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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

that school should offer lunch time detentions?

1000 replies

ljs22 · 02/02/2022 14:40

Regular poster, NC for this post,

Firstly, I completely agree with the concept of detentions. If my dd (15) has done something wrong, she needs to be punished. That's fine. Thankfully she doesn't get them often - just the occasional one, usually for not doing homework on time.

But (here's the AIBU). After school detentions mean that she misses the school coach, which I pay £60 a month for to bring her home. I work 4 days a week and my partner works long and unpredictable shifts, so we are invariably not available to collect her when she has an after school detention. We have no family locally who can help out.

We also live a 40 min drive away from the school and public transport is a pain as we are in the back end of nowhere and she'd need to get 2 (sometimes 3) buses, one of which runs only every hour, so if she misses that she has a really long wait. Hence why I pay for the coach in the first place as it brings her right to the street we live on.

I've been informed today by email that she's been given an hour detention tomorrow for not doing homework. I've contacted the school to request a lunch time one instead in the circumstances.

But .. AIBU to request this? I'm not sure if I am or not, but I honestly don't know what to do. I can't take time off work to collect her from school, neither can my partner, and I don't want her stranded for ages waiting for buses either when I pay a company to bring her home for precisely that reason.

OP posts:
Amy89 · 02/02/2022 21:20

Making things inconvenient for parents makes a point though doesn’t it? Sort your kid out

EarringsandLipstick · 02/02/2022 21:21

@ElftonWednesday

We need more adults who are comfortable saying ‘that task is a waste of my time, I’m not doing it’

Agreed!

Additionally we also need more adults who can READ THE FUCKING THREAD and stop laying into the OP without being in possession of the full facts and coming across as bigoted, narrow-minded and thick as fucking mince.

👏👏👏

Well said!

Original poster
ljs22 · 02/02/2022 21:23

@Amy89

Making things inconvenient for parents makes a point though doesn’t it? Sort your kid out

No, it doesn't make a point. At all.

How exactly, other than encouraging my generally hard working DD to seek teacher support before giving up on the final question of her homework, would you suggest I "sort my kid out"?

Do you have teenagers?

OP posts:
Staryflight445 · 02/02/2022 21:23

@Amy89 🙄
What exactly do you want op to sort out? Her child is attending school and behaving.
She didn’t hand her homework in, wow…. Doesn’t she need a ‘sorting out’ 🤯

sicklycolleague · 02/02/2022 21:25

Serious question, do teachers not have non-contact time where they can go to the loo etc? I’m not suggesting this is free time but surely it is a chance to regather your thoughts away from the kids while planning lessons. Ours always said they had a minimum of X number of periods a week where they weren’t teaching

saraclara · 02/02/2022 21:26

@sicklycolleague

Serious question, do teachers not have non-contact time where they can go to the loo etc? I’m not suggesting this is free time but surely it is a chance to regather your thoughts away from the kids while planning lessons. Ours always said they had a minimum of X number of periods a week where they weren’t teaching
I had two hours non contact time, on Wed afternoons. Oddly enough I needed the loo on other days and at other times of the day.
Freehugs · 02/02/2022 21:28

What a pain after school detentions sound. Not a measure used in my children’s high school.

I’m glad you have managed to rearrange her detention. Though seems harsh if she did in fact do the work to a good standard but struggled with one question.
Perhaps an over sight although don’t rule out the chance that the home work was of poor quality and the teacher knows she’s capable of more.

I imagine they are coming down hard to reinforcing the importance of homework as they try close any gaps caused by covid.

Youdoyoutoday · 02/02/2022 21:31

Surely that's the point of a detention, an inconvenient punishment for doing something you shouldn't or in the case, haven't.

Every time she gets a detention, deduct the cost of the school bus from her pocket money. That might help. And I mean the full weeks costs, not just the days she has detentions.

mummykel16 · 02/02/2022 21:31

@ljs22

It was your choice to move miles away from her school, you weren’t thinking about her safety then!

@Soontobe60

How dare you. This is where my patience ends. Don't you dare insinuate I put my child at risk by moving areas! I arranged for her to travel by coach to and from school when we moved further away, I didn't leave her to fend for herself ffs! Get off my thread if you're going to make comments like that.

Well said.
Awalkintime · 02/02/2022 21:34

@sicklycolleague

Serious question, do teachers not have non-contact time where they can go to the loo etc? I’m not suggesting this is free time but surely it is a chance to regather your thoughts away from the kids while planning lessons. Ours always said they had a minimum of X number of periods a week where they weren’t teaching
No most don't. Only PPA which is usually a block either am or pm one day. No other free sessions.
CityCommuter · 02/02/2022 21:34

@ljs22 I'm totally on your side and I'm appalled at the vitriol you've received from some posters on here who are supposed to be considerate adults but are instead acting like complete bullies - as always empty vessels make the most noise don't they... shame on them and they obviously can't read either!

Anyway your DD shouldn't get detention because she couldn't finish her homework - a good teacher would explain how to solve a maths problem for instance and help her not punish her! I think you should ring the school and explain the situation and also say that you'd be worried about your DD's safety waiting on her own for long periods in the evenings for various buses when you already pay a lot per month as it is... all schools should have an option for lunchtime detention if they have to insist on it...

