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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to let nanny go

226 replies

Nikster1986 · 02/02/2022 11:16

We were due to have a new nanny start this morning, to look after my youngest. She texted half hour before she was due to be here to say her mum was taking her dog to the vet today. So she (the nanny) couldn't come in because she had to take care of her brother who wasn't in school at the moment because his grandpa died last week.
I sympathise that things can converge and create a bit of a sh*t storm all at once. It sounds like that's the case here. But, why can't the son go to the vets with the mum? Why does the vets take all day? She hasn't offered a solution just said that was the case. She didn't even ask are we OK if she doesn't come, just stated it as fact.
Last night I was out for dinner and it turns out she also works nights at a restaurant and I do wonder if she is just plain tired and doesn't want to spend the day with an energetic 1 year old.
We need a reliable nanny; my husband works away so I need the support as my eldest has some additional development challenges.
So would IBU to find someone else. I've just started back to work so I'm only working 2 days and have the time to find someone. But I won't really once I'm back full time. I feel like I should cut our losses straight away. Appreciate thoughts

OP posts:
ittakes2 · 02/02/2022 15:20

Honestly, trust is so important when you are leaving your child/ren with someone you don't know so well. You have the ick. It will always be there with your wondering if you made the right decision to keep her - so yes I would cut my loses and let her go.

Rosscameasdoody · 02/02/2022 15:26

If she has no problem doing this on her first day, it can only get worse. Get rid.

HW1989 · 02/02/2022 15:29

I spent 14 years working as a nanny and I think I missed maybe 3 days of work in that time, only not going in when I was genuinely far too ill to work. Missing her first day with such an odd excuse and the way she let you know is a definite indication that the job is low on her priorities list. But lucky you saw that before the kids got too attached. You can’t be worrying each day that she won’t turn up.

OfstedOffred · 02/02/2022 15:34

Yanbu. If she's willing to not turn up on her first day she isnt going to be reliable.

Eviethyme · 02/02/2022 15:37

to be honest.. the excuse is piss poor. no ones dying, no ones ill, no one requires a massive help. I am sure there will be other times her family need help with something and if she drops you as soon as someone calls for help then you will often be in the shit im sure.

ElftonWednesday · 02/02/2022 15:45

We had a cleaner like that, always having to leave early for this and that. I was quite sure the reasons were genuine but it was just too annoying in the end and we ended the arrangement.

QueeniesCroft · 02/02/2022 16:04

If I didn't turn up for the first day of a job and sent that piss-poor excuse, I'd assume there was no need to bother turning up for the second day! Do you think there's any chance she has had a higher offer and is doing the nanny equivalent of making you dump her?

Xiaoxiong · 02/02/2022 16:16

@theDudesmummy the word "elaborate" is just right - it's always super elaborate, never something straightforward like "I was in a car accident" or "I broke my leg and am in hospital" or "I am vomiting". It's always something that seems to involve 5 different people's misfortunes and their sister in law's cousin's cat which has disappeared, which is usually a clear-cut sign of bullshit.

MarchingOnTogether · 02/02/2022 16:16

I was a nanny for many years before I started childminding.... i came on this post expecting to stick up for the nanny but no chance! You most definitely are nor BU. That's an absolutely shocking excuse for not turning up.to work, even worse doing it on the first day! Be glad she showed her true colours now instead of down the line

PaleGreenGhost · 02/02/2022 16:26

@Heronwatcher

Go with your gut. But just a query, if she’s also working in a restaurant is she actually a nanny (qualified, proper salary, pension) or an au pair? I’ve had many friends come a cropper with unrealistic expectations of people who were basically unqualified students barely out of their teens. If you expect professional attitudes and utter reliability then you do really need to hire someone with experience and proper/ professional qualifications and pay them accordingly.
This x 1000

I'm not saying this is you OP. However I think amongst higher earning women who've grown up with privilege, sometimes the first time in their life they have to make compromises is around juggling work and childcare. They've been educated to believe success is their right and are often married to ambitious men working similarly long hours. They suddenly realise they need a huge amount of help in order to maintain their professional status, but haven't been prepared for quite how much this will cost.

