that school should offer lunch time detentions?

[ljs22]

Regular poster, NC for this post,

Firstly, I completely agree with the concept of detentions. If my dd (15) has done something wrong, she needs to be punished. That's fine. Thankfully she doesn't get them often - just the occasional one, usually for not doing homework on time.

But (here's the AIBU). After school detentions mean that she misses the school coach, which I pay £60 a month for to bring her home. I work 4 days a week and my partner works long and unpredictable shifts, so we are invariably not available to collect her when she has an after school detention. We have no family locally who can help out.

We also live a 40 min drive away from the school and public transport is a pain as we are in the back end of nowhere and she'd need to get 2 (sometimes 3) buses, one of which runs only every hour, so if she misses that she has a really long wait. Hence why I pay for the coach in the first place as it brings her right to the street we live on.

I've been informed today by email that she's been given an hour detention tomorrow for not doing homework. I've contacted the school to request a lunch time one instead in the circumstances.

But .. AIBU to request this? I'm not sure if I am or not, but I honestly don't know what to do. I can't take time off work to collect her from school, neither can my partner, and I don't want her stranded for ages waiting for buses either when I pay a company to bring her home for precisely that reason.

Yes I’m afraid we will have to agree to disagree. While I appreciate the difficulty of an after school detention when you have limited travel arrangements I can’t agree that the detention itself is invalid. I am glad however that they have managed to arrange it so she can be collected from school afterwards.

It's not about seeing sense. It's because I don't have the time or energy to pursue it. But I still fundamentally completely disagree with the detention being given.

You have to accept the teacher’s rules which are to complete the homework or get a detention. It wouldn’t matter if you had the energy to pursue it, you wouldn’t get anywhere. The school have rules and if you don’t like them, move.
Where do you think the teacher should draw the line, 6,7, 8 questions out of 10 being answered?

If she's made an attempt at least, then it's an improvement on past occasions when she hasn't bothered at all, and on that basis it should imo be recognised as an improvement, rather than punished.

Raise the bar.

She should be doing every piece of homework, not being congratulated that she’s bothered to do it when she hasn’t before. It’s no wonder so many kids are so entitled if their parents think they need recognition to do the basics.

@MrHavelIsHot

If she's made an attempt at least, then it's an improvement on past occasions when she hasn't bothered at all, and on that basis it should imo be recognised as an improvement, rather than punished.

Raise the bar.

She should be doing every piece of homework, not being congratulated that she’s bothered to do it when she hasn’t before. It’s no wonder so many kids are so entitled if their parents think they need recognition to do the basics.

Yes, the idea that she shouldn't be punished because she's not as bad as she used to be is nonsense. It's like someone saying they shouldn't be prosecuted for driving at 50 in a 40 zone, because in the past they were caught doing 60 there.

It's like someone saying they shouldn't be prosecuted for driving at 50 in a 40 zone, because in the past they were caught doing 60 there

It's nothing like that.

It's about motivating someone - a young student - to do their best & have that recognised.

If you are going to get in trouble because you fail to complete every part of a task, why do any? She did 9/10 of the work, and attempted the remaining 1/10

If you are going to get in trouble because you fail to complete every part of a task, why do any?

I have a young teen and I don’t think she’s had that mentality since she was about 4. You do all the homework because that is what the teacher has asked.

Honestly I haven't read the entire thread but got up to the missing question =detention! Talk about ridiculous. Personally in your circumstances my daughter wouldn't be doing after school detentions for such ridiculous reasons. To be honest I wouldn't have her doing them after school for very occasional missed homework either. Even the most well behaved, dedicated child can forget or be unable to do something occasionally.
If it were a behavioural issue then I would support them but not at the expense of her safety so not when she couldn't be collected. Sometimes you need to check your priorities and hold your ground.

Op I'm upset for her. I would be so tempted to call the department head, effectively she's being punished for not knowing / not asking.
Where is the explanation of what she didn't understand?
What's the actual aim of the punishment?

It seems a bit dark ages belting kids for spelling errors.

@Graphista

Define "working"?

