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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate a certain type of middle-class insult?

326 replies

AllThePogs · 02/02/2022 14:52

I am working class and grew up in a very rough area. If I am going to insult you, I will insult you. It is straightforward and you know where you stand.
But there is a certain kind of middle-class person who insults people using veiled language. I see it on MN all the time.
I can't stand it. It is a way to pretend to be polite and reasonable, while often throwing insults with a pretty vicious undertone.
And these people get away with it again and again.

OP posts:
RussianSpy101 · 02/02/2022 16:28

@AllThePogs this thread proved your point by the end of the first page 😂😂

Original poster
AllThePogs · 02/02/2022 16:30

I know!!

OP posts:
DontWiltMySpinachPlease · 02/02/2022 16:30

This strikes me as such a weird thing to get upset about, it sounds as if you're ok insulting someone as long as they insult you back in the same fashion, but if they choose to do it differently it's somehow unfair? I mean, sorry if you don't like the way someone chooses to express their anger or distaste, but I imagine you getting irritated by it is exactly the point!

SnowWhitesSM · 02/02/2022 16:30

My experience is people that say they call a spade a spade are actually really fucking rude and have sexist/racist opinions.

Passive aggressive example of - oh I don't like black cars after the poster bought one is a perfect example of being passive aggressive.

I really like what you said about the powerlessness @MrsTerryPratchett If I think about the PA people I know that sums them up.

I like calm assertive people and that's what I try to be. There's no point being a martyr and getting back at people by being PA. You should have just asserted your boundaries in a calm way.

I don't think PA is a middle class thing. It might be more prevalent in office based culture rather than the building trade culture but both can be equally trying to gain power over another using either PA or a blunt approach. Both are still manipulations over another.

RussianSpy101 · 02/02/2022 16:31

@DontWiltMySpinachPlease no. It means if you’re going to insult me, don’t be a patronising twat and just say what you want to say!

grapewine · 02/02/2022 16:33

I'm not sure what middle-class insults are, but calling someone "middle class" on here seems to be an insult.

I'm foreign, but I'm also pretty sarcastic by nature, so I got used to it quickly in England. Besides, no one insults as well as Shakespeare did. The insults in his plays are brilliant.

Corporate rudeness is hilarious to me, to be honest. I can't tell people they're being annoying as fuck, but I can express my disdain by referring to my previous email, which they may not have read properly, and offer them my kind regards. It's pretty much the same.

MedusasBadHairDay · 02/02/2022 16:36

@Coronawireless

A vvvv typical example is a customer service agent saying, “I’m sorry you feel that way” Translation: “I’m going to do fuck all to help you but I’m saying it in such a way that you can’t call me or my company out on it.”
Tbf that's not only used in a PA way. It's usually used to try and placate an upset customer before the agent has had a chance to investigate and determine if there is a need for more of an apology. So don't assume that any customer service agent is being PA when they say it.

(Fwiw usually they have far more subtle ways of being PA)

SoupDragon · 02/02/2022 16:37

I'm not sure what middle-class insults are, but calling someone "middle class" on here seems to be an insult.

I agree.

I think it's ridiculous to make out that this is a class issue. Like most things, it is done by a wide variety of people.

AngelicaSchuylerAndHerSisters · 02/02/2022 16:37

Some people are rude, some people are passive aggressive. It has nothing to do with class and you sound like you have a chip on your shoulder, OP.

Svadhyaya · 02/02/2022 16:38

@DrSbaitso

I suppose what annoys me most about the "call a spade a spade" people is that they're rarely actually stating objective, undeniable fact...if they were, they probably wouldn't be in a disagreement in the first place.
Yes - this. "Telling it like it is" isn't actually telling it like it is, it's just someone stating their opinion in an aggressive manner.
midsomermurderess · 02/02/2022 16:38

Is this the mandatory weekly class-warfare thread?

crazyjinglist · 02/02/2022 16:39

A vvvv typical example is a customer service agent saying, “I’m sorry you feel that way” Translation: “I’m going to do fuck all to help you but I’m saying it in such a way that you can’t call me or my company out on it.”

Yep exactly. It is infuriating and designed to shut you up.

Yes, but saying "I'm going to do fuck all to help you" would be just as unhelpful but more offensive. Either way, they aren't going to help you (presumably because of policy). I don't see how being blatantly rude about it helps!

Pallisers · 02/02/2022 16:40

Is there nothing the british can't turn into a class issue? Now there are insults that map to your class? the obsession with class is funny (and so predictable). Has anyone said yet that the upper class and the working class insult in the same healthy, hearty, don't care about appearances way, but those sad middle class people ....

Chasingaftermidnight · 02/02/2022 16:41

My experience is people that say they call a spade a spade are actually really fucking rude and have sexist/racist opinions.

Yes, this is my experience too. The people who proudly declare that they ‘say things as they see them’ and routinely complain that you can’t say ANYTHING without offending people these days (translation: I can’t get away with being racist/sexist/homophobic as much as I used to be able to and I don’t like it).

JuergenSchwarzwald · 02/02/2022 16:43

@RosieGuacamosie

You sound delightful Hmm
The typical MN put-down. Did you feel good after you'd made that comment.

Not sure it's a difference between "middle" and "working" classes but northerners will call a spade a spade.

Flutterflybutterby · 02/02/2022 16:43

@RosieGuacamosie

You sound delightful Hmm
I must say, I read this with glee as the poster is doing the exact thing the OP is saying she hates Grin
fridgepants · 02/02/2022 16:45

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the user's request.

sleaf · 02/02/2022 16:45

OP @AllThePogs it seems you have created this post purposely looking for a fight.

Ricksteinsfishwife · 02/02/2022 16:45

Meh, for me, if someone’s being rude to me, I can respond in anyway I wish, and if it pisses them off, that’s their problem and they shouldn’t have been rude in the first place. I don’t have to do it in such a way to limit their anger. Or in such a way they feel it’s palatable. They can fuck off with that idea.

And it’s certainly not class related. If someone’s being rude, then they can take it anyway I chose to give it back.

XingMing · 02/02/2022 16:45

Fascinating discussion... just going to fetch popcorn.

JuergenSchwarzwald · 02/02/2022 16:46

My experience is people that say they call a spade a spade are actually really fucking rude and have sexist/racist opinions

No, it's about exposing the Emperor's New Clothes. For example sex and gender are not the same. NFTs are a way of separating fools from their money. Nothing sexist or racist about those!

Anyway I find two-facedness "really f-ing rude".

Original poster
AllThePogs · 02/02/2022 16:47

@DontWiltMySpinachPlease

This strikes me as such a weird thing to get upset about, it sounds as if you're ok insulting someone as long as they insult you back in the same fashion, but if they choose to do it differently it's somehow unfair? I mean, sorry if you don't like the way someone chooses to express their anger or distaste, but I imagine you getting irritated by it is exactly the point!
If someone on MN said they thought I was thick, MN would delete the comment for personal insult. If they use a passive-aggressive insult that is worse, they get away with it.
OP posts:
5128gap · 02/02/2022 16:48

@SoupDragon

I'm not sure what middle-class insults are, but calling someone "middle class" on here seems to be an insult.

I agree.

I think it's ridiculous to make out that this is a class issue. Like most things, it is done by a wide variety of people.

Well if MC is intended to be an insult, it needs some work. Given the number of people on here falling over themselves to show how MC they are, I'd say they'd be delighted to have it recognised.
Legomania · 02/02/2022 16:48

You know that MN is reactively moderated, right?

LadyMuckington · 02/02/2022 16:49

@RosieGuacamosie

You sound delightful Hmm
Yes comments like this Grin