To wonder why people ever go on to have more children ?

[rainbowbaby2]

After going through childbirth? I had a pretty straight forward water birth but I am so traumatised by it all, I feel like I would be terrified to ever have more children. Did anyone else feel like this after giving birth? If so, did you go on to have more?

I was young when I had my first baby and was traumatised. I was also treated so badly by the staff, it took me 11 years to build up the courage to have another child.

Nothing, nothing wrong with only children. Nothing wrong with an only childhood either. The only slight tendency they have is to do better at school and be more conscientious.

I weirdly enjoyed childbirth. Am definitely not traumatized by it. I found it to be a very interesting and empowering experience. Hated pregnancy though! I'd have more babies because I love children and I find it hard to remember how much I hated pregnancy when I see a tiny squishy newborn

OP it sounds like you are having a really tough time. I hope you are getting help with your ongoing medical issues?

I had similar with my first, took a long time to heal and still have pain during intercourse from it.

However I went on to have two more children (all births were very quick and straightforward) and didn't tear with the 2nd two. It does usually get easier with subsequent births.

Broodiness is a powerful thing and obviously is mother natures way of ensuring the human race continues, it generally wins out in the end!

Solidarity with my sisters who had traumatic pregnancies and/or births and/or months of sleep deprivation.

Just the one here too. I haven’t forgotten. I’ve had a decade of unsolicited advice about how ‘next time will different,’ how ‘it’s cruel to have an only’ and if I gave up work I could cope without sleep.

OP, I wish I’d told people sooner to mind their own god damn business. One is the right decision for us as a family.

If you have time on your side, recover from this birth and get some counselling.

Yes!!! I was so traumatised after birth. I remember saying to the midwife how traumatised I was and she said ‘it’s all worth it though isn’t it’. I remember thinking no!! But as the love for my baby grew I slowly forgot the pain and now I’m pregnant again (only 4 weeks so have only just found out). I’m slightly terrified but also hoping I have a better birth this time around. I was induced last time

Fwiw my second labour was 1000x easier than my first.

Same for me. But you do gradually forget how bad it was too.

YABU

My first child was stillborn.

My DS was born v.prem and I was in a coma for 2 weeks, he now has severe disabilities and is our only child.

But I say you are BU because despite both those traumas I can still understand why women go on to have more

You forget about the pain honestly. I had a not very nice labour with DD1 including an episiotomy where I heard them cut me and eleventy billion stitches.

Yet I still did it all over again 3.5 years later! (Second labour was a piece of piss... was in hospital 3 hours and she was out in three pushes with only slight grazing needing 4 stitches)

My first birth was awful (24 hours, epidural, episiotomy, ventouse) however my need and want for a second child overrode the fear I held for giving birth again.

The second time around was much, much easier! Maybe enough time hasn't passed yet for you?

I have concluded that it’s such a deeply personal experience that no matter whether you had the textbook “perfect” delivery or a horrible experience - it can affect people in deeply different ways.

For example, one friend had the “perfect” Labour and birth. No problems, only 3.5 hours Labour. But she was deeply traumatised by it. Kept getting flashbacks and developed severe PND. She found it a hugely overwhelming experience and also felt that she couldn’t talk to people about it because they kept saying things like “oh you’re so lucky, it was so quick” when actually it was almost too fast and intense for her to process.

Another friend had a long, exhausting Labour that ended up on the operating theatre with episiotomy and foreceps because they needed to get the baby out NOW. Apparently there wasn’t time for pain relief. She then suffered a big bleed.

BUT she is totally fine about it. Not worried about doing it again. She did go on to have another baby in fact.

So I think some of it is based on your experience and some is based on your psychological make up and the way you process / deal with things.

Personally I found it a MASSIVELY intense experience. I had a “normal” birth with no major problems and I was left shocked that someone has been through a variation of what I experienced for every single human being on this planet since the beginning of time. I couldn’t get my head around how my mum had done it 3 times, or the fact that the queen did it 4 times!

I literally could not begin to compute how people have like 10 kids.

