that school should offer lunch time detentions?

[ljs22]

Regular poster, NC for this post,

Firstly, I completely agree with the concept of detentions. If my dd (15) has done something wrong, she needs to be punished. That's fine. Thankfully she doesn't get them often - just the occasional one, usually for not doing homework on time.

But (here's the AIBU). After school detentions mean that she misses the school coach, which I pay £60 a month for to bring her home. I work 4 days a week and my partner works long and unpredictable shifts, so we are invariably not available to collect her when she has an after school detention. We have no family locally who can help out.

We also live a 40 min drive away from the school and public transport is a pain as we are in the back end of nowhere and she'd need to get 2 (sometimes 3) buses, one of which runs only every hour, so if she misses that she has a really long wait. Hence why I pay for the coach in the first place as it brings her right to the street we live on.

I've been informed today by email that she's been given an hour detention tomorrow for not doing homework. I've contacted the school to request a lunch time one instead in the circumstances.

But .. AIBU to request this? I'm not sure if I am or not, but I honestly don't know what to do. I can't take time off work to collect her from school, neither can my partner, and I don't want her stranded for ages waiting for buses either when I pay a company to bring her home for precisely that reason.

@Pumperthepumper

I can’t see that emoji, it’s just coming up as a dotted square.

It's a yellow flower.

What does that mean?

@Pumperthepumper

What does that mean?

I'm not sure!

😂 ah well!

Your request is completely reasonable. If the school can't accommodate tell your DD to just apologise for missing homework, explain she can't stay as its not possible to safely get home then she should just leave and get the bus as normal.

Missing the odd homework is utterly trivial and shouldn't mess up your life.

@Menstrualcycledisplayteam

Well, good for you OP. You've got what you wanted, the detention that your daughter deserved being rearranged, and you seemingly have a load of other people willing to tell you what a great parent you are. You're really not - you're lazy and disengaged and your daughter has learned (from you) that there are no consequences to poor behaviour.

I do wonder whether the hours and hours you've spent on this thread today might have been better spent, gosh, I don't know, supervising her homework, but you obviously know best.

😂 I'm sure people are reading a completely different thread to me.

How can it get to this from OP asking if its unreasonable to ask for a change of time or day for a detention.

@TheChip

I was just about to comment the same. "Lazy and disengaged" - so disengaged in fact, that I'm heavily invested in exploring the reasons for my DD being punished.

@Menstrualcycledisplayteam Yes you're right - I absolutely should have spent today supervising her homework whilst she was at school. I mean, what was I thinking?! Shit parenting. Dreadful.

Email head of house/year and explain the safety issues.

Define "working"?

Having a dd that does her homework and doesn't lie about it!

She hasn’t ignored suggestions, she’s said they don’t work for her. She emailed the school and the detention was re-arranged for the following week when her partner was able to collect her daughter.

That's the SCHOOL's consequences not ops

Specifically which comments have I ignored?

Quite a number of us have suggested her losing her allowance to cover the cost of a taxi, several of us have said there should probably be another consequence at home eg grounding you can't have missed all of them and you've not responded to any on these consequences

Like umpteen others on this thread have repeatedly suggested.
(Taxi paid by the dd)

Just because we disagree with you doesn't mean we lack reading or comprehension skills!

But they’re not a deterrent! They happen after the fact, the nature of detentions means the threat of a detention doesn’t work!

If they weren't a deterrent none of the kids would behave! Generally after getting one detention/consequence a person will avoid the same happening again - hence deterrent

You might as well say prison isn't a deterrent because it happens after the crime is committed

Exactly the analogy I thought

Why have you posted on here? You are not willing to listen to the majority of people saying you are unreasonable.

Yea it's the old

Op Aibu

Pps yes

Op no I'm not! And here's why YOU are all wrong

Pps still yes

Ok I know on this thread not everyone has said op unreasonable but it is the way the op is thinking

No because the majority had been attempted

According to the dd - who has lied before about homework being completed

But for the most part it does. Given warning of the consequences changes the behaviour of the outliers, leaving only the hard-core chancers.

Yep

@Tomlettegregg yes at 15 you SHOULD be able to trust that a child does their homework - because by that age they should know that not doing so will not have a good outcome for them at home or school! If boundaries and discipline are lax or there's another reason for there being difficulties then at times it will need monitoring

I’m saying they should find a method of discipline that only affects the one being punished not their family.

Ok

What would that be then? Because as far as I'm aware teachers are now no longer allowed to assign mundane duties to pupils, or extra homework or even talk sternly to them any more! They're very very limited in what consequences they can issue!

And why is it solely down to the school?

If my dd was in bother at school she'd have been in bother at home too!

Not the schools job to ensure the behaviour of the child

The school should be working jointly with parents

And vice versa!

The school can't do their job to the best of their ability if pupils aren't fully engaged and if parents upon being told this don't address it

[quote ljs22]@TheChip

I was just about to comment the same. "Lazy and disengaged" - so disengaged in fact, that I'm heavily invested in exploring the reasons for my DD being punished.

@Menstrualcycledisplayteam Yes you're right - I absolutely should have spent today supervising her homework whilst she was at school. I mean, what was I thinking?! Shit parenting. Dreadful. [/quote]
No, you're "heavily invested" in concluding that the punishment was undeserved. Despite your daughter not doing her homework, and getting a detention, for what clearly isn't the first time.

