that school should offer lunch time detentions?

[ljs22]

Regular poster, NC for this post,

Firstly, I completely agree with the concept of detentions. If my dd (15) has done something wrong, she needs to be punished. That's fine. Thankfully she doesn't get them often - just the occasional one, usually for not doing homework on time.

But (here's the AIBU). After school detentions mean that she misses the school coach, which I pay £60 a month for to bring her home. I work 4 days a week and my partner works long and unpredictable shifts, so we are invariably not available to collect her when she has an after school detention. We have no family locally who can help out.

We also live a 40 min drive away from the school and public transport is a pain as we are in the back end of nowhere and she'd need to get 2 (sometimes 3) buses, one of which runs only every hour, so if she misses that she has a really long wait. Hence why I pay for the coach in the first place as it brings her right to the street we live on.

I've been informed today by email that she's been given an hour detention tomorrow for not doing homework. I've contacted the school to request a lunch time one instead in the circumstances.

But .. AIBU to request this? I'm not sure if I am or not, but I honestly don't know what to do. I can't take time off work to collect her from school, neither can my partner, and I don't want her stranded for ages waiting for buses either when I pay a company to bring her home for precisely that reason.

If a teacher suggested a OPs child wasn't allowed to go to the toilet

Funnily enough, they do this to her too!! That's a whole different thread, though .......

I’m not sure there’s much point in giving a kid detention for not doing their homework anyway. She’s in a GCSE year, the punishment for not engaging in your work properly is being ill prepared for your GCSEs. I wouldn’t have bothered going to any ‘detention’ meted out to me at that age.

@Graphista

I'm not going to ground my daughter for struggling with one homework question ffs! What sort of parenting method is that?

*Yea it's the old

Op Aibu

Pps yes

Op no I'm not! And here's why YOU are all wrong

Pps still yes*

Absolute rubbish! It's seems fairly split if not majority in my favour. I love it when people project and invent stuff to support their own narrative. Utterly fascinating...

According to the dd - who has lied before about homework being completed

Lied? Where have I said she's lied?! More fiction! I said that on occasion, she openly says "I haven't done it, I couldn't be bothered". Basically the opposite of lying. This time, she hasn't don't that at all - she's attempted it! So the fact that she's not been arsed to do her homework on occasion jn the past is neither here nor there because on this occasion she has!

@ljs22

*Yea it's the old

Op Aibu

Pps yes

Op no I'm not! And here's why YOU are all wrong

Pps still yes*

Absolute rubbish! It's seems fairly split if not majority in my favour. I love it when people project and invent stuff to support their own narrative. Utterly fascinating...

Most of them are wrong though. Detention is a lazy punishment and it doesn’t work.

The school can't do their job to the best of their ability if pupils aren't fully engaged and if parents upon being told this don't address it

Ignoring the email would be not addressing it. Not even having a conversation with my DD when she got home from school because I can't be arsed, would be not addressing it. I'm clearly invested in addressing it.

You're taking the brunt of her poor choices, she won't stop until she feels the consequences herself. Make her wait for the bus or until you've finished work.

You're taking the brunt of her poor choices,

Well, yeah, that's part of parenting a teen isn't it. As a teen my younger sister ran away from home and had my parents worried sick for over a week before she was located by the police. They took the brunt of that, too, it made my Dad really unwell with stress. I doubt he's the first parent to be impacted upon by a teenager child's poor choices, and neither am I.

However, that's by the by. In this instance, her only "crime" is not understanding a question and not approaching the teacher about it before the lesson. I stand by my view that this does not warrant an after school detention. If she'd done none of her work? Yes, absolutely. But she did - she made a really good attempt.

Pumperthepumper

So what punishments should schools use?

@FrippEnos

Pumperthepumper

So what punishments should schools use?

None. Punishments don’t work because they only happen after the fact.

ljs22
However, that's by the by. In this instance, her only "crime" is not understanding a question and not approaching the teacher about it before the lesson. I stand by my view that this does not warrant an after school detention. If she'd done none of her work? Yes, absolutely. But she did - she made a really good attempt.

Except that you don't know when this attempt was made.

Pumperthepumper

None. Punishments don’t work because they only happen after the fact.

So what should schools do?

and all punishments happen after the fact

@FrippEnos

ljs22 However, that's by the by. In this instance, her only "crime" is not understanding a question and not approaching the teacher about it before the lesson. I stand by my view that this does not warrant an after school detention. If she'd done none of her work? Yes, absolutely. But she did - she made a really good attempt.

Except that you don't know when this attempt was made.

My daughter doesn't lie. She's guilty of being lazy and not doing homework on occasion, yes; and openly saying "I couldn't be bothered to do it". Lying, no. So I have no reason not to believe her. Would you suspect your child of lying if they had no form for this? Why would you do that?

@FrippEnos

Pumperthepumper

None. Punishments don’t work because they only happen after the fact.

So what should schools do?

and all punishments happen after the fact

Exactly, that’s why they don’t work.

Schools should find out why their pupil is behaving like that, and work to accommodate that. For it to work you have to see children as fallible, flawed humans and not massive pains in the area that need to be stomped down at any slight twitch

*arse

Pumperthepumper

And how are schools going to do that?

None. Punishments don’t work because they only happen after the fact.

I’m really looking forward to seeing your campaign to dismantle the entire justice system.

Are you proposing punishments before the fact, Minority Report-style? Or just that as a society we simply let everyone behave precisely as they choose with no fear of any consequences?

@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross

None. Punishments don’t work because they only happen after the fact.

I’m really looking forward to seeing your campaign to dismantle the entire justice system.

Are you proposing punishments before the fact, Minority Report-style? Or just that as a society we simply let everyone behave precisely as they choose with no fear of any consequences?

I think @Pumperthepumper is proposing empathy, understanding and support after the fact... as a more effective method than "you did something wrong, sit in this room for an hour and shut up".

@FrippEnos

Pumperthepumper

And how are schools going to do that?

We do it by getting to know the needs of children we teach and accommodating them. So not having them sit at a desk for long periods, not setting homework (pointless), having a level of expectation that is achievable.

@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross

None. Punishments don’t work because they only happen after the fact.

I’m really looking forward to seeing your campaign to dismantle the entire justice system.

Are you proposing punishments before the fact, Minority Report-style? Or just that as a society we simply let everyone behave precisely as they choose with no fear of any consequences?

No, that as a society we meet people’s needs before they go on to do something wrong.

But you should already know that prison doesn’t work either. You’re massively more likely to reoffend after your first jail sentence.

Pumperthepumper

We do it by getting to know the needs of children we teach and accommodating them. So not having them sit at a desk for long periods, not setting homework (pointless), having a level of expectation that is achievable.

So basically rebuilding the schools system from the ground up, removing school league tables, judging schools by exam results and centring the entirety of education on the child.
And of course respecting those that you expect to do this.

It wouldn't be a bad thing but you would need to get it passed not only the government but parents as well.

and employing many more people to the education system

@FrippEnos

Pumperthepumper

We do it by getting to know the needs of children we teach and accommodating them. So not having them sit at a desk for long periods, not setting homework (pointless), having a level of expectation that is achievable.

So basically rebuilding the schools system from the ground up, removing school league tables, judging schools by exam results and centring the entirety of education on the child.
And of course respecting those that you expect to do this.

It wouldn't be a bad thing but you would need to get it passed not only the government but parents as well.

Already done.

@FrippEnos

and employing many more people to the education system

I’ll never argue against more school staff, but actually, nurture is a huge part of teacher training these days. Bullying children to keep them in line with the vague notion of ‘school rules’ is thankfully dying out, and I’m delighted to see it go.