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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder why people ever go on to have more children ?

163 replies

rainbowbaby2 · 01/02/2022 23:32

After going through childbirth? I had a pretty straight forward water birth but I am so traumatised by it all, I feel like I would be terrified to ever have more children. Did anyone else feel like this after giving birth? If so, did you go on to have more?

OP posts:

Calennig · 02/02/2022 11:36

Some women don't MIL had DH than fought for ten year to get sterilized staff at time said she had an horrific time in labour - I also suspect she may well have had pnd which wasn't treated at least she didn't seem to enjoy motherhood till DH was quite old.

I had straight forward births all 9lb+ and one 10 lb all fairly quick labours even first was less than 6 hours. It was lucky with last it was so striaght foward as the care during pg was substandard and none existant during birth it did stop us having the extra child we'd had half thought of.

I do think bad experiences are frequently dismissed - and there's often an attitude of oh you'll get over it whch is very damaging to many women,

SockQueen · 02/02/2022 12:36

Everyone's birth experiences are different, and what is ok for one woman could be deeply traumatic for another.

Both my births have been fine - there were some complications with the second that means subsequent ones would be higher risk, but overall I felt ok about them and wouldn't mind doing it again. The two things putting me off any more are 1) I really hate being pregnant and don't want to feel like that ever again and 2) I find the newborn first few months very very tough, and that was with relatively "easy" babies.

After DS1, I couldn't even think about another for at least 18 months as it was too all-consuming. But I knew deep down that I wanted to try for two. DS2 is now the same age that DS1 was when he was born, and I feel no desire for more.

Horst · 02/02/2022 12:44

I remember declaring that I’d have another baby within days the actually labour was easy as was the pregnancy. Funnily enough I wasn’t invited to give talks to young mums

Cameleongirl · 02/02/2022 14:11

@LuckySantangelo35. It’s not so much that you forget, it’s just part of your personal history after a while, the memory fades, because it’s been replaced by others, IYSWIM. My children are 16 and 13 now so I very seldom think of their births as I have so many memories of them now. I know DD’s both was horrendous, but I have plenty of happier memories to replace it with.😄

Cameleongirl · 02/02/2022 14:12

*birth not both

HomeSw33tHome · 02/02/2022 16:08

Not everyone has a horrible birth. My birth was fine, even though it was an emergency CS.
I found the first year really difficult though and I don't have any family support, so not sure if I will have more children because of that.

Gizacluethen · 02/02/2022 16:12

I had a 3 day failed induction and emcs that I'm still suffering from.
I would do it again in a heartbeat. DS is fucking incredible and I love everything about him and watching him grow up.
I just want to enjoy every single second with him and I don't k ow anyone looks after two kids at the same time! 🤣

ThreeRingCircus · 02/02/2022 16:13

DD1's birth was traumatic. I DREADED labour the second time round but I went for baby number 2 because my desire to have two children was greater than my fear of going through labour again. Although it had been awful, I knew that I could do it and get through it. DD2s birth actually was a heck of a lot easier as it turned out and anecdotally a lot of second labours are quicker and easier than first time round. I just held onto that hope as soon as I was pregnant with DD2 and by that point it was too late, I had to go through her birth to get her.

Cosycosynights · 02/02/2022 16:20

For me the births weren't all that bad. They were fairly quick, and I recovered well. Both very different experiences and not entirely straightforward, but I didn't find them bad experiences if that makes sense. I actually enjoyed the births and I get a bit warm and fuzzy remembering the pushing part.

Sleepless nights were another thing altogether. My youngest didn't sleep properly for years and I'd never want to do it again.

Some people cope well with the night wakings and say that it's only for a short time but I find sleep deprivation horrendous. In fact the whole baby and toddler stage puts me off ever having another.

tractorhome · 02/02/2022 16:32

12 weeks is no time when it comes to childbirth.

I had an almost two year gap between first and second and second birth was better, largely because I stayed at home on my own for much longer and laboured through the night in my own bed and didn't tell anyone what was happening.

Agree with others that a few sessions of counselling early on is a good idea, even if it's hard to find the time. The whole experience is traumatic and a debrief can help you more forward a bit more easily.

tintin13 · 03/02/2022 08:20

I had a c section (really easy) and a quick recovery but i wouldn't have another one.
I didn't like the pregnancy at all and the sleep deprivation that i am going through now I wouldn't want to repeat 😄
Husband thought he wanted a second one but very quickly changed his mind! 😊 Nit everyone is made to have more than 1 baby plus we leave abroad and don't have any help.

tintin13 · 03/02/2022 08:21

Not and live of course 😆 I need to sleep

randomsabreuse · 03/02/2022 08:27

I think it's a biological programming to forget so that the species continues... Need enough replacements.

I definitely forgot most of the details until it was too late to change my mind...

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