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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

50th birthday - reasonable expectations?

155 replies

MyNameIsAngelicaSchuyler · 02/02/2022 13:16

is it reasonable to expect friends / family to spend £280 on a weekend away for a 50th birthday? no children invited, so an expectation to find childcare on top (if you have them).

would you go or not?

OP posts:
TenoringBehind · 02/02/2022 15:19

Fwiw my 50th is approaching and I’m agonising over whether or not it’s fair to ask friends to come out for afternoon tea with me, or should I pay for them all.

dottydodah · 02/02/2022 15:22

I think that is a huge amount personally .Unless everyone is very well off it would be a "NO" from me! Plus presumably pressies for the birthday girl ,drinks and so on .No a lot left from 500 quid!

gogohm · 02/02/2022 15:31

Depends! A group of friends who decide to go away as a mutual decision or an invite from a friend who you hadn't previously discussed it with?

I'm going away with my friend for our 50ths but we are choosing it together

HootOwl · 02/02/2022 15:35

These threads are weird.

I would be happy to spend that on a milestone birthday celebration for a close friend. I'd usually spend ~£100 for a close friend on a "normal" birthday present.

I doubt the OP was suggesting that she invites people who are only acquaintances. 🤣 And presumably knows her friends well enough to know that none of them are so poor they couldn't afford this, or she would not even have contemplated it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

A meal in a fancy restaurant could be £150pp+ including drinks so it's not bad value, if your friends are all in a similar financial position. Most people find spending time with their friends and celebrating their major milestones fun rather than resenting it.

I couldn't do it if invited by a friend now, OP, because I'm a single parent in my 30s. Childcare costs are huge and I couldn't get the cover anyway. But I doubt many of your friends are in that position of having very small children to worry about, if they are a similar age to you.

An excuse for a girls' trip away is a godsend, not something for people to be bitter about! I'm sure your friends will not react like a lot of people on this thread have.

Growbean · 02/02/2022 15:36

Sounds to me like the host should pay or else don’t do it.

5128gap · 02/02/2022 15:40

Amused at all the people rushing to point out that they could afford it easily (naturally!) but still wouldn't go, despite not knowing what it even entails. If you can afford it easily, then surely it's only the equivalent of a meal out to you, what with all your money?Wink

twilightcafe · 02/02/2022 15:43

Would have to be a very good friend, or a well-loved relative for me to do that.

Nanny0gg · 02/02/2022 15:43

@MyNameIsAngelicaSchuyler

thanks everyone. as hoped I am not BU!

food included, don't really know anyone else going. the childcare is the biggest stumbling block but I do also feel the expense is excessive and as someone else said, when does it end.

Well I went away with my DH and friends for a big birthday.

We all paid our own and all were happy to do so. It was an excuse for a holiday.

But there was no obligation at all.

Valkyrie40 · 02/02/2022 15:46

If you don't want to do it just don't. I'm paying around that for a friends 40th however I want to go and have a child-free boozy time with good friends!

If it didn't appeal to me or I couldn't afford it etc I wouldn't feel U saying no.

Wreath21 · 02/02/2022 15:47

Depends very much on the social circle involved. If you're all loaded and would easily drop that much on one good night out then it would be fairly reasonable.
(For my 50th I hired the upstairs room in a nice local pub and paid for a small buffet; guests bought their own drinks at the bar and it was fine, but then I didn't have much money and nor did most of my mates.)

perimenofertility · 02/02/2022 15:49

I would pay it if I was genuinely going to enjoy the whole weekend away. Unfortunately quite often with birthday trips away (or hen weekends, etc), it's someone else's choice of food, someone else's choice of activity, someone else's schedule, and so on.

pussycatunpickingcrossesagain · 02/02/2022 15:54

No.
Mainly because if you need child care then it's not going to be enjoyable.
Don't be guilt tripped - if they wanted you and your OH there, they'd extend it to kids...which changes the dynamic, but a family comes as a package sometimes. says the child free woman

HootOwl · 02/02/2022 15:55

@Eviethyme

I would never !! only if it was my mum who i love dearly, £280 is a whole month of bills and then some for me !!!! If i was rich then fair enough but hell no.
Lucky you to have such cheap bills! 🤣

I see the competitive poverty has begun.

hulahooper2 · 02/02/2022 15:56

I think that’s expensive

HootOwl · 02/02/2022 15:58

@MyNameIsAngelicaSchuyler

thanks everyone. as hoped I am not BU!

food included, don't really know anyone else going. the childcare is the biggest stumbling block but I do also feel the expense is excessive and as someone else said, when does it end.

Oh I see. You were doing a reverse. 🙄
Willyoujustbequiet · 02/02/2022 16:28

No chance

I wouldn't spend that on my own 50th.

Original poster
MyNameIsAngelicaSchuyler · 02/02/2022 16:47

@HootOwl not sure what the eye roll is for: I did not specify who I was in the scenario in the OP because I wanted clear opinions as to what was reasonable. I believe that's exactly what this board is for.

OP posts:
doitwithlove · 02/02/2022 16:53

I would think that quite steep for a weekend away

LittleGwyneth · 02/02/2022 16:56

I would be fine with that if I hadn't recently done a similar thing for your wedding /hen do / christening / another birthday. I think perfectly reasonable to invite people and be clear about the costs, and perfectly reasonable if people say no.

To be honest if that's a weekend away to a nice house somewhere for two nights and includes all food and booze then I think that's pretty reasonable.

Nontransfer · 02/02/2022 16:57

I'd go for a very close friend or my sister if it was a very small group of people close to her, no more than 3-4. I wouldn't pay that much as part of a large crowd, unless it was something I really wanted to do

JustDanceAddict · 02/02/2022 16:58

No way!!

CrimbleCrumble1 · 02/02/2022 17:01

OP I don’t blame you for thinking it’s unreasonable.
I had a fab party at home with caterers and loads of booze (I took requests from my guests beforehand and then purchased what they liked). All they had to pay for was a cab home.

caringcarer · 02/02/2022 17:11

Seems a lot especially if you have to find a whole weekend of childcare which will be very expensive. I'd pass.

Pinksmyfavoritecolour · 02/02/2022 17:11

I didn’t spend that going out on my own 50th, so not a chance on someone else’s.

Arabellla · 02/02/2022 17:29

@HootOwl

OP hasn't done a reverse Confused

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