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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be angry at my DH for talking to his mother

141 replies

wayovermyhead · 31/01/2022 16:23

My DH has been going through court to have access in our home for his elder children. We have 2 children together. Atm he sees his oldest 2 in his mothers house, staying there every weekend while I'm at home with the youngest 2. This is court ordered This is because his exw is adamant she doesnt want me around her children. This all started when i was pregnant and i feel she cannot move on from the fact i have 2 children with my DH as she always thought her children would be his only biological children. Our children have only seen each other once in 2 years.

She has spent the last 18 months lying and exaggerating "evidence" about me and making new and wild accusations at every hearing, however some information she is using is coming directly from DH mother who still rings her regularly for chats. This includes medical information about my pnd and teenage depression, and the fact i was severely ill during pregnancy with spd and hg sickness, stating i wasnt well enough to have them here and that my DH was practically my carer bizarrely. She also used when i changed jobs, when my children started nursery etc and my eldest childs medical problems.

Last week i was admitted urgently to hospital with a severe infection and was on iv antibiotics for 3 days. I was extremely ill and am still not better.

I asked my DP not tell his mother anything other than i was ok but rather keep the rest private, as i feel she will just pass this on to his ex who will then twist it in court somehow. I feel my MIL is very controlling and domineering and i refuse to have a relationship with her, but my DH loves her understandably and is with her all weekend and finds in difficult in knowing what he can say and what he cant.

I found out yesterday that he has told her everything and now i feel i cannot trust him and feel betrayed. He cannot see that his mothers want to know about whats going on is not as important as my right to privacy.

AIBU to be furious?

OP posts:
Wandda · 31/01/2022 16:25

Is the reason he sees his children in the mothers house because the court ordered supervised access only?

Kbyodjs · 31/01/2022 16:25

This whole situation sounds awful for you and I’d be furious with your DH too,

BitcherOfBlakiven · 31/01/2022 16:30

Have you actually seen the court papers and what they say?

storminateacupagain · 31/01/2022 16:31

The telling of private information to anyone even his mother is an absolute breach of trust.
Totally unforgivable

Cheeseplantboots · 31/01/2022 16:34

Yes you should be furious. That’s unacceptable and unforgivable. I’m sorry but I couldn’t be married to someone who I couldn’t trust.

sillysmiles · 31/01/2022 16:54

Surely court ordered supervised access would be more concerning.

Wandda · 31/01/2022 16:54

This man sounds very untrustworthy. You can’t trust him to respect you boundaries and he is clearly lying to you about the reasons he only see’s his DC at their mothers house.

There is no way a court has ordered contact to be solely at the mothers house just because she doesn’t like his new wife.

wayovermyhead · 31/01/2022 16:55

The reason he is seeing his children at his mothers is because his exw keeps making new allegations every hearing and the court keep having to investigate it. He can take the children anywhere but our house but where else would he go overnight?

OP posts:
Wandda · 31/01/2022 16:56

This still doesn’t ring true, is he staying at his ex’s overnight?

Wandda · 31/01/2022 16:57

Sorry not ex’s, at his mothers

diddl · 31/01/2022 16:58

He has two other children who live with you both yet you are a danger to his older ones??

Georgeskitchen · 31/01/2022 17:02

He has them.EVERY weekend? Where do your feelings and needs come into this? And those of YOUR children?
What a bad situation and he should NO way be telling his mother confidential information about your health. No wonder you are pissed off!!

DysmalRadius · 31/01/2022 17:06

So have your two children never spent a weekend with their father?

Toanewstart22 · 31/01/2022 17:07

A court has ordered that the children cannot be around you?

That. Is. Serious.

Toanewstart22 · 31/01/2022 17:07

I am a paralegal for a family law solicitor

And that only happens in extreme circumstances

wayovermyhead · 31/01/2022 17:09

The last hearing she wouldnt accept cafcass had no concerns regarding me, and has asked to speak to the cafcass officer herself which apparently is her right and so court was adjourned for a further 6 months . And so it goes on

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 31/01/2022 17:09

@Toanewstart22

A court has ordered that the children cannot be around you?

That. Is. Serious.

I agree with this. Something seems really off about this and I can't work out what it is.

The court has ordered that you can't be around the children or is he just telling you this?

Toanewstart22 · 31/01/2022 17:09

In 12 years - I have come across this less than a handful of times
And it’s ALWAYS been justified
The courts do this as a last resort

TipperHendry · 31/01/2022 17:10

Something feels off here

Toanewstart22 · 31/01/2022 17:10

I will leave this thread

You are point blank lying

A court order that means the father is not allowed to have the children in his own home because of you - is very serious indeed

madisonbridges · 31/01/2022 17:10

So the court has ruled that you are unsafe for the children to be around? Are you bring investigated by social services?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 31/01/2022 17:10

A court would not order a man to only see his children at his mother's house just because his ex demands it. There's more to this.

TabithaTittlemouse · 31/01/2022 17:12

When do your dc see their dad?

Have you seen the court order?

LethargicActress · 31/01/2022 17:14

You can’t police his conversations with his own mum. There’s no need for him to share medical detail, but your illness will have an effect on him too and it’s very controlling to expect him not to talk about that with family.

Hapoydayz · 31/01/2022 17:14

Why are you staying with this man. You can't trust him, he creates drama by disclosing your personal information and you don't spend weekends together. Plus you have a court case hanging over you. Is he really worth it? A partner should add to your life and make you happy.