that school should offer lunch time detentions?

[ljs22]

Regular poster, NC for this post,

Firstly, I completely agree with the concept of detentions. If my dd (15) has done something wrong, she needs to be punished. That's fine. Thankfully she doesn't get them often - just the occasional one, usually for not doing homework on time.

But (here's the AIBU). After school detentions mean that she misses the school coach, which I pay £60 a month for to bring her home. I work 4 days a week and my partner works long and unpredictable shifts, so we are invariably not available to collect her when she has an after school detention. We have no family locally who can help out.

We also live a 40 min drive away from the school and public transport is a pain as we are in the back end of nowhere and she'd need to get 2 (sometimes 3) buses, one of which runs only every hour, so if she misses that she has a really long wait. Hence why I pay for the coach in the first place as it brings her right to the street we live on.

I've been informed today by email that she's been given an hour detention tomorrow for not doing homework. I've contacted the school to request a lunch time one instead in the circumstances.

But .. AIBU to request this? I'm not sure if I am or not, but I honestly don't know what to do. I can't take time off work to collect her from school, neither can my partner, and I don't want her stranded for ages waiting for buses either when I pay a company to bring her home for precisely that reason.

And I’d also add, I’m always really creeped out by all the parents on this website who just jump at the chance to punish their children. Like any slight form of disobedience must be stamped out immediately, the parents’ words are law.

It’s not ‘any slight form of disobedience.’ She doesn’t hand in homework and when her mother questions her has said ‘I couldn’t be bothered.’ That’s such a bad attitude. Education is an incredible privilege that we have in this country and it affects the rest of your life, not only because your grades can influence where you go on to higher education, but because that’s where you build your attitude to life and work. And if your attitude is ‘I don’t like that task and therefore I don’t need to do it and will just do what I want’ then that’s pretty poor.

@Kanaloa

I mean I think the obvious solution that’s been suggested a few times but op isn’t really acknowledging is the girl uses her pocket money to pay for a taxi home every time she gets detention for not completing homework.

She regularly doesn’t hand in homework because she can’t be bothered/doesn’t like the subjects, and this isn’t a good attitude to schoolwork. It’s disrespectful. So that does deserve a detention. I understand that in this case she did some/most of the work, but unfortunately that coming from a girl who regularly doesn’t do it and openly admits she just couldn’t be bothered won’t be received very well.

Yes it’s unsafe for her to get three buses, so she should use her pocket/gift money to pay for a taxi safely home. Then she is punished without her parents being punished.

She lives a forty minute drive away! How much pocket money do you think she has?

@Kanaloa

And I’d also add, I’m always really creeped out by all the parents on this website who just jump at the chance to punish their children. Like any slight form of disobedience must be stamped out immediately, the parents’ words are law.

It’s not ‘any slight form of disobedience.’ She doesn’t hand in homework and when her mother questions her has said ‘I couldn’t be bothered.’ That’s such a bad attitude. Education is an incredible privilege that we have in this country and it affects the rest of your life, not only because your grades can influence where you go on to higher education, but because that’s where you build your attitude to life and work. And if your attitude is ‘I don’t like that task and therefore I don’t need to do it and will just do what I want’ then that’s pretty poor.

Why is it pretty poor? It’s critical thinking. We need more adults who are comfortable saying ‘that task is a waste of my time, I’m not doing it’.

She can take it out of saved up pocket money. It’s not likely to be a repeat performance.

My sons school only give lunch time detentions. An hours detention for not completing a piece of homework is ridiculous.

If every adult at work said ‘that’s boring I’m not doing it’ there would be a lot of vital tasks that don’t get done.

It is a poor attitude whatever way you spin it.

@Kanaloa

She can take it out of saved up pocket money. It’s not likely to be a repeat performance.

Why not? What if she accidentally misses a bit of her homework and gets another one? How likely is it she has hundreds of pounds saved up for taxi fares?

