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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

50th birthday - reasonable expectations?

155 replies

MyNameIsAngelicaSchuyler · 02/02/2022 13:16

is it reasonable to expect friends / family to spend £280 on a weekend away for a 50th birthday? no children invited, so an expectation to find childcare on top (if you have them).

would you go or not?

OP posts:
Hesma · 02/02/2022 13:54

I wouldn’t go

Shoxfordian · 02/02/2022 13:56

It depends if you can afford it really
I wouldn’t be offended at someone asking

Beautiful3 · 02/02/2022 13:57

No I wouldn't, unless money was no object. I always think if it's an invitation to someone's birthday, they really should pay, e.g. party, meal etc. Unless you've all suggested to do something together then that's different.

altiara · 02/02/2022 14:01

I think it’s different if you are part of planning the event, so then I’d be ready to spend money. But if I out of the blue got asked this, then I wouldn’t want to spend that much. I’d be thinking more about meal and drinks rather than several hundred pounds.

Nutsohazelnuts · 02/02/2022 14:02

No

megladon2020 · 02/02/2022 14:02

Depends if you can afford it. Going away for friends/ family big birthdays (and even non big birthdays) is a thing in my circle. But there's no pressure to go. We go because we want to and can afford it. When you say childcare- do you have a partner and are they invited?

Original poster
MyNameIsAngelicaSchuyler · 02/02/2022 14:07

@megladon2020

Depends if you can afford it. Going away for friends/ family big birthdays (and even non big birthdays) is a thing in my circle. But there's no pressure to go. We go because we want to and can afford it. When you say childcare- do you have a partner and are they invited?
yes and yes. I tried to say one of us would go (due to childcare) and was guilted a bit ('the invitation is for both of you')
OP posts:
UnsuitableHat · 02/02/2022 14:09

It’s an odd thing to arrange if you don’t know for sure that people will want to come and be able to afford it.

thevassal · 02/02/2022 14:10

@bettybyebye

Going against the grain, yes. For a close friends birthday I would happily spend that, and enjoy a great weekend with friends.
I agree with this and would just treat it as a mini break. Outside of mn it is actually quite normal to go on holiday with people other than your partner and unless you go camping that's what a hotel, food etc costs.

BUT as OP has now said she doesn't know anyone else going then I wouldn't go if I were I her position.

Bluesheep8 · 02/02/2022 14:11

I wouldn't go. But I can't understand the need for massive weekend long celebrations for a birthday tbh.

apprenticewage · 02/02/2022 14:12

What do you mean "expect"?

mumda · 02/02/2022 14:23

Norra chance.

Peakypolly · 02/02/2022 14:25

I am planning similar, but have warned the people involved already, and it's not until April '24 so hopefully they can make suitable plans. For the cost of a flight my closest friends (3 couples and two siblings and partners) will get a weeks holiday, all paid for, and they seem happy about that arrangement.
My nearest and dearest will all make big efforts for each others significant birthdays.

FelicisNox · 02/02/2022 14:29

I love a holiday so I'd be all over it but in reality, my children are older and my finances are better... I wouldn't have been able to do it 5yrs ago.

Depends on each person's circumstances.

Flipflopblowout · 02/02/2022 14:30

£1120.00 for a family of 4, flat no thank you. Over a£1K without incidentals.

savehannah · 02/02/2022 14:31

No way.

Blossomtoes · 02/02/2022 14:32

@Flipflopblowout

£1120.00 for a family of 4, flat no thank you. Over a£1K without incidentals.
No children are invited, hence no family of four.
DarkCorner · 02/02/2022 14:32

I would but only if I felt I'd get £280 of enjoyment out of that and it wouldn't send me into debt or impact on other areas of my life. If I felt I was being guilted into it (both going) I wouldn't be happy though!

Eviethyme · 02/02/2022 14:39

I would never !! only if it was my mum who i love dearly, £280 is a whole month of bills and then some for me !!!! If i was rich then fair enough but hell no.

ISmellBurnings · 02/02/2022 14:46

Nope.

GrendelsGrandma · 02/02/2022 14:53

If I had the money and it was worth it, then maybe.

Worth it = knowing and liking the other people who were going, thinking the accommodation and location were worth that, it not being a massive hassle to get to.

It being someone's special birthday would only have a small impact on the decision.

5keletor · 02/02/2022 14:54

We could afford it and no, wouldn't pay that amount for someone else's birthday, especially if kids couldn't go (youngest is a breastfed baby so would be a huge faff in that sense too!).

Wiseupkid · 02/02/2022 15:06

I can easily afford a weekend like this, and we do holiday etc in our friendship groups but there is not a chance I would pay that kind of money for anyone other than my closest dearest friends of decades.
It is a very showy and pretentious birthday celebration that does not take account of the feelings and finances of the guests/friends/social padding. It would be a flat no from me.

traintraveller · 02/02/2022 15:09

For a close friend or relative yes I'd pay that for a weekend away.

TenoringBehind · 02/02/2022 15:18

No, unless for a very close friend.

Could afford it but it sounds like a hassle and it is a lot of money that I’d rather spend on something else less transient.