To ask if you are a 'housewife' with no children?

[crochetmonkey74]

I know the term housewife is outdated so first off apologies.
I've always wondered about this , I had a great aunt and uncle who never had children but she never worked. I've always been interested in how this would be (been a bit of a fantasy of mine)
Do any of you have this life ? What is it like?

But you wouldn’t have ‘nothing to do’.

You would run the household.

What does that involve?

Unless you are managing an estate, this basically means cooking meals, doing the laundry and keeping the place reasonably clean. Maybe a spot of gardening.

I have a baby and a full time job and my husband and I manage to feed ourselves, keep on top of the laundry and generally not live in total squalor. (Although that reminds me, I need to find someone to come and clean once a week.) No garden.

I think lots of us fantasise about not having to work. But I can't imagine expecting my partner to support me if I wasn't contributing to the family in another way such as childcare. It seems really unfair. I don't think housework is a full time job in the way childcare is.

My DP was furloughed for 8 weeks while I kept going to work, so he was “house husband”. I bloody loved it! House spotless, laundry done, lunches packed for me and dinners made and ready. He did any diy jobs, painted walls, kept the garden immaculate and had lots of time for himself to run and workout.

If we could afford it, we’d both go back to that!!! 😂

I walk the dog,see my family and friends and have a very appreciative Husband who loves having me home.
We are a partnership and it works for us
@loveliesbleeding1 sums it up better than I did! I'm happy, my DH is happy, we can afford it. Isn't that all that matters?

I have one teen and I work very, very part time so I almost qualify I guess. I garden, redecorate, travel, hike, cook from scratch, craft and have done lots of voluntary work - to me I can't think of anything more tedious than having to get up and go to work everyday. I'm jealous of people who found a job they love though, I've always hated all the jobs I've done. Whatever job you do just ends up stressful I find and this way I am chilled out and have time to enjoy the simple things.

Just to be clear, it's totally fine with me if you want to do this and fill your time baking, volunteering, doing a PhD, whatever. All I'm saying is that managing a household of two adults does not occupy a FT equivalent of hours a week, unless you're going about it really, really slowly or actually managing a large country estate or something.

"If running a household is 'doing nothing', why do people employ housekeepers?"

Exactly. Also I don't think that you can judge people from two generations back. There was judgement on married women who worked and many places wouldn't employ them. Depending on what he earned and the physical nature of housework, the decision for her not to work might have made sense. You'd find your own routine in those days, shops were local community places and you'd meet people who you'd chat to. Sewing, knitting etc were time consuming hobbies and she might have had caring responsibilities or community stuff to do. Even my childhood in the 70's and the women's social experience was completely different than today. I can remember the street parties, costumes, decorations were all started around February for the jubilee. There were things to get involved with.

There’s more to life than working.
Those who think there’s ‘nothing to do’ if not in paid employment must have very tiny lives.

I go to lots of exercise classes, take part in group sports, foster dogs, meet my friends, go out walking with people, volunteer at a number of places, go away to visit family overseas when I fancy……

I don’t ‘run around’ after my husband. I do the food shop and organise when the cleaner is coming. He often cooks in the evening as he enjoys it. I do the majority of the washing as I’m particular about it. He cleans, stacks the dishwasher, does the odd jobs round the house etc.

We are both very happy.

I have a very small income from an online platform and a few hours of in-person work a week, which I pick up when it suits so I can pay for my bits and pieces. He covers the rest.

@Daisydoesnt

*I walk the dog,see my family and friends and have a very appreciative Husband who loves having me home. We are a partnership and it works for us* *@loveliesbleeding1* sums it up better than I did! I'm happy, my DH is happy, we can afford it. Isn't that all that matters?

And it doesn’t bother you that you are completely economically dependent on your relationship enduring?

@BadgerStripes

And with no purpose and no autonomy

Quite the opposite of this surely @thepeopleversuswork

Depends on your definition of purpose and autonomy. (And on how you define "housewife" and where the money is coming from to support you).

Spending my life kept by a man's money and spending most of my time keeping a household to a standard in which he is the ultimate arbiter doesn't fit my definition of purpose or autonomy.

Choosing not to work to look after children is a very different matter. Or not working but filling your time with hobbies/voluntary pursuits etc. But to me being a "housewife" means devoting your life to keeping a "household" (and let's be honest about what that means, it means cooking, cleaning, other domestic chores and life admin). Each to their own but that doesn't strike me as purposeful or fulfilling.

To add, I worked 40 hours a week for many years, so I am very appreciative of this lifestyle of doing as I choose and I enjoy it very much.