And as if just refusing to do your maths homework is ‘critical thinking.’ Critical thinking would be saying ‘hmm maths and English GCSEs are pretty important. Most further education courses and even apprenticeships require them. Even though I find maths boring I should apply myself and do the bare minimum eg homework set to me so that I can achieve well in that area.’

@Kanaloa

If every adult at work said ‘that’s boring I’m not doing it’ there would be a lot of vital tasks that don’t get done.

It is a poor attitude whatever way you spin it.

Why would there be? Most adults can tell the difference between vital tasks and pointless ones.

Parents are the worst sometimes! My mate got stuck at work til 7 bloody o'clock the other day debating with the parent of kid ( a lazy, rude kids) about whether her DD needed to do homework and wear the uniform because the parent disagreed with both. The parent had been asked to come in as the kid is a disruptive PITA.
Choose another school then! Find one that doesn't have or enforce a uniform and doesn't set homework or revision! Arguing with a form tutor about WHY most UK schools have uniforms is really besides the point, and in all probability NOT the reason the child spat in the direction of the teacher and started a fight with another girl at lunchtime.

It’s not ‘any slight form of disobedience.’ She doesn’t hand in homework

Occasionally. It's not a regular occurrence, which I made clear in my OP.

@Kanaloa

And as if just refusing to do your maths homework is ‘critical thinking.’ Critical thinking would be saying ‘hmm maths and English GCSEs are pretty important. Most further education courses and even apprenticeships require them. Even though I find maths boring I should apply myself and do the bare minimum eg homework set to me so that I can achieve well in that area.’

That’s your old trouble again: literacy and numeracy is essential. Homework is boring and pointless, and good luck finding a teacher to tell you otherwise.

What do people think I've done as a (mostly single) mum for the past 15 years? Leave her in a field?

Erm….it’s not parenting if she is getting away with no punishment for not doing whatever it is that meds to be done.

I have single parented for 12 years. I have far from perfect children. They wouldn’t dare e agave in behaviour that inconvenienced me because they fully understand the value of my time and why I need to work. More importantly, they know if they get a detention there will be consequences far bigger than the detention itself. This is not rocket science,

Okay, clearly you’re determined to make it so that this girl has not done any wrong here whatsoever and in fact has done the right thing.

In my opinion she’s in the wrong. I’m not a tyrant parent desperate to punish my kids for breathing but I don’t think it does them any favours to make out they’re in the right always either. If my kids missed homework repeatedly and told me they didn’t do it and couldn’t be bothered I’d be telling them it was poor behaviour and they deserved to be in detention. If I absolutely had to pick them up I would be removing pocket money to pay for petrol or they would be paying for a taxi.

@Sowhatifiam

What do people think I've done as a (mostly single) mum for the past 15 years? Leave her in a field?

Erm….it’s not parenting if she is getting away with no punishment for not doing whatever it is that meds to be done.

I have single parented for 12 years. I have far from perfect children. They wouldn’t dare e agave in behaviour that inconvenienced me because they fully understand the value of my time and why I need to work. More importantly, they know if they get a detention there will be consequences far bigger than the detention itself. This is not rocket science,

So, fear? Make them scared to fail?

@Kanaloa

She can take it out of saved up pocket money. It’s not likely to be a repeat performance.

She doesn't have any saved pocket money.

@Hyly68

My sons school only give lunch time detentions. An hours detention for not completing a piece of homework is ridiculous.

I would imagine it's for maximum inconvenience so they don't do it again.

I only ever gave detentions of an hour, on Fridays after school, and only for behaviour issues. No-one ever came back for more.

We need more adults who are comfortable saying ‘that task is a waste of my time, I’m not doing it’

Agreed!

Additionally we also need more adults who can READ THE FUCKING THREAD and stop laying into the OP without being in possession of the full facts and coming across as bigoted, narrow-minded and thick as fucking mince.

'If every adult at work said ‘that’s boring I’m not doing it’ there would be a lot of vital tasks that don’t get done.

It is a poor attitude whatever way you spin it.

Why would there be? Most adults can tell the difference between vital tasks and pointless ones.'

