that school should offer lunch time detentions?

[ljs22]

Regular poster, NC for this post,

Firstly, I completely agree with the concept of detentions. If my dd (15) has done something wrong, she needs to be punished. That's fine. Thankfully she doesn't get them often - just the occasional one, usually for not doing homework on time.

But (here's the AIBU). After school detentions mean that she misses the school coach, which I pay £60 a month for to bring her home. I work 4 days a week and my partner works long and unpredictable shifts, so we are invariably not available to collect her when she has an after school detention. We have no family locally who can help out.

We also live a 40 min drive away from the school and public transport is a pain as we are in the back end of nowhere and she'd need to get 2 (sometimes 3) buses, one of which runs only every hour, so if she misses that she has a really long wait. Hence why I pay for the coach in the first place as it brings her right to the street we live on.

I've been informed today by email that she's been given an hour detention tomorrow for not doing homework. I've contacted the school to request a lunch time one instead in the circumstances.

But .. AIBU to request this? I'm not sure if I am or not, but I honestly don't know what to do. I can't take time off work to collect her from school, neither can my partner, and I don't want her stranded for ages waiting for buses either when I pay a company to bring her home for precisely that reason.

@arethereanyleftatall we are talking about a 15 year old girl who potentially had to make her own way home from school close to darkness, putting OP daughter in a vulnerable position.

Thankfully the school have realised this a safeguarding issue and OP has managed to agree with school an alternative detention date whereby daughter is not put in such a vulnerable position!

Indeed, I have also spoken to her and told her to do this.

Then you need to tell her to do the detention this time. If she takes on board your advice and contacts the teacher before homework is due in in future, it will not happen again. Leave it now and let the teachers get on with their jobs.

@WitchWithoutChips

Apologies if this has already been posted but the school didn’t have to give you any notice at all, and it was a courtesy that you they not only notified you but also gave you 24 hours notice.

Oh my God! That's insane.

This would not be acceptable in Ireland, where I am.

The more I hear of English schools, the more thankful I am not to be part of such a system.

The school is not required to give a reason? 😳

Ah can see it was resolved OP

I'm with you, my DDs can't get home safely if they have after school activities and I can't collect them. So I have a flat no consent to staying after school for that reason. That would include After school detentions. Luckily our school isn't unreasonable.
You've found a way forward.

Does sound like detention was potentially a hit draconian punishing DD for not understanding but maybe email that teacher to ask-

Dear teacher,

I understand you gave Dd a detention for not fully completing her homework on wed 2/2/22. She showed me what she tells me she handed in to you today.

Please can you help me understand - what I saw was that she did most of homework set but couldn't complete the last (x number of) questions as she didn't understand and was hoping you'd help explain it to her once you saw where she got stuck.

Have I misunderstood?
Can you please advise
Thankyou
OP"
Then teacher can tell you if DD is spinning you a yarn or if this teacher has BU.

@Lesperance

But you aren't doing your part if you aren't checking the homework are you? You are trying to negotiate a win win situation, but you want both wins. You want her to have detention when it suits you. The school DOESN'T want to give her detention, they want her to do her work. Meanwhile, your daughter gets nothing out of the whole thing, and certainly no help with her homework apparently. Just help her.

I've never once said I'm not prepared to help her. She doesn't ask me for help. If she did, of course I'd help the best I could. I don't "check" her homework because I trust her and give her the benefit of the doubt when she says it's done.

Meanwhile, the person best placed to help her, is the person who has decided to punish her for struggling with her work.

@SunshineArtist

Indeed, I have also spoken to her and told her to do this.

Then you need to tell her to do the detention this time. If she takes on board your advice and contacts the teacher before homework is due in in future, it will not happen again. Leave it now and let the teachers get on with their jobs.

But the detention is unfair, based on what OP has shared?

Her DD did do the homework, bar one question. How does that warrant a detention?

The only detentions that work are after school ones when the child hopefully realises that their actions inconvenience their parents/carers.

Lunch time detention is not a punishment as being inside especially in the Winter is quite good and staff have to forfeit their lunch time.

Hopefully your child won’t inconvenience you too often.

Yes @Wheelz46 ...15!!! 15 YEARS old. Months away from legally being allowed to marry/have child/live alone. Being asked to get on a bus at 4pm. Like millions of other school children do when they're 11.

@Ikeptgoing

Ah can see it was resolved OP

I'm with you, my DDs can't get home safely if they have after school activities and I can't collect them. So I have a flat no consent to staying after school for that reason. That would include After school detentions. Luckily our school isn't unreasonable.
You've found a way forward.

Does sound like detention was potentially a hit draconian punishing DD for not understanding but maybe email that teacher to ask-

Dear teacher,

I understand you gave Dd a detention for not fully completing her homework on wed 2/2/22. She showed me what she tells me she handed in to you today.

Please can you help me understand - what I saw was that she did most of homework set but couldn't complete the last (x number of) questions as she didn't understand and was hoping you'd help explain it to her once you saw where she got stuck.

Have I misunderstood?
Can you please advise
Thankyou
OP"
Then teacher can tell you if DD is spinning you a yarn or if this teacher has BU.

