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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why people ever go on to have more children ?

163 replies

rainbowbaby2 · 01/02/2022 23:32

After going through childbirth? I had a pretty straight forward water birth but I am so traumatised by it all, I feel like I would be terrified to ever have more children. Did anyone else feel like this after giving birth? If so, did you go on to have more?

OP posts:
tulippa · 02/02/2022 06:31

I was told I would need a section the second time round. And I waited four years.
There's no way I would have got pregnant again if I'd had to have another vaginal birth. I never forgot.

ViceLikeBlip · 02/02/2022 06:37

I was devastated after my first baby, because she was never going to have a sibling, because there was no chance I was doing that again! Spoiler alert: she now has two brothers.

HopefulProcrastinator · 02/02/2022 06:38

There's a reason for the 5 year gap between mine. In all honesty I still wasn't ready but biologically I couldn't wait much longer if we were going to try.

Wowzel · 02/02/2022 06:38

I never forgot, and never had any more.

110APiccadilly · 02/02/2022 06:42

I had a birth that on paper should have been terrible - long induced labour followed by a C-section. But it really didn't feel that bad. I put that down to the excellence of the midwives and doctors. I felt listened to, supported, and valued the whole way through. DH was also very good (and the staff bent the rules slightly to let him in earlier and stay longer than the Covid rules said, which I massively appreciated).

I remember being on the post natal ward and a midwife made a joking comment to me and another new mum about seeing us in two years' time. And I thought (and indeed said) that would be fine with me - I could definitely do it again. That would have been a couple of days after giving birth.

I am indeed expecting again. DD will be 22 months when her sibling arrives. I'd actually like to have three kids in total, so I might be doing it all over again another time as well.

I don't think the straightforwardness or otherwise of a birth necessarily is what makes it traumatic. For instance, my SiL had a much more straightforward birth physically than me, but she felt left alone and afraid to the extent that I think she was traumatised.

Blinkingbatshit · 02/02/2022 06:46

I spent ages wondering how on Earth the human race continued to expand at such a rate - I mean who would knowingly put themselves through Labour a second time?…but I did🙈😆

RedRobyn2021 · 02/02/2022 06:54

The birth isn't the bit that was hard for me (although it was hard work and the contractions did hurt, I had her at home in water and the water was amazing and lifted the pain for me) it was the HG for the first 25 weeks, then the hospital trying to pressure me (more like hounding) into having an induction because I was "late" that really upset me. Spent the last few days of my pregnancy crying and frightened they were going to push me into having an induction

Luckily I have a very supportive partner and mum, who helped me SO MUCH and I had her at home. The first couple of weeks after she came, I said there wouldn't be anymore because the pregnancy had been such hard work. But by month 4 I was longing for more (I haven't had any more yet).

I think what some women go through, I am surprised they have anymore. Like I said, it's not the birth that puts me off, it's the hospital interference and undermining and coercion.

Foxglovesandlilacs86 · 02/02/2022 06:55

I remember after having my first aid wrong why anyone would want to do that more than a couple of times, and I also had a lovely water birth that was only a couple of hours long.

Fast forward to 15 years later I’m pregnant with number 9 Blush

Iamsodonewith2020 · 02/02/2022 06:56

Yes. After 24 hour long labour I went on to have 3 more over the next 10 years!!

daisyjgrey · 02/02/2022 06:57

No, I am one and done. I wouldn't do that again.

merrymelodies · 02/02/2022 06:57

I almost died during my first, which was an ECS (haemorrhage) after 30hrs of labour. Two years later I was TTC, got pregnant and gave birth to DC2 by planned CS. I was a little worried about the CS but all went well.

However, a good friend of mine was so traumatised by her first childbirth that she was adamant that she'd never go through it again. She didn't change her mind.

LadyPropane · 02/02/2022 07:01

My first birth was pretty intense. A lot went wrong and my baby and I both nearly died and then we had a very long hospital stay whilst we recovered. I accidentally fell pregnant again only a few months later... And I was shocked and scared, but I was scared about how I would cope with 2 so close in age. I was never scared about the birth.

I've had more babies since and although in the moment they are painful and terrifying, I never feel scared about them in advance. I honestly don't know why. Maybe because it's inevitable, as in, I know it has to be done in some way, shape or form so what's the point in worrying about it? I don't know if that helps when you're worried but it worked for me.

Also it's a relatively short period of pain when compared to how long you're pregnant for, and then you have a whole new person at the end of it.

babyjellyfish · 02/02/2022 07:05

Birth trauma seems to be quite a common thing in the UK. Where I live almost everyone has an epidural. The only person I know who was traumatised by (her second) childbirth was induced at 4+4 and she was so ready to give birth that as soon as she had the syntocinon drip she went from 2-10 in 15 minutes and didn't have time for the epidural. I wonder whether birth trauma would be much less common if getting through with just a bit of gas and air wasn't seen as the best way to do things.

Anyway, I'm sorry you had a bad experience. If you would like another child then you could ask for an elective C-section. The recovery for the first few days is hard (you don't realise just how much you use your abs for everything until you can't) but otherwise it can be a really positive experience.

BiscuitLover3678 · 02/02/2022 07:05

You forget how bad it felt but you remember that you got through it and it was worth it after all.
Hypnobirthing for birth trauma also you can request a section. Much more controlled and less scary in some ways.

BiscuitLover3678 · 02/02/2022 07:07

Also, women are incredible.

Quackpot · 02/02/2022 07:08

You forget

Sassenach85 · 02/02/2022 07:20

Waited five years, had counselling, demanded a planned c section. Totally different experience!

FinallySomeNormality · 02/02/2022 07:21

Yep. Took me 4 years to consider doing it again and I insisted on ELCS (first birth not hideous but I did feel quite traumatised generally by it!). Second one was lovely!

SusanSHelit · 02/02/2022 07:23

My ds is 8 and an only.

We don't all forget.

PinkSyCo · 02/02/2022 07:23

No pain no gain.

Metalhead · 02/02/2022 07:25

I know exactly how you feel OP. I asked for an elective CS with my second, which was so much better for me than the natural birth.

imamumgetmeoutofhere · 02/02/2022 07:30

I had 2 difficult and traumatic pregnancies (1 was a difficult pregnancy resulting in a very premature delivery, the other a very long hard labour and a c section) and
I also lost one in between.

I wanted a 2nd child, mostly because I didn't want my eldest to be an only child but also I hoped it would be healing for me after the first time. It wasn't and I'd never do it again, even if I accidentally fell pregnant

nannybeach · 02/02/2022 07:30

You don't forget! My oldest DD is 51, I can remember, the horendous pregnancy (vomitting all the way) awful Hospital treatment. I did wait wait 5 years. Still had complications, ironically, the best, easiest pregnancy and birth was my last at 41.

girlmom21 · 02/02/2022 07:36

My first birth was about as straight forward and as pleasant as could be (I forgot about the bloody contractions though!) so I was happy to have a second.

There's no way I'm having a 3rd as the second birth was awful.

Narutocrazyfox · 02/02/2022 07:39

I had a very easy birth - 45 mins, no pain relief, no stitches, home within 2 hours. Births differ very very dramatically from woman to woman. I did, however, have a nightmare pregnancy, HG all the way through and was a walking skeleton by my due date, so I was more worried about a second pregnancy than the birth!