To ask if you are a 'housewife' with no children?

[crochetmonkey74]

I know the term housewife is outdated so first off apologies.
I've always wondered about this , I had a great aunt and uncle who never had children but she never worked. I've always been interested in how this would be (been a bit of a fantasy of mine)
Do any of you have this life ? What is it like?

Bored shitless?

The times when I have been bored shitless are when I've been 'living the dream' of working full time in a proper career job in a corporate. I've done every permutation of work from full time, part-time, not working at all, freelance, contract, permanent. I've never been bored when I've not worked because I have a fairly full and interesting life. I don't define myself by my job.

If you would be 'bored shitless' not working then what are you planning on doing when you retire?

@FirewomanSam

My husband earns probably 10x as much as me and enables me to have a very nice life where I am not worried about money. I earn a pittance as a PhD student and when I graduate I’ll be working in a very poorly paid field too.

My husband regularly tells me that I do so much for him, that he feels bad that I take on so much of the ‘mental load’ sorting out all our bills, keeping track of the finances, planning all our meals, looking after the dog. He often tells me he feels like he has it easier than me and that I enable him to do his job (which he is lucky enough to really enjoy).

We both feel like we have a very good deal being with each other, which is how it should be. So all the responses saying it’s cheeky and unfair to ‘live off’ a partner are really bothering me. Paid work isn’t the only work that matters.

Sorting out bills isn't work though. As a single working mum who manages to have a job AND do everything around the house I think it's a bit pathetic when people need a partner at home to "enable" them to work.

@JosephineDeBeauharnais

I know several women in this situation. They are childless by choice, married to high earning men and wouldn’t dream of doing any sort of work. They don’t volunteer, do charity work, fundraising, nothing. They also have cleaners and gardeners. What they do is shop, coffee, lunch, plan holidays, walk the dog. They’ve always got a home improvement project on the go, or are moving house. They seem to fill their time very nicely and have lovely, enviable lives.

I don't believe there is anything whatsoever to envy in a life like this. I'd find it rootless, soulless and unfulfilling. If I felt so inclined to be completely reliant on a man for my home, living and status, I'd still continue with writing and research and would probably volunteer for a conservation or wildlife trust.

In answer to the OP, you'll never hear any man define his status or profession with the words 'dad' or 'husband'. Those are not careers, they are family relationships.

You're either employed (or self-employed), or you're not.

Not for me. Ever. I hate & despise housework, everything about it. I am currently being reminded just how much I loath it because I have covid & my cleaner can’t come in. DH & I both work FT long hours in jobs we enjoy but I would honestly rather run naked down the high street than be a housewife, kids or not! I would also never be financially dependent on anyone else (I learned that lesson the hard way!) But, as a pp said, we are all different and I can see why people would enjoy it, it’s just not for me.

@ZoeTheThornyDevil

A household containing two adults doesn't really take all that much "running". You're either going to be sitting on your arse most of the time, or generating unneeded busywork. But it's in no way a FT "job".

Running a house isn't the only thing to do if you had time. I think if DH had this option he'd be in the garden all day producing loads of veg for us to eat. If I had the option I'd be sewing and knitting. I know someone who has this set up and his partner paints. She describes herself as an artist, but doesn't sell or try to sell a thing.

We're probably the people who got through lockdown OK and who others thought didn't have a life worth living.

@IWasHotInTheNineties
"Isn’t it just being unemployed?"

No because they aren't looking for work.

Anyone who’s into craft, or gardening, or doing sport would certainly not have trouble filling their time. Any hobby, or combination of hobbies.

I worry for the people who haven’t had a little daydream about it. I bet they’re also the ones that struggle to amuse themselves

It’s a word I associate with people of my mother’s generation (born 1936) when women weren’t really encouraged to go out to work so becoming a housewife was almost a career choice for some (and a source of pride for some husbands that they earned enough that their wives didn’t have to work).

My grandmothers were born in 1925 and 1929 respectively, and both got married in 1954.

One worked in a hotel until she married at the (rather late) age of 29, got pregnant almost immediately and was a housewife for about 25 years until her husband retired in his early 50s and they bought a B&B by the sea and worked for almost 25 years after that.

The other was working as a secretary when she married at the age of 24, and the plan was for her to continue. In fact, her husband had very carefully worked out the household budget including her income. She got pregnant by accident after a few months and ended up being forced to give up work. After about 10 years, once all her children were in school, she got a job as a school secretary, which she continued to do until she was 58, when her husband retired.

So I don't even really recognise this in the older generation of my own family.

But you wouldn’t have ‘nothing to do’.You would run the household

These days that doesnt take much time. Plenty of people manage to do it around both children and full time work.

Many years ago before labour saving white goods, highly effective cleaning products, cheap ready made clothes, widespread car ownership, convenient supermarkets etc it might have taken much longer than today, these days it doesnt really take any time at all.

