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Original poster

DH and vasectomy

133 replies

namechangedforthiss1 · 02/02/2022 17:00

Another one of those threads I know I know Blush

So DH and I had 2 DC, I came off contraception due to migraines acne and weight gain and tracked ovulation to avoid pregnancy, ended up pregnant after 8 months as we clearly couldn't say no TMI I know, all good discussed our options and both happy to be having a 3rd, but I'm done, do NOT want anymore babies after this one.

Told DH he needs to look into getting the snip, I believe iv put my body through more than enough giving us 3 DC but regardless I asked about having my tubes done and my consultant has said no, I am to young at risk of haemorrhage and she said the risk of it failing is 1 in 120 women which then can lead to an ectopic pregnancy.

He has agreed but not looked into it at all, coming to the end of the pregnancy now so tried to bring it up again and he just does not want to talk about it shuts me off straight away!

So what do I do? He cant use condoms so its not an option unfortunately!

OP posts:
affairsofdragons · 02/02/2022 18:03

@namechangedforthiss1

He's never been able to "keep it up" we have tried lots of different brands and larger sizes but it just doesn't work Blush
Then he doesn't have sex. It's not rocket science.

or he does what thousands of men do every year and has a vasectomy.

Pootle40 · 02/02/2022 18:04

Phone up and make the appt for him and then tell him date and time

Original poster
namechangedforthiss1 · 02/02/2022 18:04

@WonderfulYou yes iv tried 2 types of the pill and the implant, I refuse to get the coil and the injection is similar to the implant.

OP posts:
Broads93 · 02/02/2022 18:05

@FrippEnos

shouldistop

Like childbirth is a walk in the park

Who said it was, but presumably the OP had the say as to whether she got and stayed pregnant.

No sex until it's sorted, that should get him to get a move on.

Emotional blackmail works wonders doesn't it.

And yes there is a difference between
"No sex until it's sorted"
and
'No sex because I don't want to get pregnant again'

He's literally refused to wear condoms, he's assuming that because she's the woman in the relationship that it's her responsibility to not get pregnant. It's either abstinence or he gets the procedure, seeing as he's declined the other viable option.
arethereanyleftatall · 02/02/2022 18:06

The thing is with all the 'he can't have sex them' type comments, is that punishes the op too, who presumably, likes having sex. Sex isn't a reward for men, it should be mutual fun. How about..'ok, well then we can't have sex until you do, but I have needs, so I'm off to find a fwb.'

GizmosEveningBath · 02/02/2022 18:07

It's not emotional blackmail to say no snip, no sex. OP is within her rights to refuse sex for any reason, if he wants to end the drought, he needs to have the snip.

LefttoherownDevizes · 02/02/2022 18:07

or just buy a load of sex toys. Might decide you're not that bothered about him having it after all

FrippEnos · 02/02/2022 18:09

Broads93

I don't disagree with the condom wearing etc.

But I am going to point out that
"get it done or no sex" is wrong, and is very different to
"I don't want to get pregnant, you won't wear a condom so no sex"

AutomaticMoon · 02/02/2022 18:13

When I was a teenager in another country I used a contraceptive film that melts inside, I found this but apparently it’s meant to be used with a diaphragm, so I must’ve been doing it wrong 🤨

www.biovea.net/UK/product/detail/6548/vaginal-contraceptive-film-9-pack/?TI=GGLUK&C=N&gclid=Cj0KCQiA9OiPBhCOARIsAI0y71B2PKO1sGGmq-y5eCUcdAjZgNea9n0hbSdrVhYZ7-YXCAc82O-86wcaAlW_EALw_wcB

DePfeffoff · 02/02/2022 18:16

@namechangedforthiss1

Has anyone managed to talk there dh round?

He clearly thinks about it as every few weeks will randomly say "I think I will have to get the snip done" and I'm like Hmm no sh*t but when I try and discuss it in detail he shuts down!

Is it that painful being kicked in the b*lls? Confused

Don't discuss it in detail. Next time he says it, get your phone out and make an appointment for him. Most GPs let you make appointments online, so you should be able to do it at any hour.
AutomaticMoon · 02/02/2022 18:16

I’ve come across this while searching for male contraceptive pill 😕 It’s not for men but it’s a progesterone only pill for women who can’t use the estrogen one.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/the-pill-progestogen-only/

Chloemol · 02/02/2022 18:16

I would be asking him why exactly it’s the woman’s job to take any form of contraception regardless of what it is and not the men’s

Snip, Condom or no sex to ensure no baby

His choice women put their bodies through enough childbearing

Unanananana · 02/02/2022 18:17

If he doesn't want the snip its condoms or no sex. You could look at getting sterilised yourself but if you go for it on the NHS its a postcode lottery as to whether it is funded. Kent, for example, does not finance female sterilisation.

Vasectomy is easy and very safe. There will of course be posters with awful horror stories but the vast majority will have no issues. DP had his last June and its been a game-changer. Refered and snipped in less than six weeks too.

Time for your DH to step up for the benefit of both of you. You've done your part.

Chloemol · 02/02/2022 18:17

@Aquamarine1029

But why should the op be responsible for contraception? Wh6 can’t he do it?

Blueuggboots · 02/02/2022 18:18

My now exh has a vasectomy and was back at work the next day. He's a fireman? Split his stitches getting out of the cab but other than that, he was fine.
Point out that you could die.....

Original poster
namechangedforthiss1 · 02/02/2022 18:22

@Blueuggboots he watched me bleed out with DC2 so he knows this, he is worried about this birth but luckily I am having a c section to hopefully stop a haemorrhage from happening!

Going to do some research and send it him! Think he would prefer to go private anyway but the wait is months on the NHS apparently!

OP posts:
saleorbouy · 02/02/2022 18:22

I had the snip 3 years ago by the non scapel method. The procedure itself was less uncomfortable than having my tooth removed at the dentist. The two small stitches in the scrotum were mildly uncomfortable on the second day but all the internal work presented no issues.
Overall it was a worthwhile procedure rhan means than we can have sex without the worry of pregnancy, I think this made us both more relaxed.
I'd definitely recommend the no scapel procedure.

Backtomyoldname · 02/02/2022 18:23

Book him in/make a doctors appointment.

The period up until you have one is a bit like waiting to jump in a cold pool. You know you need to but aren’t keen on what actually happens.

Had mine 29 years ago. Last child is just off 30. A day of discomfort. Far less pain that treading on a lego brick that a 4th child will leave out.

He’s little choice really, the alternatives aren’t nearly as convenient.

saleorbouy · 02/02/2022 18:23

I had it done privately as it's not a free procedure in my country.

MistyFrequencies · 02/02/2022 18:26

My husband's getting one tomorrow. He was reluctant. I really believe his body his choice so never pushed it. What I did say was that I wasn't taking birth control anymore (my body my choice) so we would need to use condoms.
He was ok with that for only a short while before booking it.

RealBecca · 02/02/2022 18:26

Stop raising it Grin

Just say ok to sex. That's your only choice really

RealBecca · 02/02/2022 18:26

Just say NO to sex, not ok!!

Original poster
namechangedforthiss1 · 02/02/2022 18:27

@RealBecca I was sat here thinking is this person serious Halo

OP posts:
Shade17 · 02/02/2022 18:28

I’ll never have one due to risk of long term side effects/chronic pain.

Original poster
namechangedforthiss1 · 02/02/2022 18:28

@MistyFrequencies hoping its the same for us Blush

OP posts: