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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

that school should offer lunch time detentions?

1000 replies

ljs22 · 02/02/2022 14:40

Regular poster, NC for this post,

Firstly, I completely agree with the concept of detentions. If my dd (15) has done something wrong, she needs to be punished. That's fine. Thankfully she doesn't get them often - just the occasional one, usually for not doing homework on time.

But (here's the AIBU). After school detentions mean that she misses the school coach, which I pay £60 a month for to bring her home. I work 4 days a week and my partner works long and unpredictable shifts, so we are invariably not available to collect her when she has an after school detention. We have no family locally who can help out.

We also live a 40 min drive away from the school and public transport is a pain as we are in the back end of nowhere and she'd need to get 2 (sometimes 3) buses, one of which runs only every hour, so if she misses that she has a really long wait. Hence why I pay for the coach in the first place as it brings her right to the street we live on.

I've been informed today by email that she's been given an hour detention tomorrow for not doing homework. I've contacted the school to request a lunch time one instead in the circumstances.

But .. AIBU to request this? I'm not sure if I am or not, but I honestly don't know what to do. I can't take time off work to collect her from school, neither can my partner, and I don't want her stranded for ages waiting for buses either when I pay a company to bring her home for precisely that reason.

OP posts:
Original poster
ljs22 · 02/02/2022 19:55

@RegardingMary

The double standards of some posters

Not triple checking your daughter hasn't done her homework, you're not giving enough supervision, check her work, watch her closely.

Making your 15 year old take a potentially dangerous journey in the dark on her own, absolutely fine she'll be at college next year.

Hmm

YES to this. I can't keep up!

OP posts:
HelloDulling · 02/02/2022 19:56

I too have a 15 year old DD. There is no way that she would be getting three buses home to a rural area after dark.

Lunchtime duties are part of a teacher’s job at my school, whether they like it or not. Checking classrooms/loos, walking around the grounds, supervising the lunch queue, and, yes, supervising detention. Not every day, not even every week, but all our teachers, all our SLT, and some support staff too.

Indigofig · 02/02/2022 19:58

@Staryflight445

Oh, poor adult missing their lunch due to their completely pointless consequences that inflict absolutely no positivity for kids at school at all. I feel so sorry for them 🙄. Meanwhile said 15 year olds safety is compromised and their safety put at risk.

Ridiculous

@staryflight445 can you not go for a piss all day? Can you hold it in for 10-12hrs because that is the ONLY time I manage to go for a wee all day. Let alone having a drink. You know basic fucking needs. But fuck us teachers. I bet the child is spinning an absolute line to OP. Funny how the story has changed to paint the teacher in to a bully and the child is an absolute angel. OP can't and won't parent. Keeps saying to every parent who suggests discipline, well tell me how and then ignoring their advice. What an absolute joke. Anyway, I have to go and mark now because the job of teaching never fucking stops and now you want us to not have a lunch. A joke, just a joke. Bring back homeschooling and you all crying in to your wine glasses at 10am because the kids are at home
SunshineArtist · 02/02/2022 20:00

[quote ljs22]@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross

Here you go, since you clearly haven't read the first few lines of my OP:

Firstly, I completely agree with the concept of detentions. If my dd (15) has done something wrong, she needs to be punished. That's fine.

But sure, make up your own narrative on my thread. That's helpful. [/quote]
But she did do something wrong, she didn’t complete the homework. 🤦🏻‍♀️ She could have gone to see the teacher to get help but didn’t. The task was to complete all the questions, not all but one of them. Some teachers may have been more lenient, but they don’t have to be. She didn’t do as requested so she’s punished. It’s easily avoidable in future. You should let it go but are choosing to be that parent. Poor school.

echt · 02/02/2022 20:00

Lunchtime duties are part of a teacher’s job at my school, whether they like it or not

Is it private school/MAT?

If it's a state school then it is not part of their job because they are not paid during the lunch hour. More fool them for doing it. SLT and support staff have different contracts.

bellocchild · 02/02/2022 20:00

I used to be a secondary-school teacher. Girls were not expected to do after-school detentions if it put them at risk coming home. Either a lunch-time detention, or arrange after-school on a night she can be collected.

NotQuiteHere · 02/02/2022 20:02

If you completely agree with the concept of an arbitrary punishment (detention) that has nothing to do with the offence (homework not completed), then you should accept the punishment at an arbitrary time.

PelvicFloorTrauma · 02/02/2022 20:03

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Original poster
ljs22 · 02/02/2022 20:03

@HelloDulling

I too have a 15 year old DD. There is no way that she would be getting three buses home to a rural area after dark.