I certainly wouldn't be bored. Running a house, sorting the garden, getting a dog so walking alot, exercising, shopping. The list is endless.
There is more to life then working for some people

I know a couple that did this for a while. He has an extremely stressful job that requires him to be on call almost all the time (but gets very very well compensated financially) and while they were getting married / moving house it made sense her to not work and deal with everything domestically. Worked fine for them, temporarily at least.

My Grandmother never worked full-time after they were married, even when the children had left home.

My brother has a househusband, he kept getting episodes of depression when he worked and they could afford to live on one salary, so he just left. He's 47 and my brother is 42

He walks the dog, cleans, cooks, gardens. They also do things like making their own cheese and he bakes cakes a lot.

@ZoeTheThornyDevil

Just to be clear, it's totally fine with me if you want to do this and fill your time baking, volunteering, doing a PhD, whatever. All I'm saying is that managing a household of two adults does not occupy a FT equivalent of hours a week, unless you're going about it really, really slowly or actually managing a large country estate or something.

Yes, this.

@ZoeTheThornyDevil

A household containing two adults doesn't really take all that much "running". You're either going to be sitting on your arse most of the time, or generating unneeded busywork. But it's in no way a FT "job".

It most certainly seems to be!

I'm just entering my 3rd year of not working, after being a teacher for 22 years, plus other jobs for 9 years before that.

I don't really count the first two non working years as they covered Lockdown.

I never imagined that I wouldn't be working, but life events, bereavement, dd's late SEND diagnosis etc led to this point.

My house isn't particularly tidy.

I have a cleaner.

I meet friends for dog walks, lunch, breakfast etc.

I spend about 15 hours a week volunteering.

I work hard on supporting my own mental health.

My husband works full time, and is responsible for the garden.

I do the majority of the organising, planning and thinking.

My dh and I are both happy with the balance, abs are 'lucky' that, because of bereavement, we can manage without my salary.

Each to their own.

No need to judge or be snidey.

@cakeambush

I can't imagine being so dependent and unproductive. I think it's a bit pathetic TBH.

I'm not pathetic.

Season totally agree, how lacking in imagination some people must be if they can't imagine how they would fill their time. I totally get the point about losing financial independence but, although not exactly the same, I was a SAHM for 12 years, only had one child so once he was at pre school (from 2) most of my time was my own ... I had equal access to our bank account and was never in the position I had to 'ask' my DH for money so I do understand that is totally being in a finance abusive relationship.

I found plenty to fill my time, I am not at all houseproud so I wasn't cleaning and cooking and doing laundry ... I has lots of interesting volunteering roles, using skills I had gained from my previous career. It was a great 12 years.

Now I have the best of both worlds, part time work doing something I love ... DS left home, DH will retire this year but I plan to carry on working, plus my volunteering.

Let's be honest, many jobs are pretty 'boring' not everyone is a lawyer or brain surgeon ... although you would imagine from Mumsnet that everyone on here has hugely exciting careers.

My relative is a housewife and she has nothing (interesting) to talk about. She will talk about cleaning, cooking, her hair and her clothes, because that's all she is. Sorry I know it sounds horrible but she is an intelligent woman, no children, just a life of housework, Loose Women, salon visits and shopping.

Me neither! Far from it.

My mum was /is a housewife from age 36 to now age 70.
My MIL has also been a housewife from 24 to now at 64.
I am a housewife now. I do have kids but they are at school. I'm been a housewife since I was 29.
There are pros and cons to it. For mepsrt of it as every female in my family when I was growing up was a housewife so I didn't see any women working. I've never been career minded so I'm quite happy to be a housewife but it is isolating

@JosephineDeBeauharnais

I know several women in this situation. They are childless by choice, married to high earning men and wouldn’t dream of doing any sort of work. They don’t volunteer, do charity work, fundraising, nothing. They also have cleaners and gardeners. What they do is shop, coffee, lunch, plan holidays, walk the dog. They’ve always got a home improvement project on the go, or are moving house. They seem to fill their time very nicely and have lovely, enviable lives.

that IS envy

@babyjellyfish

And it doesn’t bother you that you are completely economically dependent on your relationship enduring?

This.

I don't know how financial settlements are agreed upon divorce in the case of childless couples, but I suspect it is much harder to argue that you deserve a decent share of the marital assets because you compromised your career and earnings potential for the good of the family if you have spent 20 years pottering instead of raising children.

But for plenty of women raising children is an excuse not to work. The home is where they wanted to be anyway. So why do they deserve more of a share of the marital assets than someone who wanted to be at home without raising children?

Oooh I see jealous people 🤣🤣🤣🤣

@Suzi888

Oooh I see jealous people 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Walking around like regular people

They don’t know that they’re jealous