Interesting that no one has actually come on here and said they are this person. Plenty of comments about how lovely/horrific it might be and yet you’d imagine someone with no kids and no job would have all the time in the world to be on this forum. Maybe the Mum in the title is what puts them off? I think being a housewife in the old-fashioned sense is vanishingly rare these days - especially for someone with no children. It’s a word I associate with people of my mother’s generation (born 1936) when women weren’t really encouraged to go out to work so becoming a housewife was almost a career choice for some (and a source of pride for some husbands that they earned enough that their wives didn’t have to work). That world is gone. I don’t think you can describe wives who pay for help and then spend their day at the gym and in the coffee shop as housewives - the term implies you are doing your own housework. It’s not really a word you hear much any more - most women would use the term stay-at-home mum (thought that obviously implies you have children) or carer (because many people who don’t work are in fact caring for a dependent relative). Being retired is not the same thing at all - that implies you have made your money and can afford to put your feet up and the world is fast dividing into those that can afford to retire and those who will never be able to.

I'm with you OP, I would absolutely love to be in a position to do this! Unfortunately I have both a job and kids so I'm not even close 😅

I always think it says far more about someone if they can't even imagine what they would do with their time if they were in a position to not have to work.

She seems very happy and will often make little jibes about those of us who have to work.

Sounds delightful. Leeching and scrounging her way through life, living off someone else's work, while having digs at those who work?

I hope she gets dumped on her arse, broke and unemployable.

" I was in a position that I didn't need to work for financial reasons I would use my time to do other things- study, exercise, get involved with local or other groups."

As lots of people found out during lock down, no they wouldn't. Lots of people loved furlough and chilling at home.

And it doesn’t bother you that you are completely economically dependent on your relationship enduring?

This.

I don't know how financial settlements are agreed upon divorce in the case of childless couples, but I suspect it is much harder to argue that you deserve a decent share of the marital assets because you compromised your career and earnings potential for the good of the family if you have spent 20 years pottering instead of raising children.

I can't imagine being so dependent and unproductive. I think it's a bit pathetic TBH.

@cakeambush

I can't imagine being so dependent and unproductive. I think it's a bit pathetic TBH.

This.

I would also love it 😀

My DM was a SAHM when we were children and has remained a HW since we left home. My DF owns a business and they go on holiday 15 times a year (sometimes more) and if my DM had a job, they wouldnt be able to do this. She gets 50% dividends from the company so has a lot of her own money so it has never really been a problem. She does a lot of lunching, meeting friends, going to the gym, charity work, and has my 2 DDs two days a week.

If I could do the same, I would love too.

I’m in this position. No children by choice and I don’t work. Like a PP though I have autism and found it impossible to protect my MH in a work environment so we made the decision that I wouldn’t work at all. I am fortunate in that DH is well paid so we have a very comfortable life without me earning a penny.

I don’t do any housework to speak of - I have someone come in for that - mainly because I hate it, but also because I can become overly obsessed by it and too focused on perfection so we outsource. I exercise a bit, but again have to be careful as I can get obsessive. I read, I cock about on mumsnet, I am learning the piano, I do all the house admin and various other time wasting things to fill my day.

The reality is that I am bored. And I am lonely. But this is the hand I was dealt and this is the only way to keep me safe/sane. I know I get judged a lot for not being out at work, which doesn’t help me one bit (have had some very barbed remarks over the years), but I really don’t have any choice. Last time I tried to work - in a little job (compared to what I used to do) that should have been no issue for me - I had a massive breakdown within three months and ended up on the edge of suicide.

So yes I have this life. And it’s not that great.

@Joxster

My DP was furloughed for 8 weeks while I kept going to work, so he was “house husband”. I bloody loved it! House spotless, laundry done, lunches packed for me and dinners made and ready. He did any diy jobs, painted walls, kept the garden immaculate and had lots of time for himself to run and workout.

If we could afford it, we’d both go back to that!!! 😂

My DH semi retired while I was still working, it was so great to come home to DH in his apron, dinner on the go and be dispatched to the sofa (or the garden in summer) with a glass of wine (obviously the wine didn’t happen every night!).

Okay so I actually just found myself in this position through redundancy.

Kinda laughed about it at first and called myself a 'house wife' but I'm a week in and honestly, it's horrible.

Not only are you bored but you rely on your other half to pay your way. No more random shops on Amazon of crap that I want just cause I can. It actually makes you feel like a crappy human being because you're reliant on someone else. What if something went wrong and you split, then suddenly you're jobless and homeless.

I think it changes the man's attitude as well. My partner went from being loving and caring to starting a full on argument because his dinner wasn't ready when he got home (early!) from work. No, I wasn't sat on my butt all day. I'd been spring cleaning and job hunting, attending interviews, etc, so to get home an hour early and expect your food to be sat there like I'm some psychic slave is pathetic.

Don't do it.

@Bitofachinwag

Gardening, cooking, cleaning, childcare, helping others are all valued more if you get paid to do them. That's not right.

Very good point