testes and vas deferens are located. He's clearly mistaken on his idea of the procedure and needs to do some research and make a more informed decision.

MsMarch · 03/02/2022 15:53

@saleorbouy

MsMarch If your DH thinks a vasectomy has anything to do with cutting his penis then he needs to get out an anatomy book and discover where his testes and vas deferens are located. He's clearly mistaken on his idea of the procedure and needs to do some research and make a more informed decision.
To be fair, I think he may have used much saltier language related to a more correct part of his anatomy! Grin Grin

I think he's ridiculous. But as he's never once complained about using condoms (and is 100% responsible for buying them too), that's up to him.

SartresSoul · 03/02/2022 16:02

No sex until he’s had the snip. Really straight forward procedure, my DH had his done at the GP’s and it took 5 minutes.

rwalker · 03/02/2022 16:03

@peterpaulpat

OK. I had the snip. It just seemed a sensible thing to do. We were happy, we had two kids could afford to live to a decent standard. It is just a simpler op for a man than the equivalent op for a woman. IT WAS NOT PAINFUL DW able to stop "The Pill", she lost weight and an inch or two. She had more energy less worry, she returned to Uni, got ready for a new career. Our sex life improved. Rather more adventurous than we had been. Win Win all round. Why not?
MY experience was the opposite constant pain , massive infection and another operation still not right and doubt it ever will be . Pain killers for 2 years and was offer to have a testical removed not always the walk in the park people believe and thats long term not till when contraception no longer required
celiamary · 03/02/2022 16:24

It is rare for men to have problems after the snip. Most are back driving in two days, never known of any of our friends DPs having a problem.

Of the couple we know only one dinosaur who reacted like losing his soul. Like being afraid of having your photograph taken in 19Century.

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 03/02/2022 16:56

I'd advise him not to do it.
I had it done, we split 3-4 yrs later, now me and Mrs. Hr are paying a fortune to have it reversed.
It's my only regret.
Condoms are rubbish, no feeling, fall off, don't fit, rip. I have to say, if my partner gave me a no-sex ultimatum, I'd ring a taxi, pack a bag and you'd be gone.

SoupDragon · 03/02/2022 16:59

@Hrpuffnstuff1

I'd advise him not to do it. I had it done, we split 3-4 yrs later, now me and Mrs. Hr are paying a fortune to have it reversed. It's my only regret. Condoms are rubbish, no feeling, fall off, don't fit, rip. I have to say, if my partner gave me a no-sex ultimatum, I'd ring a taxi, pack a bag and you'd be gone.
So, what is your solution?
RegardingMary · 03/02/2022 17:20

@Hrpuffnstuff1

You sound like a real peach. Tell your ex congratulations on her lucky escape.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/02/2022 17:37

@Hrpuffnstuff1

I'd advise him not to do it. I had it done, we split 3-4 yrs later, now me and Mrs. Hr are paying a fortune to have it reversed. It's my only regret. Condoms are rubbish, no feeling, fall off, don't fit, rip. I have to say, if my partner gave me a no-sex ultimatum, I'd ring a taxi, pack a bag and you'd be gone.
And I'd break my 'never pack for another grown adult' rule to help you pack.

Do you take no responsibility for your actions in all aspects of your life? Or just when it's only a woman's health at stake?

DorisFlies · 03/02/2022 17:40

www.msichoices.org.uk/other-services/vasectomy/ DH went here - no GP referral needed and was quick and easy

cravingmilkshake · 03/02/2022 17:41

After having a 2 year old and now 4 month old twins... my husband is on the wait list for a phone cal from an HCP to discuss I think!

I basically did the old reverse psychology and said I would definitely have a fourth, so let me know when you are ready to try, though, could be twins again! Even though I definitely do not want another child/children!

Kebabandchipsplease · 03/02/2022 17:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 03/02/2022 17:47

@SoupDragon

Discuss openly without manipulation. I gladly had the op at the time, however, with hindsight it was a mistake.
Positives are.
Partners can come off hormonal manipulating birth control and pregnancy complications.
Unfreezing the burden of sex.
Negatives are.
Increased risk of divorce-less sex.
Maybe post-op complications, mental and physical.
I have zero regrets divorcing my wife, the op itself is easy, undoing the procedure is a rigamarole of epic proportions. I'll be having it reversed-baby-then snip again.

elp30 · 03/02/2022 17:47

@Cosycosynights

What age are all these dhs getting the snip?

I can understand anyone being a bit wary about getting a medical procedure to be honest, but really he's being such a baby making a fuss about condoms.

My husband was 32.

Our third child was definitely unplanned so as soon as she was born, he made an appointment and got the vasectomy done. He was a bit tender for a day and that was that.

Horst · 03/02/2022 17:48

If your having that many problems with condoms your not buying for the size you really are… rip fall off no feeling pretty bad luck.

And well you should of never got snipped if your now planning more children although clearly previously what you has was plenty for you.

Don’t see why current wife’s should have to think about your future wife’s desires for babies tbh. That’s a you problem.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 03/02/2022 18:53

Seriously though he uses confirms it gets the ship or no sex that’s your only options

I’ve taken the pill once in my life for 1 year and I hated it and never ever went on any form of contraception again - any guy I’ve been with I insisted on condoms - my husband has no problem with it

When we are done having kids then we will either contribute with condoms it hel get the snip

I can’t bloody men pushing birth control onto woman all the time

SoupDragon · 03/02/2022 19:21

@Hrpuffnstuff1 all that doesn't really answer the question does it? You argue against both forms of male contraception so what is your solution? Leave it all to the woman?

They have had the discussion, he has agreed and is now faffing about. The OP has every right to choose abstinence as her chosen form of contraception if she so wishes.

SoupDragon · 03/02/2022 19:22

And, like a PP, I'd help you pack too if you expected me to be the one in charge of the contraception for ever.