AIBU to let nanny go

[Nikster1986]

We were due to have a new nanny start this morning, to look after my youngest. She texted half hour before she was due to be here to say her mum was taking her dog to the vet today. So she (the nanny) couldn't come in because she had to take care of her brother who wasn't in school at the moment because his grandpa died last week.
I sympathise that things can converge and create a bit of a sh*t storm all at once. It sounds like that's the case here. But, why can't the son go to the vets with the mum? Why does the vets take all day? She hasn't offered a solution just said that was the case. She didn't even ask are we OK if she doesn't come, just stated it as fact.
Last night I was out for dinner and it turns out she also works nights at a restaurant and I do wonder if she is just plain tired and doesn't want to spend the day with an energetic 1 year old.
We need a reliable nanny; my husband works away so I need the support as my eldest has some additional development challenges.
So would IBU to find someone else. I've just started back to work so I'm only working 2 days and have the time to find someone. But I won't really once I'm back full time. I feel like I should cut our losses straight away. Appreciate thoughts

To be honest, it sounds like a made up excuse. Her mother's childcare is not her responsibility and their is no way her mum would ask her child not to go to a new job for this reason. I doubt her brother would be of if g'parent died a week ago.

That aside, get rid. She is obviously unreliable - intentionally or not.

I also think the text is a big issue.

You send a text, you have no idea when or if the recipient has seen/read it.

My childminder sends texts for some info but never something like that. He calls because he needs to know I have received the info.

The text shows a lack of understanding of how critical the service she provides is.

Agree with others that this sounds like an elaborate lie. Didn’t think she could tell you she was sick because you saw her working last night and she’ll probably be there again tonight so came up with this.

But even if true, her brother isn’t her child. Her excuse for not coming in isn’t something she’s covered for. Unless you signed a very unusual employment contract with her, she’s broken her commitment on her very first day. There is no way I’d give her a second chance.

I agree with what PP’s have said, fire her.

I’m surprised though, there was a similar thread about an unreliable cleaner and all the posters said the OP should believe the cleaner and give her ‘the benefit of the doubt?’

Incidentally, where did you find this nanny? Did she have good references?

If she’s from an agency, I would tell them she’s unreliable as well.

Wrong choice of nanny; you've escaped a bullet. Thank goodness you found out before this unreliable person had sole charge of your child.

Tell her she no longer has a job, and find another. Check references really thoroughly by phoning to speak direct to previous employer. Ask how long they employed your applicant, (with dates) what her responsibilities were, ages of children etc. Compare the answers with same questions to applicant to make sure they match.

@NumberTheory

The text shows a lack of understanding of how critical the service she provides is.

Agree with others that this sounds like an elaborate lie. Didn’t think she could tell you she was sick because you saw her working last night and she’ll probably be there again tonight so came up with this.

But even if true, her brother isn’t her child. Her excuse for not coming in isn’t something she’s covered for. Unless you signed a very unusual employment contract with her, she’s broken her commitment on her very first day. There is no way I’d give her a second chance.

True and if she’s already cancelled over minding her brother, she’s obviously her mums go to for babysitting him. Guess who she’ll cancel every time something comes up with her brother !

@cherish123

To be honest, it sounds like a made up excuse. Her mother's childcare is not her responsibility and their is no way her mum would ask her child not to go to a new job for this reason. I doubt her brother would be of if g'parent died a week ago.

That aside, get rid. She is obviously unreliable - intentionally or not.

True, I,never got any time off for a grandparent dying … let alone a full week. Does her text even dignify a response. Wonder what OP has decided to do.

@Nikster1986

Wow lots of responses!

So a broad response to cover most of the comments:

We used a really reputable agency who have been very profuse in their apologies. And have been in touch with some of our other choices already, to find us someone else.

But the woman who got the job did so because she is experienced. In particular she has lots of experience with children that have additional needs. She has makaton and BSL qualifications- my eldest is non verbal so that's really important for us. And she connected with the boys so well that it was a no brainer at the time.

But, we had 200 applications for the role. In part because the average local salary for the hours we need is £21k. We offer more because we do not want a destitute nanny. That's not right. Plus, we think it's a pretty challenging role that warrants additional pay. Plus bonuses and we provide food (seems silly for a nanny to eat with the kids but have something different 3 times a day). So it was attractive to lots of local childcare providers and we'll find another nanny no problem.

I would give her the benefit of the doubt on her excuse. Its almost too ridiculous to make up. The issue really is the way she handled it. A 3 line text to say I'm prioritising something else isn't OK. Obviously your job shouldn't be the only thing in your life. But, there is a certain level of etiquette that everyone follows when it comes to work and she didn't at all. We can't always worry she won't turn up because something else takes precedence.

So did you contact her to let her know ?

So @Nikster1986 what have you said to nanny

Have you given her notice

@BluebelllsRosesDaffodills

I agree with what PP’s have said, fire her.

