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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

50th birthday - reasonable expectations?

155 replies

MyNameIsAngelicaSchuyler · 02/02/2022 13:16

is it reasonable to expect friends / family to spend £280 on a weekend away for a 50th birthday? no children invited, so an expectation to find childcare on top (if you have them).

would you go or not?

OP posts:
skippy67 · 02/02/2022 13:37

Nope!

Christmas1988 · 02/02/2022 13:37

No, silly request.

BlingLoving · 02/02/2022 13:38

These threads are pointless. I would not be insulted by such a request, but most likely would decline due to a combination of cost and childcare issues. Other people would be outraged by the request. Still others would think it's fine.

Surely, you are the only one who knows how your friends and family would feel? In my case, in such a situation, I'd probably float the idea in a generic way, "oh, we're thinking of x but we're conscious that the childcare and cost issues are major, what do you think?"

Also, it depends who we are talking about - just your one and only BFF or 30 of the school mums? The former is more likely to at least consider it, even if it's a big ask, the latter would think you're 4 beers short of a six pack.

Original poster
MyNameIsAngelicaSchuyler · 02/02/2022 13:38

thanks everyone. as hoped I am not BU!

food included, don't really know anyone else going. the childcare is the biggest stumbling block but I do also feel the expense is excessive and as someone else said, when does it end.

OP posts:
Lindy2 · 02/02/2022 13:38

No.

I was going to do a night away at a special location with some of my family for my 50th. I was paying for everyone. If you have a party the host pays don't they?

In the end lockdown cancelled all of my plans anyway so a seafood platter and bottle of champagne at home was as exciting as it got.

SilkLabrador · 02/02/2022 13:39

It seems reasonable to me but if you can't afford it then it's not.

Blossomtoes · 02/02/2022 13:39

If it was a very close friend and I knew I was going to have a wonderful time I would. But we can afford it and no childcare would be involved.

Hdhr8jsj · 02/02/2022 13:39

If it was one of my closest friends, then yes I would go (probably) but my kids are all 18+ and I can afford it.

Wider circle of friends...no.

FilledSoda · 02/02/2022 13:40

£280 each ?
No , maybe for both of us but it would have to be somewhere we'd want to visit anyway and would have to involve more than sitting in a holiday let just eating and drinking .

bettybyebye · 02/02/2022 13:42

Going against the grain, yes. For a close friends birthday I would happily spend that, and enjoy a great weekend with friends.

Puffalicious · 02/02/2022 13:44

I've no idea why things get so out of hand. I had mine recently: reserved an area in a favourite bar, live music we all liked that night. DH bought everyone (about 30) their first drink and put some money behind the bar and my sister brought amazing birthday strawberries covered in chocolate. Done. Brilliant night dancing until 1am then home to bed.

Best friend has hers in a few weeks. It's at her house for about the same amount, she's getting caterers in, everyone brings the booze. Done.

Chandeleur · 02/02/2022 13:44

I probably would be fine with that for a close friend, but then of course it depends on your finances. That being said, for my 50th I paid for flights and accommodation for 5 of us and then we had a kitty for food and drinks.

DowntonCrabby · 02/02/2022 13:45

Expect, no, of course not.
Invite with plenty of notice and upfront discussion of all costs and itinerary with no offence taken if lots decline then sure, why not, if that’s what you want to do?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/02/2022 13:45

It’s ok to ask but they should expect a lot of nos

Stroopwaffle5000 · 02/02/2022 13:45

Nope. Fed up of big expensive celebrations all the time, I spent a fortune on a friend's wedding and 50th birthday last year! I wish it would go back to simple nights out for birthdays.

megletthesecond · 02/02/2022 13:47

No. Way too expensive.

diddl · 02/02/2022 13:49

I don't think it's reasonable to expect people to spend that much.

I could afford it but it would still depend on what was included, travel time/costs & would there be extra expense.

Theonlyoneiknow · 02/02/2022 13:49

Me and my girlfriends all turn 50 this year so we will go away for a weekend (no kids) that will cost that much. But this is a group thing. I wouldn't do that otherwise.

Whatsonmymindgrapes · 02/02/2022 13:50

Depends if it seemed like something I wanted to do/liked the people. £280 is not a lot for us so if I was happy to go I’d pay that.

HopefulProcrastinator · 02/02/2022 13:51

Even though I have a couple of really good friend's who are worth spending upwards of £300 to share their birthday with, I couldn't justify such a large chunk of our family budget on something like that.

Utterly self absorbed to arrange a celebration that requires anything more than the cost of meal/drinks if you can't afford to pay and host and a taxi ride home.

thewhatsit · 02/02/2022 13:52

Depends entirely on the situation. If I were around 50 and a friend was having a 50th then my DC will be old enough to look after themselves and I’d love a weekend away.

If it’s me now, with young DC, the ask would be pretty inconvenient.

I would expect something like this to have been thrashed out on a group WhatsApp or similar for a while and a plan made that most were happy with.

RumJerrySailorRum · 02/02/2022 13:53

I probably would spend that, but would internally up that figure to £500.

I would however expect at least a years notice and for the 'host' not to be overly precious about anything.

I've got some very close friends, I don't see anything wrong with organising something special to celebrate with them. Our ages are spread out tho.

itwasntaparty · 02/02/2022 13:53

Got a family bash that is more of a holiday but happens to be a 50th, yes but we could afford it.

Anything else, no. Plus I have pets to consider as well as kids.

DetectiveFlorence · 02/02/2022 13:54

Obvious reverse, so no they are BU, whomever has asked this of you.

Selfish and thoughtless behaviour.

Rowgtfc72 · 02/02/2022 13:54

It was mine last Fri. Me and dh went out for the day and he bought us pizza for tea. My family clubbed together to get me a giraffe experience and concert tickets. Only dh, me and dd will be going.
I suppose if you're used to going away as a group and money isn't a problem it would be nice. Out of my league and experience unfortunately.