Christ Almighty, wouldn't I just love to refuse to do the admin and boring bits of my job! Anyway - the poster said 'boring' not 'pointless' and unfortunately they aren't always the same thing. I've spend half a day looking at budget numbers - feel like spooning my eyes out now but boring as it is it's also essential so we can find out what we have to spend for the rest of the year.

@Kanaloa

Okay, clearly you’re determined to make it so that this girl has not done any wrong here whatsoever and in fact has done the right thing.

In my opinion she’s in the wrong. I’m not a tyrant parent desperate to punish my kids for breathing but I don’t think it does them any favours to make out they’re in the right always either. If my kids missed homework repeatedly and told me they didn’t do it and couldn’t be bothered I’d be telling them it was poor behaviour and they deserved to be in detention. If I absolutely had to pick them up I would be removing pocket money to pay for petrol or they would be paying for a taxi.

She hasn’t done anything to deserve losing her pocket money in £100 taxi bills because of detentions and where she lives in relation to her school, no.

Totally unreasonable to ask. Try teaching your daughter to do as she should, then she won’t get detentions. Why should a member of staff lose their lunch break to supervise your child, just because that’s more convenient for you. Talk about entitled!

@Sowhatifiam

What do people think I've done as a (mostly single) mum for the past 15 years? Leave her in a field?

Erm….it’s not parenting if she is getting away with no punishment for not doing whatever it is that meds to be done.

I have single parented for 12 years. I have far from perfect children. They wouldn’t dare e agave in behaviour that inconvenienced me because they fully understand the value of my time and why I need to work. More importantly, they know if they get a detention there will be consequences far bigger than the detention itself. This is not rocket science,

She isn't getting away with wrongdoings. She has quite rightly had detentions in the past for not doing homework. I supported those, and I would support them in the future if she did that again. In this particular situation, however, I don't agree with the sanction.

@Furbulousnous

'If every adult at work said ‘that’s boring I’m not doing it’ there would be a lot of vital tasks that don’t get done.

It is a poor attitude whatever way you spin it.

Why would there be? Most adults can tell the difference between vital tasks and pointless ones.'

Christ Almighty, wouldn't I just love to refuse to do the admin and boring bits of my job! Anyway - the poster said 'boring' not 'pointless' and unfortunately they aren't always the same thing. I've spend half a day looking at budget numbers - feel like spooning my eyes out now but boring as it is it's also essential so we can find out what we have to spend for the rest of the year.

So are budget numbers vital or pointless in your job?

[quote ljs22]@Graphista

It's not about who is more likely to be "telling the truth" - I have physically seen the work in question myself. It's mostly completed to a good standard bar one question. If the teacher has seen the same thing I have, then I disagree entirely with her approach. [/quote]
Hi OP.

No YANBU to not want your daughter to have to get the buses home late, I would be concerned. The school have very kindly offered to move the detention. You've made arrangements. All good

However, YABU to dismiss that your child didn't finish the question. maybe the missed question was an important one and your teacher is concerned she didn't do it.
Or maybe she was being lazy - she didn't know the answer so just couldn't be bothered to try. No googling, no asking the teacher for help.
Also many a times as a teacher I have collected in books, and as I wander round the room a student manically fills in the answers quickly because they forgot to do it at home. Or the answers are just poor and it's evident the students just couldn't be arsed to try. To use your own analogy. How would one of your patients feel if you only helped those who had easy problems to fixed and you couldn't be arsed with a more complex case so just gave up. Didn't even try to Google it or look it up somewhere.

Either way you should be thanking the teacher for picking up on your daughter's lack of effort. I would ask which version of events it is from the teachers perspective.

‘ Kanaloa

If every adult at work said ‘that’s boring I’m not doing it’ there would be a lot of vital tasks that don’t get done.

It is a poor attitude whatever way you spin it.’
^

A teacher on this very thread just spat their dummy out at the sheer thought of having to sit eating their lunch in a classroom with a child whilst on detention duty. Do you think many adults are going to be very willing to do their job unpaid after hours?
Do you work for free?