Lunchtime duties are part of a teacher’s job at my school, whether they like it or not. Checking classrooms/loos, walking around the grounds, supervising the lunch queue, and, yes, supervising detention. Not every day, not even every week, but all our teachers, all our SLT, and some support staff too.

I assumed it was part of the job, too. Thanks for confirming that.

OP posts:
AssemblySquare · 02/02/2022 20:04

Where I teach a one hour after school detention is a huge deal which suggests persistent and ongoing issues!! Perhaps focus on that rather than slating school for doing their job Hmm

Awalkintime · 02/02/2022 20:05

@HelloDulling

I too have a 15 year old DD. There is no way that she would be getting three buses home to a rural area after dark.

Lunchtime duties are part of a teacher’s job at my school, whether they like it or not. Checking classrooms/loos, walking around the grounds, supervising the lunch queue, and, yes, supervising detention. Not every day, not even every week, but all our teachers, all our SLT, and some support staff too.

There is a legal requirement to allow breaks during the working day.
Original poster
ljs22 · 02/02/2022 20:06

@Indigofig

I think you need some supervision or support. You have projected a LOT of stuff onto the thread, none of which is true, nor relevant to my situation.

OP posts:
PelvicFloorTrauma · 02/02/2022 20:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Holly60 · 02/02/2022 20:06

‘Dear Mrs Smith, unfortunately my daughter’s lack of homework has meant she now has a detention. If she does this after school it is an inconvenience to me, so I am writing to ask you to give up your lunch break to sit with her. Thank you for this, and have a great day’.

echt · 02/02/2022 20:06

I assumed it was part of the job, too. Thanks for confirming that

Only if it's private or MAT.

Awalkintime · 02/02/2022 20:07

ljs22
It isn't part of the job at all. Sadly some schools exploit staff.

ThanksItHasPockets · 02/02/2022 20:07

My point was that I t’s not your decision whether this detention was ‘warranted’. I strongly suspect that when you seek clarification from the teacher you will learn that this wasn’t a first offence. I will be happily corrected if I’m wrong about that.

Again, as a pp pointed out the school are under no obligation to give you notice of the detention or the reason why. They have been very reasonable in rearranging it.

Original poster
ljs22 · 02/02/2022 20:08

Funny how the story has changed to paint the teacher in to a bully and the child is an absolute angel.

I don't think I used the words bully or angel. Not once. Feel free to check.

The "story" has changed because after I started the thread, my DD came home with a version of events that contradicts the email I received from the teacher. It really is that straightforward.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 02/02/2022 20:10

@Wheelz46
And that we agree on, I was just thinking the same, we're going to go round and round!

Yes, some are catching buses with others, straight after school.

But, many do after school sports. At my dds secondary, it's offered every day, and many partake from as young as 11. The ops dd is then in exactly the same predicament as all these many other children ie getting home from school an hour after it's finished.

People are dramatically throwing about assault and safety and danger, when what we're actually talking about is a teenager getting on a bus at 4pm.

Original poster
ljs22 · 02/02/2022 20:10

@PelvicFloorTrauma

Your repeated personal attacks have been noted and will be henceforth ignored.

OP posts:
mummykel16 · 02/02/2022 20:10

@Bigassbeebuzzbuzz

Surely the school must realise that by refusing her to do lunchtime detentions they are leaving her vulnerable with no transport. I dont understand why the school think that by making it inconvenient for parents they think they are then going to have them supporting them is odd. Surely your supposed to work together to get the best for your child?
Schools working with parents is about as common as rocking horse poo.
PelvicFloorTrauma · 02/02/2022 20:10

Indigofig - I totally agree. This is the reality of teaching:

"You know basic fucking needs. But fuck us teachers. I bet the child is spinning an absolute line to OP. Funny how the story has changed to paint the teacher in to a bully and the child is an absolute angel. OP can't and won't parent. Keeps saying to every parent who suggests discipline, well tell me how and then ignoring their advice. What an absolute joke. Anyway, I have to go and mark now because the job of teaching never fucking stops and now you want us to not have a lunch. A joke, just a joke."

Original poster
ljs22 · 02/02/2022 20:11

@AssemblySquare

Where I teach a one hour after school detention is a huge deal which suggests persistent and ongoing issues!! Perhaps focus on that rather than slating school for doing their job Hmm

Again, if there were persistent ongoing issues, I should have perhaps been notified by now.

OP posts:
Original poster
ljs22 · 02/02/2022 20:12

People are dramatically throwing about assault and safety and danger, when what we're actually talking about is a teenager getting on a bus at 4pm.

Have you read the thread, at all?

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 02/02/2022 20:12

If detentions are such a pain in the arse for staff, why keep giving them out?

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