that school should offer lunch time detentions?

[ljs22]

Regular poster, NC for this post,

Firstly, I completely agree with the concept of detentions. If my dd (15) has done something wrong, she needs to be punished. That's fine. Thankfully she doesn't get them often - just the occasional one, usually for not doing homework on time.

But (here's the AIBU). After school detentions mean that she misses the school coach, which I pay £60 a month for to bring her home. I work 4 days a week and my partner works long and unpredictable shifts, so we are invariably not available to collect her when she has an after school detention. We have no family locally who can help out.

We also live a 40 min drive away from the school and public transport is a pain as we are in the back end of nowhere and she'd need to get 2 (sometimes 3) buses, one of which runs only every hour, so if she misses that she has a really long wait. Hence why I pay for the coach in the first place as it brings her right to the street we live on.

I've been informed today by email that she's been given an hour detention tomorrow for not doing homework. I've contacted the school to request a lunch time one instead in the circumstances.

But .. AIBU to request this? I'm not sure if I am or not, but I honestly don't know what to do. I can't take time off work to collect her from school, neither can my partner, and I don't want her stranded for ages waiting for buses either when I pay a company to bring her home for precisely that reason.

Well she is going to have to use her own money to get the service bus and suck up the timings or spend more of her own money on a taxi.

If she hasn't got the cash you could agree to dock it from future pocket money.

She's 15, it isn't the middle of the night, it will be the time many office/retail workers will be traveling home Getting around when it is dark is a life skill. How is she going to get home from work if she can't get a bus in the dark? This is practice for the future.

We lived in the arse end of nowhere and went to a school where most pupils got school transport to an outlying village. We didn’t ever get after school detentions. It was all done in the day time.

Saying “teachers miss lunch” is ridiculous as teachers do lots of lunchtime duties at our daughter’s school. They don’t do after school detentions there either.

If she’s telling you homework is done when it’s not complete then she is lying, although it’s not clear if you asked her about this particular piece of homework.

The school has been reasonable and it’s good that you’ve seen sense to not pursue it further. Hopefully she won’t do it again.

@JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon so you really believe it is acceptable for a young girl of 15 years old to be left wandering around close to darkness on her own? OP has repeatedly mentioned that her daughter would have to catch 3 buses to make the journey home and as we all know buses are not the most reliable of services so if they didn't connect properly then OP daughter would be waiting for over 1 hour for the bus. Do you honestly think that is a life skill, waiting around in the dark at 15 years old? Some of the responses on this thread would be completely different if something actually did happen.

If you have read through the post, you will find that school have realised the OP 15 year old daughter would be put in a vulnerable position and have agreed to an alternative detention date whereby her daughter can be picked up from school, thank goodness some common sense has prevailed!

@BrambleRoses

It’s actually really shit that a teenager should have to ‘pay’ for a taxi as a punishment.

Repeated omissions, possibly. Being rude - maybe. One missed homework? FGS.

@BrambleRoses

It isn’t really ‘one missed homework.’ She has done this before and tells her mum she couldn’t be bothered because she doesn’t like the subject.

Maybe her mum should explain to her how this affects the whole family and why that makes it selfish. But it seems the preferable view is to insist the teen has actually done nothing wrong. At 15 she should know how this affects her mum as well.

So it is ‘repeated omissions.’

@Kanaloa have you read through all the posts, OP daughter did complete her homework, she missed one question out which she did not know the answer to. Detention is harsh in my opinion but OP has come to a compromise with school!

maybe her mum should explain to her how this affects the whole family and why that makes it selfish

Teenagers not handing homework in is really not the heinous crime it is being made out here to be.

I think you're being unreasonable here. I used to work in a secondary school. If someone has a lunch time detention it means a member of staff doesn't get a lunch break! The simplist solution would be for your child to do her homework, to avoid future detentions. Can't she make her own way home on these 2/3 buses. Surely the inconvenience and loss of time, will teach her to do her homework?

@Wheelz46

On this occasion she says she did the questions. On previous occasions she did not attempt the homework at all because it was boring and she couldn’t be bothered doing it. So this has happened before.

have you read through all the posts, OP daughter did complete her homework, she missed one question out

Missing a question means it wasn’t complete, regardless of the reason.

Make her wait for a bus and take something off her that she likes for a week as extra punishment. Or take the money for the bus out of her pocket money or savings.

@Kanaloa but we are not talking past tense, we are talking about what has happened now and the reason for the detention now is because she missed 1 question off from her homework as she didn't know the answer.

It's beside the point anyway as OP originally asked if it was unreasonable to ask for the detention to be moved to lunchtime!

@MrHavelIsHot if you are going to quote me, can you at least quote the full sentence. Yes she didn't answer 1 question as she didn't know the answer!!! What is the alternative, make up a random answer to avoid detention or have a discussion with the teacher when marking!

Depends what 'one question' means doesn't it? 1 maths question out of 50 missed out, equals bonkers response. 1 essay question of 2 missed out, equals incomplete.

@Wheelz46
I can't imagine there's many parents in the Uk who don't let their 15 yr old eg walk to the shops or to their friends or to school on their own. At my dds primary school they actively encourage walking to and from school from year 5 (so 9 years old), and unless you live next door to someone, some of that journey will be on their own. My sister lives in Norway, her children have walked to school and back since they were 6. A 15 year old walking out on their own in late afternoon isn't a particularly rare sight. Even if you do use the words 'wandering about alone' to make it sound so much more scary.

Depends what 'one question' means doesn't it? 1 maths question out of 50 missed out, equals bonkers response. 1 essay question of 2 missed out, equals incomplete.