But I went on to have another one. I spent a LOT of time preparing for birth and had a much more enjoyable experience second time around. Still intense but less overwhelming.

So you’re not alone OP. Birth can be a total headfuck to be honest but it’s so different for everyone and most do manage to face it again - and usually it’s easier.

I didnt! One and done for 8 years now and don't regret it.

First pregnancy was the worst time of my life, severe HG that honestly made me ponder why I was alive. Had planned c section due to breech which was fine although painful. Was adamant I’d never put myself through pregnancy again. Waited till DS was 3 then a switch flicked and I wanted another, pregnancy was much better but then had excruciating 30 hour labour and forceps which honestly wasn’t even that bad, however I’m still suffering birth injuries 6 months later but the light at the end of the tunnel is approaching. I will never have another child, my body is completely done!

Just to add the birth was the worst experience I've ever had

Yes, me. I had a traumatic birth, decided I wouldn't have the second child I'd initially been planning, then changed my mind after I think a year or so. It's very common. At 12 weeks pp if you'd suggested I have another DC I'd have told you to fuck off. But I did!

Simple answer is yes!!

I had the most horrendous birth… ‘straight forward’ on paper, but from my point of view it was like experiencing torture! 😂 too late for an epidural, complications during labour and so on… but guess who has a toddler and is pregnant again - me!!! And I am soooo excited to have another baby, so fortunate to be pregnant again and so happy that my toddler will have a little playmate throughout life!

Definitely didn’t cross my mind to have another child until my toddler was at least 1, I even screamed to the student midwife ‘never doooo thissss’ during labour and told one of the midwives she was stupid for doing this more than once!! They all laughed at me… told me I’d be back in 2 years… and I will be seeing them again at that point 😂❤️

You forget how bad the birth is, but it's the ongoing shittiness of parenthood that kinda stays with you, and makes you question having had kids

The children get to about 18 months and you really don’t want them to be only children more than the fear of childbirth. You do it for them

What a load of codswallop. You don't have another child on behalf of your first child.

Have one if you want one. It's not some kind of altruistic act.

Like some of the other pp's, one was enough for us and we have never regretted it. Lots of aunties and cousins, and all time and resources and no stress for our 1 dd.

@converseandjeans

I had awful three day long birth with first but bizarrely forgot the pain straight away. It's bizarre but I think it must be a nature thing. Otherwise I agree nobody in their right mind would voluntarily go through it all more than once.

this

my brain made me forget it all immediately.

Imo the estimates about being healed by 12wks is a load of crap. Every GP/HV/mum I've spoken to have said at least one of their births has taken much longer to recover, no matter how it went. It took me around 7 or 8 months to properly recover from my epesiotomy. But a couple of months after it's healed, you start to forget the pain!

I had a great birth but 12 weeks pp I was still a bit traumatised! Now my child is 15 months and while I can't remember the pain much, still happy with just one.

I didn't. Difficult birth after a difficult high risk pregnancy. I declared as I transferred to postnatal that I was never doing that again. The midwife laughed and said I'd be back within a couple of years!

DD now 6yo, only child and we're past the point age-wise when another child would really be feasible. You do forget the excruciating agony of birth (the first epidural didn't 'take' although the second did) but not the rest of it. I also wouldn't have wanted to go back to that hospital as the care was so poor.

Mine was traumatic and afterwards I declared I’d never be doing it again and I certainly won’t. The recovery is also worse than the childbirth. Couldn’t walk properly or pick my baby up for weeks.

I only wanted one child - a little girl. I got wanted, job done. That and birth trauma, pnd and birth injuries (that cause ongoing issues) mean I'll never have another. One and done. She's a happy "only child", v sociable, lots of friends and doesn't mind being an "only" child.
I would never put myself through it again. And the positives outweigh the negatives. I doubt we'd be able to afford more tbh, uni fees etc etc.

Some hospitals do offer 'birth reflections' where you can talk thru what happened with a trained midwife (trained in counselling). I found this quite helpful in understanding why certain things had happened as they did and what went wrong. A friend used it to help plan a second birth and get stuff put in place that she needed (she births very fast).