I like how this is worded. I'll go for something like this. Thank you!

If she was mine she would be getting the busses home and paying for them from her pocket money. It might give her more incentive not to get detention. If you swoop in and pick her up or get it changed to lunchtime where is the deterrent.

@Threeboysandadog

If she was mine she would be getting the busses home and paying for them from her pocket money. It might give her more incentive not to get detention. If you swoop in and pick her up or get it changed to lunchtime where is the deterrent.

Did you ignore the a) safety aspect and b) the possible unwarranted detention in the first place?

The double standards of some posters

Not triple checking your daughter hasn't done her homework, you're not giving enough supervision, check her work, watch her closely.

Making your 15 year old take a potentially dangerous journey in the dark on her own, absolutely fine she'll be at college next year.

I don't "check" her homework because I trust her and give her the benefit of the doubt when she says it's done.

If she told you that this homework was done, then she lied. It wasn’t complete. If she’d have said she was having trouble with a question, then you may have been able to help or advise her to see her teacher or contact the teacher on her behalf if necessary. I’d be extremely surprised if teachers don’t regularly tell children to see them if they’re having issues with homework. They did 25 years ago when I was that age and they do it at every school I’ve known, every teacher I know does. She chose to not complete the homework.

[quote EarringsandLipstick]@TonTonMacoute

Did you even read the thread? Or at least the OP's posts where she explains why this is a problem? [/quote]
Read 17 pages worth of OP making excuses when she has clearly outlined the problem on page 1?

Nah, why would I bother. I'm not the only one by the look of it either!

Tbf, reading this thread, I can see why your dd might think it was acceptable to pick and choose which homework she does with scant regard for the consequences - I think she can be fairly sure that you will be there to blame the school and bail her out

But the detention is unfair, based on what OP has shared?

Her DD did do the homework, bar one question. How does that warrant a detention?

It’s not unfair. Most schools give detention for homework not being completed. It wasn’t complete. Again, she should have gone to see the teacher and got help before the due date.

Read 17 pages worth of OP making excuses when she has clearly outlined the problem on page 1?

Well, you clearly didn't read it properly. She has articulated the safety concerns, and updated on the possible unfairness of the detention been given at all.

You've ignored these points in favour of giving OP a kicking.

@ThanksItHasPockets

Yep, thanks for reinforcing my point, OP.

Which was what, precisely?

@WitchWithoutChips

Apologies if this has already been posted but the school didn’t have to give you any notice at all, and it was a courtesy that you they not only notified you but also gave you 24 hours notice.

Indeed. Very few parents are aware of this.

@SunshineArtist

But the detention is unfair, based on what OP has shared?

Her DD did do the homework, bar one question. How does that warrant a detention?

It’s not unfair. Most schools give detention for homework not being completed. It wasn’t complete. Again, she should have gone to see the teacher and got help before the due date.

Again, so glad my DC are not part of such a system.

Here there would definitely be consequences but no way would a detention be given if not all homework was completed.

If it was repeated, it would be noted in their journal (parents sign each week) & online in their behaviour section where points are given / taken away.

At a certain point, when repeated, this translates into sanctions, including detention.

It would never happen on a first instance for non-completion of one part of one assignment.

@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross

Tbf, reading this thread, I can see why your dd might think it was acceptable to pick and choose which homework she does with scant regard for the consequences - I think she can be fairly sure that you will be there to blame the school and bail her out

Yeah, sure, ok.

A couple weeks ago she had a piece of jewellery taken off her that she shouldn't have been wearing at school. She came home saying "how unfair" it was. My response to her? Tough. Don't wear things you're not supposed to at school. She's had some detentions in the past for not doing homework. My response? Tough - do your homework.

You're wrong. I don't bail her out and blame the school. On this particular occasion, I disagree with the sanction.

Are the people who would be letting OPs DD go home after dark actually reading the thread?

This isn't a nice short wait in a busy town centre with lots of CCTV around. This is waiting for up to an hour on the side of a country road where if someone did anything to OP's DD, you would never be able to find the culprit.

Would you be willing to risk your child's life just for a detention?

@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross

Here you go, since you clearly haven't read the first few lines of my OP:

Firstly, I completely agree with the concept of detentions. If my dd (15) has done something wrong, she needs to be punished. That's fine.

But sure, make up your own narrative on my thread. That's helpful.

@arethereanyleftatall yes you are quite correct that a 16 year old can go ahead and get married BUT only with parent's permission!

A parent also has parental responsibility until their child turns 18!

Yes plenty of children do catch the bus home from school, together, in the daylight, usually only 1 bus! OP point was that her daughter would have to potentially catch 3 buses for a 40 minute journey home, due to the unreliability of said buses her daughter could end up having to wait around, alone, in the dark!

We are never going to agree on this one, I am just glad OP has managed to resolve this!

My eldest goes off to high school next year and I am concerned about this. There is no public transport between us and the school not even in a convoluted route. ( 9 miles so too far too walk) I'm quietly hoping they do lunchtime detentions as some pupils bus journey is 90minutes plus and I suspect they wouldn't want them to miss school transport.