Fossie · 02/02/2022 21:36

@hangrylady

I'd be inclined to tell school she wouldn't be staying behind for detention and discipline her at home instead.
If this had had happened then the homework would have been done.
MorganKitten · 02/02/2022 21:40

[quote DrPrincessFluffyToYou]@MorganKitten what about teachers who have a free period before / after lunch? Can’t they cover the detention? All I know is that I’d rather work through lunch (?and eat it while supervising?) than stay after work![/quote]
The hour after isn’t ‘staying after work’ it’s normally in the hours… to do all the things I listed.
Free periods… extremely rare…

Original poster
ljs22 · 02/02/2022 21:43

Anyway your DD shouldn't get detention because she couldn't finish her homework - a good teacher would explain how to solve a maths problem for instance and help her not punish her!

This is exactly my view. Why didn't she offer help instead of a punishment?

OP posts:
TheViewFromTheCheapSeats · 02/02/2022 21:45

Ok, I was a teacher and my mum and husband still are. We’ve just read this aloud.

We’re in agreement that safety comes first. No child should be put in potential danger for a sanction for anything. Instead of travelling with friends on a direct coach, travelling in the dark with potentially long waits alone by the road isn’t ok. She’s legally a child, they should not be able to put her in a position that is unsafe.

They should provide alternatives for pupils in this situation, use of an isolation room, lunchtime sententious, additional task or duty… different schools have different options, but there are alternatives.

We’re more ambivalent about the reason, it’s hard to know without the backstory or seeing if there was an attempt. I’d expect some bullet points or a basic stab at an answer, even a note of what they need to learn. Not just a blank page. I probably wouldn’t query the dentention directly, but I would write a note she’s having difficulty. Ask for a suggestion for the future if it happens again, for example a partial answer or bullet points or written learning targets. Could google have helped her out? Could a book? Was it generally an obviously rushed attempt?

bigbluebus · 02/02/2022 21:50

You can tell the townies on here. Live in a world full of street lights, constant passing traffic, reliable mobile phone signal and if one bus doesn't turn up then the next one us only 10 minutes behind. We don't all live with such luxuries. Part of the problem with rural living (and I'm not talking about living in the back of beyond) is that those who hover the country and allocate funding think exactly the same!
I have had to 'rescue' my DH and DS from a mainline railway station 45 mins from home on more than one occasion because the connecting train was cancelled. If I hadn't been available they'd have been stuffed.

EarringsandLipstick · 02/02/2022 21:50

@Graphista

I don't think I've ever seen as long, or as over-involved a post as yours!

You've really formed a strong & very definite & harsh opinion on OP

bigbluebus · 02/02/2022 21:51

hover should be run.

saraclara · 02/02/2022 21:52

If this had had happened then the homework would have been done.

@Fossie when my kids were 15 I didn't demand to see their books to 'prove' they'd done their homework. I think my late DH and I were pretty firm parents (and both teachers), but by 15 it's down to kids to be responsible for getting it done, and a simple 'have you done your homework?' is enough, unless there are significant issues with the kid.

There's nothing to suggest that OP's discipline is in any way lax. She simply can't leave work to collect her DD.

Anyway, it seems as though she made her request to then school reasonably, and that they've responded in the same vein.

ElftonWednesday · 02/02/2022 22:02

My parents never got involved in or checked my homework, nor were they expected to by the achool.

echt · 02/02/2022 22:03

@ljs22

Anyway your DD shouldn't get detention because she couldn't finish her homework - a good teacher would explain how to solve a maths problem for instance and help her not punish her!

This is exactly my view. Why didn't she offer help instead of a punishment?

The detention was not for not finishing her HW, it was for not handing it in. You said this was what the school's email said:

I received an email with the title "DD's name - lack of homework". Then it went on to explain she has not handed in her homework on time today and has a detention as a result

OfstedOffred · 02/02/2022 22:04

You don't have to go and get her.

She has to do the shit combination of 2/3 buses.

Ps. Did you consider this when you chose a school 40 mins away? Was it your nearest/catchment school?

TeenTitan007 · 02/02/2022 22:04

Given the circumstance I'd make a lot of noise about her detention to her HOY. Perhaps the school take an 'easy' approach to detention and mete them out based on whoever ithey think is deserving rather than the facts at hand. If you make some noise /emails /meetings etc. they will think twice before handing out detention to her next time and might just shed some light on the policy as a whole for the school.

There is NO way I'd be compromising my DD's safety just to please the school or to teach her any lessons. My DD is 14 and takes public transport home which is frequent and safe. Yet once it's dark I do not allow her to walk home and insist on collecting her from the station even though we live in a busy area in London.

Safety first - above all - always.

echt · 02/02/2022 22:07

@TeenTitan007

Given the circumstance I'd make a lot of noise about her detention to her HOY. Perhaps the school take an 'easy' approach to detention and mete them out based on whoever ithey think is deserving rather than the facts at hand. If you make some noise /emails /meetings etc. they will think twice before handing out detention to her next time and might just shed some light on the policy as a whole for the school.

There is NO way I'd be compromising my DD's safety just to please the school or to teach her any lessons. My DD is 14 and takes public transport home which is frequent and safe. Yet once it's dark I do not allow her to walk home and insist on collecting her from the station even though we live in a busy area in London.

Safety first - above all - always.

No school worth its salt will pander to noisy parents.

The child's safety was not at risk: Taxi?

OfstedOffred · 02/02/2022 22:08

I would book a taxi and she'd be paying it back out of pocket money for as long as it took.....

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