I’m surprised though, there was a similar thread about an unreliable cleaner and all the posters said the OP should believe the cleaner and give her ‘the benefit of the doubt?’

Incidentally, where did you find this nanny? Did she have good references?

If she’s from an agency, I would tell them she’s unreliable as well.

@BluebelllsRosesDaffodills - to my mind a cleaner is different to a nanny. OP would be relying on this nanny so she could go to work to mind her kids.

Cleaner if they don't turn up it's not end of the world as you can do it yourself or find another cleaner.

For me - unreliable cleaner I'd give more benefit of the doubt because as others said, she only texted OP, works in a restaurant where OP saw her and made up an elaborate multi layered excuse/lie.

@Vloggamamma - when both GPs were dying I took time off work to be by their deathbed. and got a day off for the funeral. That was that though. Had been there over 2 years and was very close to GPs.

Thanks for everyone's input!

An update: I waited to cool off because I was pretty annoyed I had to let work know I'd be off for my first day back. So I left it for the day and tried to call last night. She called back on a different number, and said her phone speaker was broken and that's why she didn't call me. Fair enough I suppose. That being said, she clearly didn't quite grasp the issue at hand and very much felt she did the right thing prioritising looking after her brother. Perhaps there is more to the story. But, I don't think the relationship will build positively build now and felt like we'd reached a stalemate after just a 5 minute conversation. We've agreed to part ways.
I've also sacked the agency. I asked to be put in direct touch with her references and they didn't have contact details, just pre-written statements. Which anyone could write. Its a shame as our previous nannies from the same agency were great. But that was in London and we used the Bristol branch this time as we've moved.
We're now going to try and find someone ourselves using local info.
Appreciate the thoughts from everyone - useful rationalisation when I was pretty p*ssed off!

I think you've done the right thing. You've done nothing wrong and seem a fair employer. Good luck with your search and sorry you were let down

I hope if the agency charged you a fee that they've given you a refund.

How annoying and unprofessional of the nanny. And not to even seem to realise she's done anything wrong! You've definitely done the right thing, hope you can get someone else suitable quickly.

@Nikster1986

Thanks for everyone's input!

An update: I waited to cool off because I was pretty annoyed I had to let work know I'd be off for my first day back. So I left it for the day and tried to call last night. She called back on a different number, and said her phone speaker was broken and that's why she didn't call me. Fair enough I suppose. That being said, she clearly didn't quite grasp the issue at hand and very much felt she did the right thing prioritising looking after her brother. Perhaps there is more to the story. But, I don't think the relationship will build positively build now and felt like we'd reached a stalemate after just a 5 minute conversation. We've agreed to part ways.
I've also sacked the agency. I asked to be put in direct touch with her references and they didn't have contact details, just pre-written statements. Which anyone could write. Its a shame as our previous nannies from the same agency were great. But that was in London and we used the Bristol branch this time as we've moved.
We're now going to try and find someone ourselves using local info.
Appreciate the thoughts from everyone - useful rationalisation when I was pretty p*ssed off!

So the agency actually didn’t follow up and speak or check her references

That’s awful

I hope agency are going refund fees and offer something for wasting your time. Written references with no contact details WTF

Wow can’t believe you had to miss your first day of work over this. Look at the disaster she caused by her unreliability. Hoping you find a nice reliable nanny soon x

Is she really,a nanny or a cheap,substitute .mine had no need to work evenings as proper nanny's earn a lot of money !!!

I think you need to talk to her first and hear the whole situation first and explain yours . Very unfair to just sack her without talking to her first . Then if you aren’t satisfied with her answers and the talk then you say it’s best you part ways before the child gets attached

@nannygoat50 if you click ‘read all’ at the bottom of the OP post it will show all the op’s posts so you will be up to date before posting.

I think letting you down for a fairly spurious reason on first day is a bad sign and she'll do it again. When I went back to work with DS I coped for far too long with a totally flakey after school nanny who let me down repeatedly and in retrospect I think was taking other jobs and throwing us over.

You have done the right thing to fire her. The excuse sounds made up, and this isn't a good start at all.

I hope you got your fee back from the agency. Accepting references without contact details is a safeguarding concern as they are useless!

I'm a nanny. I think you've done the right thing. There are lots of things she could have done to make that situation better if it was true. If she can't turn up on time on her first day, it's not a good sign for her professionalism in general.

Like others my initial reaction was to say fire her, but i would have a chat with her first and ask why her brother couldn’t go to the vets? It just possible that the dog may have had to be put down. Give her a chance to explain and if you aren’t satisfied with her answers just tell her this isn’t going to work for you.

I’ve had people not turn up on their first day with bullshit excuses, and they all, without exception, we’re interviewing elsewhere and using my job as a backup in case it fell through (my profession is a very small world, we talk to each other).

Ditch.