Having a dd that does her homework and doesn't lie about it!

She hasn’t ignored suggestions, she’s said they don’t work for her. She emailed the school and the detention was re-arranged for the following week when her partner was able to collect her daughter.

That's the SCHOOL's consequences not ops

Specifically which comments have I ignored?

Quite a number of us have suggested her losing her allowance to cover the cost of a taxi, several of us have said there should probably be another consequence at home eg grounding you can't have missed all of them and you've not responded to any on these consequences

Like umpteen others on this thread have repeatedly suggested.
(Taxi paid by the dd)

Just because we disagree with you doesn't mean we lack reading or comprehension skills!

But they’re not a deterrent! They happen after the fact, the nature of detentions means the threat of a detention doesn’t work!

If they weren't a deterrent none of the kids would behave! Generally after getting one detention/consequence a person will avoid the same happening again - hence deterrent

You might as well say prison isn't a deterrent because it happens after the crime is committed

Exactly the analogy I thought

Why have you posted on here? You are not willing to listen to the majority of people saying you are unreasonable.

Yea it's the old

Op Aibu

Pps yes

Op no I'm not! And here's why YOU are all wrong

Pps still yes

Ok I know on this thread not everyone has said op unreasonable but it is the way the op is thinking

No because the majority had been attempted

According to the dd - who has lied before about homework being completed

But for the most part it does. Given warning of the consequences changes the behaviour of the outliers, leaving only the hard-core chancers.

Yep

@Tomlettegregg yes at 15 you SHOULD be able to trust that a child does their homework - because by that age they should know that not doing so will not have a good outcome for them at home or school! If boundaries and discipline are lax or there's another reason for there being difficulties then at times it will need monitoring

I’m saying they should find a method of discipline that only affects the one being punished not their family.

Ok

What would that be then? Because as far as I'm aware teachers are now no longer allowed to assign mundane duties to pupils, or extra homework or even talk sternly to them any more! They're very very limited in what consequences they can issue!

And why is it solely down to the school?

If my dd was in bother at school she'd have been in bother at home too!

Not the schools job to ensure the behaviour of the child

The school should be working jointly with parents

And vice versa!

The school can't do their job to the best of their ability if pupils aren't fully engaged and if parents upon being told this don't address it

When did the op say her DD had lied before about her homework being completed, or did you feel the need to lie yourself?

[quote TeenTitan007]@echt - of course schools listen to parents that make noise! They may not agree but they do hear them out. All that OP needs is for them to notice that they've unfairly given her DD detention and be careful in the future. If it repeats she then has recourse to escalate.

When parents choose to stay silent ofcourse schools don't 'listen'. Try making noise and see where it gets you.[/quote]
They were known as "signposted parents" in my last school. They were put on a specific list of parents whose children received priority treatment. All the pupils knew who they were.

Have you emailed the teacher? My dd had a homework issue - it was more a case of misunderstanding rather than deliberately not doing it, it had been set previously and she thought she didn't need to do it again but it was set again for revision purposes but that wasn't made clear. I emailed her teacher and while I agreed she still needed to do the detention (he explained to her that if he let the good kids off it wasn't fair on the naughty ones, which I get)he was impressed with the way both my dd and I dealt with the issue.
I'm sure many parents would've said not to bother attending the detention which only goes to set a bad precedent. Schools and teachers need parents to be on the same page.

I live in the middle of nowhere. My nearest bus stop is a couple of miles away down a very dark lane and the buses only run a few times a day.

Therefore I wouldn't allow my daughter to travel home on her own in the dark after school to our house.

There DO need to be sanctions in place at school for inappropriate behaviour, such as loss of privileges or lunchtime detentions etc.

However, if I was in your situation I'd be telling the school that my daughter travelling home alone is a safeguarding issue!

@MrHavelIsHot

It's not about seeing sense. It's because I don't have the time or energy to pursue it. But I still fundamentally completely disagree with the detention being given.

You have to accept the teacher’s rules which are to complete the homework or get a detention. It wouldn’t matter if you had the energy to pursue it, you wouldn’t get anywhere. The school have rules and if you don’t like them, move.
Where do you think the teacher should draw the line, 6,7, 8 questions out of 10 being answered?

