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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you are a 'housewife' with no children?

999 replies

crochetmonkey74 · 02/02/2022 07:28

I know the term housewife is outdated so first off apologies.
I've always wondered about this , I had a great aunt and uncle who never had children but she never worked. I've always been interested in how this would be (been a bit of a fantasy of mine)
Do any of you have this life ? What is it like?

OP posts:
SameToo · 02/02/2022 08:27

Being ‘retired’ for your whole working life or there abouts isn’t the same as actual retirement. It’s not comparable.

Summersdreaming · 02/02/2022 08:27

If it was dependent on a partner then no. If I came into enough money to sustain myself without working then hell yes I would.

For me the 'child free' angle is from the POV that kids make endless fucking mess and extra work. When dd is with her dad the house is a doddle, she can create a bombsite just making toast, so I can't imagine cleaning taking up more than an hour a day with 2 clean adults.

LovelyYellowLabrador · 02/02/2022 08:29

@JosephineDeBeauharnais

I know several women in this situation. They are childless by choice, married to high earning men and wouldn’t dream of doing any sort of work. They don’t volunteer, do charity work, fundraising, nothing. They also have cleaners and gardeners. What they do is shop, coffee, lunch, plan holidays, walk the dog. They’ve always got a home improvement project on the go, or are moving house. They seem to fill their time very nicely and have lovely, enviable lives.
Yes I agree with this
Superhanz · 02/02/2022 08:29

This was sort of me before I had children, I was a childminder for my sisters kids 3 days a week though from 6.30 am til 6 pm but they moved house and then covid hit so I was only picking them up twice a week and their dad was wfh so it freed up basically all of my week. I got pregnant soon after that so now we have a child but there was a short period that I would have been childless and a homemaker. And yes, I enjoy it and I've never been bored either, my days have always been filled.

WTF475878237NC · 02/02/2022 08:29

Dusting the house is hours' worth of work if done properly. I agree some people have a very narrow definition of purpose on here, as if there is some universal criteria.

SusannaQueen · 02/02/2022 08:32

Only boring people get bored

Ha, this. Tbf I do have a 16yr old, I'm not jobless by choice, and I'm unhappy where we live. But I have lots to do, and lots of things I never have time to do. We are renovating and I do most of the work, I play a sport and exercise, read, most of the housework, garden, photography, see. I want to develop my printmaking into a business when the house is done. I have a such a list of things I want to do.

Bitofachinwag · 02/02/2022 08:33

Gardening, cooking, cleaning, childcare, helping others are all valued more if you get paid to do them. That's not right.

dottiedodah · 02/02/2022 08:33

Just to say that as far as I know you do not qualify for any amounts towards a state pension in your own right. With children you are counted as a carer and can get pension alliwances.my mum also would have liked to be at home ft but had to work also.dgm housewife .these days rare I think .you are even more vulnerable financially than a sahm not for me I'm afraid

stuntbubbles · 02/02/2022 08:33

Why do people assume if you don't go out to work you rely on your partner? Lots of people are financially independent and have chosen not to work
Because the OP says “housewife” – which implies a working husband – and mentions an aunt and uncle where only she never worked. So either we’re talking about someone pottering at home while their partner does all the paid work, or someone financially independent but not sharing that luck with their partner.

If we’re talking about financial independence, yes of course I’d love not to work, and wouldn’t at all be bored – I’ve been in the position before of not needing to work for 5 years, and it was great. I wish I’d invested more wisely (time and money) so I could continue to work very little. But the thread isn’t about not working; it’s about not working while a man pays for everything. (Excuse the heteronormativity but the thread started that way.)

Just10moreminutesplease · 02/02/2022 08:34

Not quite the same thing but I once had three months off between jobs. I wasn’t job hunting as I had a role lined up so was, for a short time, a housewife.

It was brilliant! I got all the housework done early then went for walks, read books, saw friends who didn’t work typical 9-5 jobs, and cooked faffy meals we wouldn’t usually have time for. I don’t know if I’d have been bored eventually or not, but I definitely didn’t want to go back to work when the time came Grin.

SusannaQueen · 02/02/2022 08:34

*See=sew.

burnoutbabe · 02/02/2022 08:34

I did it for last few years. During term time I am a student but still leaves months over the summer when I just did my own thing.

I am not married so supporting myself, does that make it better?

Partner works from home and spends 2 days a week learning to fly.

The flat still wasn't that tidy lol

gogohm · 02/02/2022 08:35

I only work pt and my kids are grown up. I do voluntary work and I'm free to rescue the kids as and when required

Porcupineintherough · 02/02/2022 08:36

Lots of people are financially independent and have chosen not to work

Very, very few people are in this position.

