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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you are a 'housewife' with no children?

999 replies

crochetmonkey74 · 02/02/2022 07:28

I know the term housewife is outdated so first off apologies.
I've always wondered about this , I had a great aunt and uncle who never had children but she never worked. I've always been interested in how this would be (been a bit of a fantasy of mine)
Do any of you have this life ? What is it like?

OP posts:
ClariceQuiff · 02/02/2022 07:31

I've got a house-husband and we are childfree if that's of any interest. I work FT and he does all the housework and most of the cooking.

VanLife · 02/02/2022 07:39

😂

Imyourvenus · 02/02/2022 07:41

I just can’t fathom why anyone would want this. I’d be bored shitless.

thepeopleversuswork · 02/02/2022 07:42

Seems bizarre to fantasise about having nothing to do and being totally dependent on a man for handouts, but each to their own. Personally the idea of being a "housewife" without even having children, basically running around after a man, would be my idea of hell.

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 02/02/2022 07:49

@ClariceQuiff

I've got a house-husband and we are childfree if that's of any interest. I work FT and he does all the housework and most of the cooking.
How does he find it and what sort of stuff does he do in the day?
OP posts:
Abigail12345654321 · 02/02/2022 07:49

@thepeopleversuswork

Seems bizarre to fantasise about having nothing to do and being totally dependent on a man for handouts, but each to their own. Personally the idea of being a "housewife" without even having children, basically running around after a man, would be my idea of hell.
But you wouldn’t have ‘nothing to do’.

You would run the household.

ZoeTheThornyDevil · 02/02/2022 07:51

A household containing two adults doesn't really take all that much "running". You're either going to be sitting on your arse most of the time, or generating unneeded busywork. But it's in no way a FT "job".

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 02/02/2022 07:53

@thepeopleversuswork

Seems bizarre to fantasise about having nothing to do and being totally dependent on a man for handouts, but each to their own. Personally the idea of being a "housewife" without even having children, basically running around after a man, would be my idea of hell.
I love my job and have never been in a position that this is possible. Fantasise is a bit strong maybe, daydream might be a better word. My mum would have liked to be a housewife as she loved being a homemaker but she had to do a few hard manual jobs to keep afloat, but I know she would have loved to be able to do it full time. She had grown up with her mum following an old fashioned week - laundry on Monday, dusting and polishing Tuesday shopping every day etc so it's always interested me
OP posts:
Abigail12345654321 · 02/02/2022 07:53

Depends on the house! I’d love to have my partner at home full time. Can absolutely see how it would be a full time job.

Lockheart · 02/02/2022 07:53

I'd love it if I was wealthy enough that I didn't have to work, but you'd need something to do to fill your time! And I wouldn't want to be reliant on someone else for that wealth.

If you're talking about a 'great' aunt and uncle then presumably this was some years ago when they would have first been married, when regardless of children fewer women worked and were more expected to stay at home, so I don't think they'd have been that unusual.

I'm sure many people chose it deliberately, but I suppose some women stopped work in anticipation of children that never arrived, or through redundancy, and if the set up suited the couple then why not carry on like that.

ClariceQuiff · 02/02/2022 07:53

I think he'd like to work part-time but feels his age is against him - he's 60. He did work part time for years but lost his job in early 2021 due to Covid. During the day he does the usual housework - vacuuming, washing up, laundry, cleaning - whatever needs doing - grocery shopping, feeding the cats and doing their litter - all that sort of thing. I usually make my own lunch because I have something quick and simple, but he'll do the dinner and ad-hoc cups of tea.

thepeopleversuswork · 02/02/2022 07:54

@ZoeTheThornyDevil

A household containing two adults doesn't really take all that much "running". You're either going to be sitting on your arse most of the time, or generating unneeded busywork. But it's in no way a FT "job".
Quite. And it would be a mind-numbingly boring job too. And with no purpose and no autonomy.
JosephineDeBeauharnais · 02/02/2022 07:56

I know several women in this situation. They are childless by choice, married to high earning men and wouldn’t dream of doing any sort of work. They don’t volunteer, do charity work, fundraising, nothing. They also have cleaners and gardeners. What they do is shop, coffee, lunch, plan holidays, walk the dog. They’ve always got a home improvement project on the go, or are moving house. They seem to fill their time very nicely and have lovely, enviable lives.

stuntbubbles · 02/02/2022 07:56

dusting and polishing Tuesday
That takes you up to 9.30am, perhaps 10am if you’ve had a lie-in. You’d need something to fill the rest of the day – and enough money to do so if you don’t want to be stuck at home. You need a project and a purpose. (Pushing a hoover around is neither.)