There were 10 questions. The last one attempted (she wrote a sentence to begin answering it), but only partially answered due to her not understanding.

if you are going to quote me, can you at least quote the full sentence. Yes she didn't answer 1 question as she didn't know the answer!!! What is the alternative, make up a random answer to avoid detention or have a discussion with the teacher when marking!

I did write, ‘regardless of the reason’ to say that not not knowing he answer isn’t a good reason for not doing the question.
At age 15, the very obvious alternative is to speak to the teacher to get help before the homework is due in as other people have said.

@arethereanyleftatall depends where you live in comparison to the destination. OP daughter lives 40 minutes away and is in a rural area. It's not about using words to make it sound scary, it's factual information!

I am sure plenty of 15 year olds walk to the back shop or nip round the corner to their mates house, in this scenario you are not talking about a journey taking 3 buses that are not reliable!

A few of the primary aged children in year 6 at my kids school walk home on their own, in the daylight, detention isn't a thing and the primary children who walk home literally live in a 10 minute walking distance not a 40 minute journey involving 3 buses!

[quote Kanaloa]@Wheelz46

On this occasion she says she did the questions. On previous occasions she did not attempt the homework at all because it was boring and she couldn’t be bothered doing it. So this has happened before.[/quote]

What has that got to do with the current situation though? Do you think the school should punish her for past "offences" repeatedly? She did her detentions back then when she didn't do her homework. It's done and moved on from. It's irrelevant to this situation.

[quote Wheelz46]@JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon so you really believe it is acceptable for a young girl of 15 years old to be left wandering around close to darkness on her own? OP has repeatedly mentioned that her daughter would have to catch 3 buses to make the journey home and as we all know buses are not the most reliable of services so if they didn't connect properly then OP daughter would be waiting for over 1 hour for the bus. Do you honestly think that is a life skill, waiting around in the dark at 15 years old? Some of the responses on this thread would be completely different if something actually did happen.

If you have read through the post, you will find that school have realised the OP 15 year old daughter would be put in a vulnerable position and have agreed to an alternative detention date whereby her daughter can be picked up from school, thank goodness some common sense has prevailed![/quote]

I'm on the app it didn't load all of the posts until I came back into the thread. In light of the information that the girl only missed one question it all seems a bit disproportionate.

However I don't think it is unreasonable for a 15 year old to catch a service bus in the dark given that it will be around 5 or 6pm, rather than late at night.

The hour plus wait is only if a bus is delayed leading to a missed connection.

Generally a 15 year old should be capable of doing this type of journey at this time of day and inconvenience is part of the punishment.

Obviously there might be specific issues around the places she waits that might be more worrying in this case but often you can wait elsewhere or choose a route that involves a different location to change buses even if it makes the journey longer.

For context when I was 16 I used to do a lengthy two bus journey daily to go to sixth form and back. It was dark when I did the journey for many months. Mostly I didn't need to wait more than half an hour for a bus but I can remember occasions when it was longer, in the dark, but not late at night. My sister did an even longer journey at that age, although she only needed to get a service bus that involved changing occasionally when the college bus was unsuitable.

I would write to school saying she can do lunch time but not after school
I wouldn't be ok with this at all it's not safe for her to come home in the dark alone.

Obviously there might be specific issues around the places she waits that might be more worrying in this case but often you can wait elsewhere or choose a route that involves a different location to change buses even if it makes the journey longer.

There is only one route she can take. There is only one bus that provides a service to the road we live on. I live rurally. I think I mentioned that.

Give one special treatment, everyone wants it...I would.

The school has been reasonable and it’s good that you’ve seen sense to not pursue it further.

It's not about seeing sense. It's because I don't have the time or energy to pursue it. But I still fundamentally completely disagree with the detention being given.

What has that got to do with the current situation though? Do you think the school should punish her for past "offences" repeatedly? She did her detentions back then when she didn't do her homework. It's done and moved on from. It's irrelevant to this situation.

Unfortunately we don’t exist in a vacuum. A girl who has always meticulously handed in homework that she’s clearly worked hard at is likely to be given more leeway than a girl who has on more than one occasion not even bothered to look at it because it’s boring and she can’t be bothered.

Much like someone who regularly rings in sick on a Monday because they cba is more likely to be pulled up than someone who is always a good worker and reliable who then goes home sick.

@Kanaloa

What has that got to do with the current situation though? Do you think the school should punish her for past "offences" repeatedly? She did her detentions back then when she didn't do her homework. It's done and moved on from. It's irrelevant to this situation.

Unfortunately we don’t exist in a vacuum. A girl who has always meticulously handed in homework that she’s clearly worked hard at is likely to be given more leeway than a girl who has on more than one occasion not even bothered to look at it because it’s boring and she can’t be bothered.

Much like someone who regularly rings in sick on a Monday because they cba is more likely to be pulled up than someone who is always a good worker and reliable who then goes home sick.

She doesn't say to her teacher that she can't be bothered- she says it to me. She isn't the sort of girl to say things like that to a teacher, she's a polite and well mannered girl.

And whilst I fully understand that we don't exist as humans in vacuums (thank you for unnecessarily pointing that out), I don't agree that this means she should be judged for her current actions and attempts at school work on the basis of her past behaviour. If she's made an attempt at least, then it's an improvement on past occasions when she hasn't bothered at all, and on that basis it should imo be recognised as an improvement, rather than punished. She's received the same sanction as students who didn't even attempt the work. I don't regard that as fair.

We will have to agree to disagree, I'm afraid.