Vloggamamma · 02/02/2022 16:27

Wow that’s quite a mouthful of an excuse. Wouldn’t her mother want her to prioritise her job ? Texting half an hour before is so unreasonable, how were you supposed to find back up in that time ? Surely she could have even asked if it was okay to bring her brother to your house since he is not ill to at least show you she wanted to work out a solution rather than let you down.

haismfh · 02/02/2022 16:46

Nah the whole thing is ridiculous, especially on the first day.
I will say, however, that perhaps the vet will only see the animal and one person "cos of Covid" and the brother might not have been able to go to the vet.
However, there must have been a way round it - she looks after the brother for an hour or so while they are at the vet; someone else looks after the brother; brother waits in car. Vet does not take all day.

She's flaky OP.
It would be different if she'd been with you several months and had always been extremely reliable and an "emergency" with a dying pet and an unaccompanied brother came up AND she phoned to discuss possibilities with you. But absolutely not on the first day.

And it doesn't really ring true to me. You probably won't hear from her ever again. Just fire her and be done with it. Contact one of the other applicants.

Emmelina · 02/02/2022 16:50

She hasn’t even started yet and already smells like a headache. YANBU. You need someone you can rely on.

Dixiechickonhols · 02/02/2022 16:54

I think you've made right decsion. It may be worth having clause in your contract to say if they are unable to attend work they must call you by x time - a call from a relative or a text/email is insufficient. I had an office job with that policy.
Shows extremely poor judgment and you need her to be reliable. Day 1 it's unbelievable.

affairsofdragons · 02/02/2022 16:55

She's been remarkably short-sighted and, frankly, stupid.

I'd tell her not to bother coming in, you had over 200 applications for the well paid role, and you'll look elsewhere.

Dixiechickonhols · 02/02/2022 16:55

You do wonder if more going on eg her mum uses her for childcare and has deliberately sabotaged her but not your problem.

ambushedbywine · 02/02/2022 17:25

In my experience this rarely happens and the person turns out to be reliable. I’ve done loads of giving someone the benefit of the doubt and it’s never paid off.

If this happened to you you’d no doubt a) move heaven and earth to find another solution on your first day of work and b) apologise profusely
She hasn’t done either
Cut your losses

theDudesmummy · 02/02/2022 17:26

Reminds me of when my XH had a major hangover and he called work to say that he couldn't come in because his cat was in a coma. (We did have a cat but she was not in a coma). He was hard work too, in every way and a liar generally !

ButtonMoonLoon · 02/02/2022 17:31

Texting is SO unprofessional, especially on her first day.
I would definitely consider other candidates- ad first impressions go this was a warning I think. Best she doesn’t start at all, that way your children don’t begin to form attachments to someone likely to be a transient figure

busyeatingbiscuits · 02/02/2022 17:36

Did you actually check her references? Speak to them on the phone?

senua · 02/02/2022 17:42

had to take care of her brother who wasn't in school at the moment because his grandpa died last week.
I've only just twigged that there would be another missed day soon - for the funeral. I don't suppose that she gave a heads-up / asked in advance for leave for that, did she?

mcmooberry · 02/02/2022 17:43

I would have messaged her right back saying I need a reliable nanny and to forget it. If she had been far, FAR more apologetic I might have given her a second chance, but that text would have sealed her fate here.

cansu · 02/02/2022 17:53

To be honest the excuse doesn't really stack up. The child should not be off school because his grandpa died last week. The mum could have taken the child with her to the vet. She does not sound reliable. It depends how much you liked her.

JugglingJanuary · 02/02/2022 17:59

@Aaaabbbcccc

She sounds like a babysitter not a nanny. To my mind a nanny is a professional and does the work as their full time job.
Who says she doesn't work full time as a nanny?
Ireallycantthinkofagoodone · 02/02/2022 18:05

@BlippiPoops

That's really poor. 30mins before she's due she casually texts!? Dogs and dead grandads and looking after her brother. I mean, it all sounds like absolute horse shit to me. I'd be livid she couldn't even be arsed to call which makes me suspicious. It's very unprofessional. What if you'd not read that message? My mornings are so busy I might have got to 9am and just thought where is she? Oh look a fucking stupid text. I wouldn't even reply.maje her sweat and then say your budgie died and you needed to sit on it's eggs for the day before taking your husband to the zoo after his shoes got lost so you're sorry but she's no longer needed.
That’s hysterical 🤣🤣🤣