that school should offer lunch time detentions?

[ljs22]

Regular poster, NC for this post,

Firstly, I completely agree with the concept of detentions. If my dd (15) has done something wrong, she needs to be punished. That's fine. Thankfully she doesn't get them often - just the occasional one, usually for not doing homework on time.

But (here's the AIBU). After school detentions mean that she misses the school coach, which I pay £60 a month for to bring her home. I work 4 days a week and my partner works long and unpredictable shifts, so we are invariably not available to collect her when she has an after school detention. We have no family locally who can help out.

We also live a 40 min drive away from the school and public transport is a pain as we are in the back end of nowhere and she'd need to get 2 (sometimes 3) buses, one of which runs only every hour, so if she misses that she has a really long wait. Hence why I pay for the coach in the first place as it brings her right to the street we live on.

I've been informed today by email that she's been given an hour detention tomorrow for not doing homework. I've contacted the school to request a lunch time one instead in the circumstances.

But .. AIBU to request this? I'm not sure if I am or not, but I honestly don't know what to do. I can't take time off work to collect her from school, neither can my partner, and I don't want her stranded for ages waiting for buses either when I pay a company to bring her home for precisely that reason.

Used to have the same situation here - £70 a month for the school coach as we moved 200 yards out of a broad catchment whilst DS was at secondary school so didn't qualify for free transport from our home in the middle of nowhere. No other public transport and we worked in opposite direction of his school.

He got a couple of detentions which I took annual leave to cover so I could collect him and paid for afterschool care for the others who also ended up missing their swimming and gymnastics as a result as I can't be in two places at once. DS got to sit in a nice warm classroom, I lost annual leave, about £8 in childcare and a further £10 worth of club fees and the siblings missed out on sports assessments and stuff they enjoyed.

I always felt really pissed off about it too, especially when DS showed little remorse. Pleased to say he's now a self sufficient adult these days.

[quote Staryflight445]@Indigofig

My comment was completely lost on you.
Nurses etc, struggle to fulfull their own basic human needs during their shifts, op has said she is a medic and can’t just get time away from that to pick up her daughter after her completely pointless detention.

You teachers need to change your attitudes to discipline. Massively.[/quote]
Teachers don't make the rules about discipline. They follow the school's policies, which are agreed by the governing body. Which has parents on it.

She is 15 not 11. She is well capable of getting the bus. Don’t pick her up. She can get 3 buses home.

*Nurses etc, struggle to fulfull their own basic human needs during their shifts, op has said she is a medic and can’t just get time away from that to pick up her daughter after her completely pointless detention.

Yes. I don't exactly have bags of time myself when I'm at work to meet my own needs! I certainly can't just drop a patient mid consultation to collect my child as was suggested earlier.

Well done for getting it sorted out OP. You are not being unreasonable at all.

When my son was this age we lived a long way from the school in a totally rural area. He got a taxi to and from school because the dangerous roads where we lived (no pavement, no street lights and narrow winding bends). I had to insist this was assessed as the default is to get them to walk into the nearest village to catch a bus.

Thankfully my son didn't get detention but I didn't think they could put a child at risk when living in a rural area by making them miss the school transport.
The implications of a child trying to get home in a very rural area and being hit on an unlit road is very real.

A year before my eldest started secondary a child in north of the county was clipped in the head by a HGV and sustained life changing injuries whist walking home from school on an unlit road with no pavements.

I would be going into orbit over this. No detention should put a child's life at risk. They need to find an alternative punishment that doesn't involve dangerous travel.

I don't see how lunch time ones are worse for teachers, either. I'd have thought after school ones were, to be honest.

Because they need to take a lunch break… you’ve stated they need to understand your job, maybe think they need a break, they need to step away for a few moments.
After school detentions are easier, do you think teachers leave when the kids do? Most are there a good hour after school, marking, lesson planning, etc. so after school works better.

Yup, I am sure Mumsnet will be along shortly to delete my vitriolic projections. I think you probably ought to stay under the bed, wrapped in your duvet, with your fingers in your ears.

@EarringsandLipstick based on ops own comments particularly her earlier posts I think it's highly likely there were warnings and repeated lesser sanctions that have gone minimised or ignored.

OP can't and won't parent. Keeps saying to every parent who suggests discipline, well tell me how and then ignoring their advice.

Totally agree with this.

One comment where op said they'd MAYBE take some of the child's allowance off them that's it!

The "story" has changed because after I started the thread, my DD came home with a version of events that contradicts the email I received from the teacher. It really is that straightforward.

And - given dds previous on this - who's more likely to be telling the truth?

@BellatricksStrange homework at this age/stage is mainly to complete required coursework for GCSEs which the pupils are meant to do alone and for the teachers to be able to know if they understand and can apply what they have learnt in class.