And you started the thread at around 2.30pm. Even if your daughter had got, yet another completely undeserved detention, the majority of the time you've spent justifying your own inaction today has been after school hours or, to put it another way, during homework time.

But again, this is another "AIBU?" "Yes" "No,I'm not" threads. Bored now. Your daughter will continue to get detentions because you continue to downplay the consequences. See you for your next name change.

You are absolutely right to advocate for and prioritise your daughter’s safety, OP.

There are far too many women and girls being murdered to be blasé about catching 3 buses in the dark.

It often feels like there are far too many teachers on MN, and that they often gang up on an OP when they perceive there to be any criticism of a teacher.

It often feels like there are far too many teachers on MN, and that they often gang up on an OP when they perceive there to be any criticism of a teacher

What would be an acceptable number for you?

Ganging up? How about having the same opinion(s), and not one(s) to the liking of the OP?

In Australia, after school detentions have been banned in all schools for at least 3 decades by memory. Because then children could miss the bus, and it's a safeguarding issue. And schools can be liable if child misses the bus. Lunch time detention is the only time detention is held. Not sure why UK is so behind the times on this.

@Migrainesbythedozen

In Australia, after school detentions have been banned in all schools for at least 3 decades by memory. Because then children could miss the bus, and it's a safeguarding issue. And schools can be liable if child misses the bus. Lunch time detention is the only time detention is held. Not sure why UK is so behind the times on this.

The UK is behind the times on many aspects of education, not least the obsession with uniform.

@echt

The schools not there to improve their home life. Their parents sign up to the school's rules.

That's a very outdated attitude. Schools are families need to work together.

@Migrainesbythedozen

In Australia, after school detentions have been banned in all schools for at least 3 decades by memory. Because then children could miss the bus, and it's a safeguarding issue. And schools can be liable if child misses the bus. Lunch time detention is the only time detention is held. Not sure why UK is so behind the times on this.

Er...no they haven't. After-school detentions have run all the time I've taught in Victoria and still do so.

Education is devolved to states/territories, so there isn't an "Australian" law on this.

@echt I am a teacher and I agree with the OP (posted above) and my school would agree with the OP. There would be a note on this girl's file that detentions would need to be at lunchtime. No drama, no safeguarding issue, child misses seeing her mates for 35 mins at lunch and is annoyed enough to do her hw next time.

It often feels like there are far too many teachers on MN, and that they often gang up on an OP when they perceive there to be any criticism of a teacher.

As a teacher the issue for me is a parent telling me change already planned events and to do without food, a break and the toilet as something is an inconvenience to them. It is perfectly fine to be an inconvenience to me, prevent me from even using the toilet during the course of the day so long as it makes their life easier.

If a teacher suggested a OPs child wasn't allowed to go to the toilet, eat or drink during the day I bet she would be up in arms. The fact is she doesn't care about how it inconveniences the teacher or if it causes ill health to the teacher so long as she doesn't have to change her schedule.

If she had said WIBU to ask the school to change to something more convenient, then I wouldn't have an issue as that would allow for convenience to work both ways. The issue I took was saying a teacher's basic needs are not important.

[quote RBKB]@echt I am a teacher and I agree with the OP (posted above) and my school would agree with the OP. There would be a note on this girl's file that detentions would need to be at lunchtime. No drama, no safeguarding issue, child misses seeing her mates for 35 mins at lunch and is annoyed enough to do her hw next time.[/quote]
It's an hour's detention that was set.

UK teachers aren't paid for the lunch hour, so how is that going to happen?

Me: The schools not there to improve their home life. Their parents sign up to the school's rules

You: That's a very outdated attitude. Schools are families need to work together

Not an attitude, a fact. Schools and families working together is not predicated on improving their home life.

UK teachers aren’t paid for the lunch hour

There’s no law that says detentions have to be set for missed homework, either.

@Awalkintime

It often feels like there are far too many teachers on MN, and that they often gang up on an OP when they perceive there to be any criticism of a teacher.

As a teacher the issue for me is a parent telling me change already planned events and to do without food, a break and the toilet as something is an inconvenience to them. It is perfectly fine to be an inconvenience to me, prevent me from even using the toilet during the course of the day so long as it makes their life easier.

If a teacher suggested a OPs child wasn't allowed to go to the toilet, eat or drink during the day I bet she would be up in arms. The fact is she doesn't care about how it inconveniences the teacher or if it causes ill health to the teacher so long as she doesn't have to change her schedule.

If she had said WIBU to ask the school to change to something more convenient, then I wouldn't have an issue as that would allow for convenience to work both ways. The issue I took was saying a teacher's basic needs are not important.

I never said a teachers needs weren't important ffs. The utter fiction on this thread!

Thankfully most people can read and can see my point of view...

[quote RBKB]@echt I am a teacher and I agree with the OP (posted above) and my school would agree with the OP. There would be a note on this girl's file that detentions would need to be at lunchtime. No drama, no safeguarding issue, child misses seeing her mates for 35 mins at lunch and is annoyed enough to do her hw next time.[/quote]

A few teachers have commented to say they see my point and would be flexible in the circumstances - very reassuring to know

I would email the teacher and say that unfortunately she cannot have an after school detention as she will miss the school bus and you have no other way to get her home. However, you agree that she needs sanctions for her inappropriate behaviour, so can the teacher suggest other options please.