Bagelsandbrie · 02/02/2022 07:57

@Imyourvenus

I just can’t fathom why anyone would want this. I’d be bored shitless.
Would you be bored shitless when you retire? Surely you just fill your time with stuff you want to do. Same thing.
CounsellorTroi · 02/02/2022 07:58

Why does running a home only count as work if you have children? And some wives don’t work even though their children are at school all day? What’s the difference?

Don’t get me wrong, wouldn’t have been my cup of tea when I was younger (I’m retired now) but if one partner chooses to stay home and support the career of the other that is their business.

twoladsnow · 02/02/2022 07:58

@Imyourvenus

I just can’t fathom why anyone would want this. I’d be bored shitless.
Different people like different things in shock horror new news.

Also, if I was a housewife with no kids I could fill my days doing what I wanted, no need to be bored.

twoladsnow · 02/02/2022 07:59

@ZoeTheThornyDevil

A household containing two adults doesn't really take all that much "running". You're either going to be sitting on your arse most of the time, or generating unneeded busywork. But it's in no way a FT "job".
So what. Sounds like jealousy to me
SoftPillow · 02/02/2022 08:02

I know someone younger in this position.

They lost a child she didn't go back to work. He has a v stressful job with lots of travel.

She runs the house, organises all social things, looks after her elderly father who lives nearby, looks after their dogs and does charity work

She seems content, he seems content and it works for them.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 02/02/2022 08:03

I always wonder on threads like this how people will cope when they retire.

Abigail12345654321 · 02/02/2022 08:04

@CounsellorTroi

Why does running a home only count as work if you have children? And some wives don’t work even though their children are at school all day? What’s the difference?

Don’t get me wrong, wouldn’t have been my cup of tea when I was younger (I’m retired now) but if one partner chooses to stay home and support the career of the other that is their business.

Exactly! Parent-ism is what it is. The notion that the childless live effortless lives and only parents have anything important to do.

And I expect these are the same people who believe the retired do nothing unless they are providing 5 days a week childcare to their grandchildren.

Namenic · 02/02/2022 08:06

People are being a bit rude. Whilst we aren’t in a position for this - and have 3 kids, I can certainly imagine things people would do if they were a housewife/househusband (aside from the usual cleaning/cooking): exercise, caring for pets, house improvement, gardening, meeting friends/relatives, investing, hobbies, travel. What do people think retired people do?

SnotRags · 02/02/2022 08:06

I have a house elf. Works out really well as he just gets on with shit without questioning anything. Only issue we have is when some bastard goes and gives it a sock. We’ve lost two now, currently on our 3rd but if anyone comes over we lock it in the cupboard.

Bagelsandbrie · 02/02/2022 08:08

@Namenic

People are being a bit rude. Whilst we aren’t in a position for this - and have 3 kids, I can certainly imagine things people would do if they were a housewife/househusband (aside from the usual cleaning/cooking): exercise, caring for pets, house improvement, gardening, meeting friends/relatives, investing, hobbies, travel. What do people think retired people do?
Exactly. Or are people saying retired people are essentially pointless and “bored shitless”?

We place too much emphasis on paid work in the U.K. It doesn’t have to define you as a person.

stuntbubbles · 02/02/2022 08:09

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor

I always wonder on threads like this how people will cope when they retire.
I suppose the difference is people plan financially for retirement, usually with their own pension pot, and retire at a similar point in time to their partner, vs the fantasy of “my husband will work to pay for me to retire now”.

I can think of lots I can fill my day with – walks, gardening, reading, writing – but I couldn’t justify doing those things at the expense of DP working 9-5 to support it, and I don’t want to spend my days cleaning/running a house either.