Nutsabouttopic · 02/02/2022 08:36

I'm in the position that I'm at home full time. My oldest are away in college and my youngest is gone from 8-5 Monday to Friday. My house is spotless, laundry is up to date, dogs walked and meals prepared by 10.00 in the morning. You think you would love it but it can be mind numbingly boring. I loved being a sahm when my DC were small but now it's tedious. Oh and I had always agreed that one of us would stay home while DC were in school. Youngest has another two years. Last night I applied for a course to refresh my skills so I can return to the working world. I've been home for twenty five years. Long lunches and coffee mornings are fine but my friends are all working. I go to a couple of exercise classes but the majority there are older retired people. I volunteer but that is in the evening. I live rurally so I can actually go all day without seeing anyone. There are days particularly when the weather is atrocious when I love sitting in front of the stove drinking tea and watching Netflix. I'm glad I was in the position to stay home with my DC's but they grow up become independent and you are obsolete . The grass is not always greener

TheViewFromTheCheapSeats · 02/02/2022 08:37

I’m always bemused with the ‘I don’t know how you’d fill your time’ comments and find it a little depressing. The idea that you need a job or you are purposeless.

I only work a little, I have more time nowadays. I have read books I always wanted to, developed painting, read university courses I could never attend, met friends I never saw, seen museums and art, walked in beautiful places, helped in scouting and camps, spent time with family more, grown plants, educated the children….huge list

dottydodah · 02/02/2022 08:38

I think this would be unrealistic TBH. Also as far as I know you do not get any credits towards a state pension in your own right .With DC you are counted as a Carer up to age 12 DC. You are more vulnerable than a SAHM if you do split up .So no not for me!

bargInhunter · 02/02/2022 08:42

I could be a full time “housewife”. I enjoy my job but could easily never go back again. I was a SAHM for two years (following redundancy payout) with DD at school and DS at nursery part time and it was the best time of my life! I was happy to do most of the domestic chores which took pressure off DH and gave us better quality time together as a couple and family. I still had loads of time to meet friends, walk dog, for hobbies, do some volunteering (which used my transferable skills and lead to an eventual change in career). I could decide what to have for dinner, wander to shops to buy fresh ingredients, have time to cook from scratch. It just meant life for all of us wasn’t rush, rush, rush. I thought I would hate not working, everyone told me I would hate not working but I didn’t. If finances had allowed I would never have gone back to work and actually can’t wait to retire.

RufustheFloralmissingreindeer · 02/02/2022 08:43

I got a part time retail job just before Christmas when the last child went to uni….not because I particularly wanted to or needed to

Up til then i didnt work for the vast vast majority of the time

Always filled my days if i wanted to, and could certainly fill them even more if I didn’t have the shop job….its cramping my style somewhat 🤔

PegasusReturns · 02/02/2022 08:43

I always think how terribly unimaginative someone must be to claim they’d be bored if they had no job Confused

Surely you’d just fill your time doing things you love?

I have a few friends in this situation, all trailing spouses and I have to say their lives although very different to mine are pretty cool. They play tennis and golf; they are all super fit, spending time walking or at the gym/Pilates studio; they do volunteer work; take long lunches. Mostly they have time: to cook nice food, get their nails done, go to the dentist. I on other hand am always rushing!

WalkingOnSonshine · 02/02/2022 08:45

I relocated for DH’s expat job a few years ago and the company paid me a “salary” for moving with him, mainly because visa conditions meant I couldn’t work.

I did some remote cash in hand work, studied for a MSc but mainly just was a lady of leisure. We had a cleaner so I couldn’t even stretch that out!

I loved it for what it was, but very much got to a point where it was time to leave & go back to work.

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 02/02/2022 08:45

Lots of really interesting ideas on here - I definitely recognise the idea that everything would be cleaned really well and lovely meals prepared and baking done weekly- my mum always wanted line dried washing and a little greenhouse etc

I guess her hobby was homemaking so she found the idea appealing. It probably makes a difference when you do it as well- if you are a woman who has a career that she can take up again, it might feel less disempowering as I can imagine if you were unable to make your own money it would be more of a trap. I'm glad this thread turned into a proper discussion- too often on MN at the mo- the first few posts are just really snappy, shut down the OP or be deliberately obtuse

OP posts:
Noisyneighneigh · 02/02/2022 08:46

@SoftPillow. That's so sad.

RavenclawDiadem · 02/02/2022 08:46

@Imyourvenus

I just can’t fathom why anyone would want this. I’d be bored shitless.
Why would you be bored?

It's not a situation I'm in, but I can think of 1001 things I would be doing. Things which interest me, which I enjoy, which contribute to my local community or wider world.

I just don't understand this idea that the only interesting and stimulating thing out there is going to work. How are you going to cope with retirement?

speakout · 02/02/2022 08:46

Sounds extremely boring.
If I was in a position that I didn't need to work for financial reasons I would use my time to do other things- study, exercise, get involved with local or othe groups.
Just having a diay filled with keeping a house pretty would be very dull.

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