@MorganKitten what about teachers who have a free period before / after lunch? Can’t they cover the detention? All I know is that I’d rather work through lunch (?and eat it while supervising?) than stay after work!

@PelvicFloorTrauma

Yup, I am sure Mumsnet will be along shortly to delete my vitriolic projections. I think you probably ought to stay under the bed, wrapped in your duvet, with your fingers in your ears.

Three of your comments removed, and you're still going. You're persistent, I'll give you that.

OP can't and won't parent.

😂 gets better

Please don't undermine one of the few forms of consequences schools can apply by saying you need an exception, every other fucker needs an 'exception' according to our parents.
Hopefully the PITA journey home will sharpen her up a bit on not getting detentions.
Lunch-time ones can be very effective, but not all schools have the staff to run them.

But it's not " staying after work" as teachers don't generally rush off the premises at 3.15. They will still be there for the hour that a detention takes.

@Graphista

There have been no warnings minimised or ignored by me. I check my emails every day. I'd know.

They're doing you a favour - trying to manage her behaviour and get her to take her work and time management seriously. She may be one of those rare kids who can breeze through successfully half arsing their work, but what work ethic does that leave her with for later life?

Just parent your child, OP. Stand over her whilst she does her homework. Check it off against the school system. If she doesn’t do it, it is her that needs to be inconvenienced by taking 3 buses, not you. She will soon stop when she’s sat in the cold waiting.

@Graphista

It's not about who is more likely to be "telling the truth" - I have physically seen the work in question myself. It's mostly completed to a good standard bar one question. If the teacher has seen the same thing I have, then I disagree entirely with her approach.

Seriously? If homework is such a pia for staff to mark why give it out? If lessons are a pain to plan why bother?

And we wonder why so few stay in teaching

Exactly, why bother giving out homework? I’ve never, ever met a teacher (I am one!) or a pupil who either enjoyed homework or saw the value in it. Why not change it?

[quote Staryflight445]@Indigofig

My comment was completely lost on you.
Nurses etc, struggle to fulfull their own basic human needs during their shifts, op has said she is a medic and can’t just get time away from that to pick up her daughter after her completely pointless detention.

You teachers need to change your attitudes to discipline. Massively.[/quote]
I agree with this.

And I’d also add, I’m always really creeped out by all the parents on this website who just jump at the chance to punish their children. Like any slight form of disobedience must be stamped out immediately, the parents’ words are law.

I think the problem with nodding along with your child, is you are supporting the notion that her homework doesn't really matter and the rules don't apply to her.
She has got to y10/y11 in the school - I am sure she is fully aware that she should answer all the questions to the best of her ability.
If it was maths there will be videos to watch on the homework platform, if it was most other subjects she could have researched the question using the Internet, and made a stab at it.

I mean I think the obvious solution that’s been suggested a few times but op isn’t really acknowledging is the girl uses her pocket money to pay for a taxi home every time she gets detention for not completing homework.

She regularly doesn’t hand in homework because she can’t be bothered/doesn’t like the subjects, and this isn’t a good attitude to schoolwork. It’s disrespectful. So that does deserve a detention. I understand that in this case she did some/most of the work, but unfortunately that coming from a girl who regularly doesn’t do it and openly admits she just couldn’t be bothered won’t be received very well.

Yes it’s unsafe for her to get three buses, so she should use her pocket/gift money to pay for a taxi safely home. Then she is punished without her parents being punished.

'She's come home and I've challenged her about not completing homework, and she showed me her book - she has actually completed the majority of the questions asked of her, and attempted one but not fully completed it because she didn't understand it. I'm now questioning whether a detention is even proportionate.'

I'd be questioning when she actually did the work - sounds like AFTER getting a detention to me. It wasn't me, I wasn't there, I didn't do/say that, etc etc is all std teenage BS when they're in trouble.

[quote ljs22]@Graphista

It's not about who is more likely to be "telling the truth" - I have physically seen the work in question myself. It's mostly completed to a good standard bar one question. If the teacher has seen the same thing I have, then I disagree entirely with her approach. [/quote]
The detention was for not handing in the homework onetime.. Whether it had been done or not is beside the point. Students always say, but I've done the work, but if it isn't there, then there's no evidence.

It is not disproportionate.

On time!! Jesus.

Just parent your child, OP.

I love how people keep saying this. What do people think I've done as a (mostly single) mum for the past 15 years? Leave her in a field? Of course I'm parenting her. I just have a different approach to parenting than you. I won't "stand over" my 15 year old while she does her homework. And I won't leave her in what I deem to be a potentially dangerous situation, either. Those are both valid methods of parenting.