If I had the energy to properly pursue it, I assure you she would not be doing the detention.

@EarringsandLipstick

It's like someone saying they shouldn't be prosecuted for driving at 50 in a 40 zone, because in the past they were caught doing 60 there

It's nothing like that.

It's about motivating someone - a young student - to do their best & have that recognised.

If you are going to get in trouble because you fail to complete every part of a task, why do any? She did 9/10 of the work, and attempted the remaining 1/10

Agreed. What an absolutely ridiculous analogy. Speeding is breaking the law - there's no room for negotiation. Speeding less than you did last time is not worthy of praise.

A child improving her effort and attainment from where it used to be is worthy of praise, and is what motivates us as humans to continue bettering ourselves.

OP, you need to find the energy to pursue it. This is your daughter!

Never mind the technicalities here but teachers aren't paid for their lunch time. It's unpaid.

So they are perfectly within their rights to say no to offering a lunchtime detention.

Posters on this thread are mad.
Last week there was a thread by an adult woman, about walking home from work, a route she knew well and was busy and many many posters were saying no way and her covid positive partner should collect her or she should get a taxi.
Now people think it is ok of a 15 yr old, to get multiple buses, long waits for connections, in isolated rural areas - but that's ok - because that's a consequence of not doing her homework.
People are mad.

A child improving her effort and attainment from where it used to be is worthy of praise, and is what motivates us as humans to continue bettering ourselves.

She should always have been completing all parts of all homework. As a parent, I can’t imagine expecting less and expecting recognition when that is done. Homework is set, you do it.

@Migrainesbythedozen

OP, you need to find the energy to pursue it. This is your daughter!

You know what, maybe you're right ...

*I never said a teachers needs weren't important ffs. The utter fiction on this thread! hmm

Thankfully most people can read and can see my point of view...*

Yes you did by suggesting that they should give up their lunch break because the original plan was an inconvenience to you. You thought that their lunch break was not important at all whereas your time was by expecting them to give it up on your say so. Yes I can read, you said you wanted them to go without basics like food and the toilet because the alternative was an inconvenience to you. It formed the basis of your whole post!

I don’t mean this to be as bitchy as it is going to sound, OP, but you found plenty of energy to defend yourself on this thread. Channel it somewhere constructive if you feel strongly about the situation.

@Awalkintime

*I never said a teachers needs weren't important ffs. The utter fiction on this thread! hmm

Thankfully most people can read and can see my point of view...*

Yes you did by suggesting that they should give up their lunch break because the original plan was an inconvenience to you. You thought that their lunch break was not important at all whereas your time was by expecting them to give it up on your say so. Yes I can read, you said you wanted them to go without basics like food and the toilet because the alternative was an inconvenience to you. It formed the basis of your whole post!

Or... perhaps l assumed that lunch time detentions were standard in schools and that maybe teachers took it in turns to cover them and ate their lunch whilst covering them? In my job there are often duties or meetings that need covering over lunch time - we rotate who attends them and eat our lunch whilst doing them.

So yeah.. a vastly different to your fictional narrative that I don't care about the basic needs of humans, ffs.

@WitchWithoutChips

I don’t mean this to be as bitchy as it is going to sound, OP, but you found plenty of energy to defend yourself on this thread. Channel it somewhere constructive if you feel strongly about the situation.

Tbh the idiocy on this thread has inspired me to challenge it, now.

@MrHavelIsHot

A child improving her effort and attainment from where it used to be is worthy of praise, and is what motivates us as humans to continue bettering ourselves.

She should always have been completing all parts of all homework. As a parent, I can’t imagine expecting less and expecting recognition when that is done. Homework is set, you do it.

Yes silly me. She should always have been perfect and an infallible human from day one. What a failure as a mother I must be that she has human flaws.

Yes I can read, you said you wanted them to go without basics like food and the toilet because the alternative was an inconvenience to you.

I categorically did NOT say this. That's blatant fiction.