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Original poster

50th birthday - reasonable expectations?

155 replies

MyNameIsAngelicaSchuyler · 02/02/2022 13:16

is it reasonable to expect friends / family to spend £280 on a weekend away for a 50th birthday? no children invited, so an expectation to find childcare on top (if you have them).

would you go or not?

OP posts:
I8toys · 02/02/2022 17:36

No its my 50th in March and I don't want any fuss at all. For everyone to have to spend that much to celebrate my birthday is distasteful to me.

I baulk at spending ridiculous amounts for hen and stag do's. This type of spending is getting out of hand. Its my party get your creditcard out!

reluctantbrit · 02/02/2022 17:49

I am turning 50 this year and 4 of us plan to go away overnight to celebrate.

I am planning to pay for a lot as I think it's my birthday, I would spend a large amount on a party if I would want one and it's not fair to expect people to pay to come with me.

I wouldn't want people to spend money if it's my birthday.

Wiseupkid · 02/02/2022 18:01

To pp saying why wouldn't you agree to it if you can afford it, well it is not about the money is it, it is the principle and the competitive bigger and better element. Of course I could go, but what about my friend whom is keeping her dh's redundancy quiet because he is in a bad place or others in the group that wouldn't dream of spending that much on their own birthdays. I just feel unless the friends are choosing together a fun place and everyone is involved in the decision making and actively wanting to go, and it is a joint enterprise otherwise it is a huge imposition/ endurance/sacrifice for others and would not dream of putting my very old friends in that position in the first place.

What is wrong with a super birthday dinner and a few glasses of champagne? Everything is becoming a mini or not so mini honeymoon!

TidyDancer · 02/02/2022 18:01

If I was spending that much on a weekend away, I would want some control over what was going on. I doubt you could plan a weekend for a group like that where everyone would be fully pleased with the plans. I wouldn't be offended by the invitation but I would certainly be pissed off if I felt pressured to go.

Wiseupkid · 02/02/2022 18:02

Hen party etc etc.

Wiseupkid · 02/02/2022 18:05

This kind of culture leads to people in masses of debt, the country is creaking under the pressure of personal debt with people chasing after SM lifestyles and losing all touch with reality. I genuinely don't think it should be encouraged. It is not cool to get your friends in tons of debt or to put such pressure on them to return the 'favour'.

GrandDuchessRomanov · 02/02/2022 18:12

No I wouldn't go and I wouldn't expect my friends to have to pay to celebrate MY birthday.

If I wanted to do something I would cover the costs or not ask at all.

People really don't care that much about someone else's birthday unless a close family member (and sometimes not even then!) if they are totally honest.

TicTacHoh · 02/02/2022 18:17

No, and there should never be any expectation of anyone to spend money to celebrate a birthday. Seems like every decade has to be a big deal nowadays

Cherrysoup · 02/02/2022 18:18

My DH’s family tried to get us to do that for his birthday, similar money, despite him not wanting to do that, then got arsey with him! Ridiculous. Birthdays for us are about spending it with each other, a take out and a film.

NeverForgetYourDreams · 02/02/2022 18:19

No from me. I'm 50 this year and I would be paying for my own party and not expecting friends to pay

Wiseupkid · 02/02/2022 18:19

I find it amazing that people act like children when it comes to birthdays, of course it is nice to celebrate but really...

middlenglander · 02/02/2022 18:20

No way!

iklboo · 02/02/2022 18:25

I think the Queen is older than 50? It'd have to be royalty for me to a) go on a birthday weekend and b) shell out nearly £300 without travel, outfits & gift

iklboo · 02/02/2022 18:30

Whose birthday is it, if you hardly know anyone else going?

ButtockUp · 02/02/2022 18:46

No way would I go.
I'd just refuse .

Original poster
MyNameIsAngelicaSchuyler · 02/02/2022 18:56

@iklboo

Whose birthday is it, if you hardly know anyone else going?
A friend we’ve met more recently but majority of invitees are old family / friends who I guess went to each others weddings / previous birthdays / have shared history etc etc.

This thread has helped me clarify a lot so thank you to everyone who has contributed.

OP posts:
KarenTheGammonRemoaner · 02/02/2022 19:02

@MyNameIsAngelicaSchuyler

is it reasonable to expect friends / family to spend £280 on a weekend away for a 50th birthday? no children invited, so an expectation to find childcare on top (if you have them).

would you go or not?

It would depend on how much money was available to me at the time. My income is so variable. How much do they earn and do they have it spare at this time? How much notice can you give them? Give them time to save up? Or just accept that those who don't have the funds can't go?

Yes it's a lot and if you asked me to go and save this money up over a month or so then okay. If you said we're going in two weeks I'd simply have to decline.

Everyone's circumstances are different and some are variable.

KarenTheGammonRemoaner · 02/02/2022 19:04

@Wiseupkid

To pp saying why wouldn't you agree to it if you can afford it, well it is not about the money is it, it is the principle and the competitive bigger and better element. Of course I could go, but what about my friend whom is keeping her dh's redundancy quiet because he is in a bad place or others in the group that wouldn't dream of spending that much on their own birthdays. I just feel unless the friends are choosing together a fun place and everyone is involved in the decision making and actively wanting to go, and it is a joint enterprise otherwise it is a huge imposition/ endurance/sacrifice for others and would not dream of putting my very old friends in that position in the first place.

What is wrong with a super birthday dinner and a few glasses of champagne? Everything is becoming a mini or not so mini honeymoon!

Well you wouldn't go then if you felt that way about them. You would not go and spend a weekend confined with people you thought were doing "bigger and better score points". Only people who were up for it would go. Nothing wrong in inviting people to things. If they can't go, they can't go.
Redarrow2017 · 02/02/2022 19:06

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Clymene · 02/02/2022 19:08

You can't ask people to pay to celebrate your birthday!

HomeHomeInTheRange · 02/02/2022 19:12

It is wholly dependent on a range of factors.

If it was friends or family that I often go away with for a short break, and I could afford it: no problem.

If someone less close and it would stretch my budget / be inconvenient/ not something I wanted to do for the weekend then it would be a no.

Invitations are just that.

Hellopetty · 02/02/2022 19:47

No, I wouldn’t pay this to attend anything, not even a wedding

mrsbyers · 02/02/2022 19:57

Mine is this month , us and another couple (best friend and partner) are going to house of tides for a tasting long lunch on the day and then a family Sunday lunch out the day after

phishy · 02/02/2022 20:31

@iklboo

I think the Queen is older than 50? It'd have to be royalty for me to a) go on a birthday weekend and b) shell out nearly £300 without travel, outfits & gift
I wouldn’t pay that much to see the Queen.
FilthyforFirth · 02/02/2022 20:41

I would for my siblings I like, and my very best friend. Probably no one else.