AIBU to be angry at my DH for talking to his mother

[wayovermyhead]

My DH has been going through court to have access in our home for his elder children. We have 2 children together. Atm he sees his oldest 2 in his mothers house, staying there every weekend while I'm at home with the youngest 2. This is court ordered This is because his exw is adamant she doesnt want me around her children. This all started when i was pregnant and i feel she cannot move on from the fact i have 2 children with my DH as she always thought her children would be his only biological children. Our children have only seen each other once in 2 years.

She has spent the last 18 months lying and exaggerating "evidence" about me and making new and wild accusations at every hearing, however some information she is using is coming directly from DH mother who still rings her regularly for chats. This includes medical information about my pnd and teenage depression, and the fact i was severely ill during pregnancy with spd and hg sickness, stating i wasnt well enough to have them here and that my DH was practically my carer bizarrely. She also used when i changed jobs, when my children started nursery etc and my eldest childs medical problems.

Last week i was admitted urgently to hospital with a severe infection and was on iv antibiotics for 3 days. I was extremely ill and am still not better.

I asked my DP not tell his mother anything other than i was ok but rather keep the rest private, as i feel she will just pass this on to his ex who will then twist it in court somehow. I feel my MIL is very controlling and domineering and i refuse to have a relationship with her, but my DH loves her understandably and is with her all weekend and finds in difficult in knowing what he can say and what he cant.

I found out yesterday that he has told her everything and now i feel i cannot trust him and feel betrayed. He cannot see that his mothers want to know about whats going on is not as important as my right to privacy.

AIBU to be furious?

You need to get on better terms with MIL

No i havent seen the court order as it is still hasnt reached a final hearing. He sees them every friday night until Saturday night. No im not being investigated. I initially gave my consent for third party checks and they came back no concerns found. However exw will not accept this and has asked to question the cafcass officer. Everytime something happens its another 6 months before the next hearing. These are siblings who havent seen each other for 2 years.

If there is no court order and you're not being investigated and cafcas have no concerns, then he can have them in your home. Something doesn't add up.

So there’s no court order OP
What is going on here?

I feel like there has to be more to this. I can't imagine a court banning someone from seeing their step children unless something very serious has happened. Either you're not telling us everything, or your dh is not telling you everything.

There will be an interim court order. I was in and out of court for years with my abusive ex-h and had an interim order at every turn. My ex's girlfriend is subject to a prohibited steps order as she was abusive to my DS and this was witnessed by others. However it was a long time before that happened and that was a Cafcass recommendation. None of the scenario you paint makes sense.

None of the scenario you paint makes sense.

Correct

Why doesn't he bring your two DC with him (& you too if you want to go) to his mother's house you see their step-sibs? If the only objection is your house, you can see them other places.

Sorry I don’t understand why your children can’t see their siblings

So there's no court order, there's nothing stopping your DP bringing the kids to your house or bringing your children to see them.

Another one that thinks somethings fishy here.

I think your husband, or someone, is lying to you.

There's no reason your children can't go to MIL's house with your partner to see their siblings.

Your MIL hates you. She's feeding everything she can to the mum. Were you the OW? Why does she dislike you?

Your DH is deliberately giving his mum the information. It's like he wants the ex to have ammunition against you. Why do you think that is?

Courts don't refuse access in a father's home because the ex doesn't like the new partner, with zero evidence behind her. Either he's lying through his teeth, or you are.

Is he actually going to his mother's? Definitely not staying at the ex's?

There is definitely more to this story about him staying there, I don't see any court making this court order.
That being said, your DH should be keeping his mouth quiet after you have specifically told him not to be telling MIL details about your personal health.

Also I'd be asking to see the interim court order, there is always one until final order is made.

Why did you have kids with this man? You obviously knew there were issues around his dc and contact before you decided to add more kids to the equation?

Do you really want to live with all this hassle for the next god knows how many years? You can’t stop him from talking to his mother, he obviously has to see her every time he has contact with his dc.

So you have a dh who has issues with his ex and contact with his DC’s, your DC’s are probably rarely seeing him, you have a MIL that hates you yet you want to stay in this relationship?

Why haven't the half siblings seen each other?

Have you seen any of this order in writing?

A court would not refuse access based on an allegation with no evidence at all.

What are the reasons your DH doesn't take your children with him to see their step siblings? That doesn't make sense to me either, which is why something isn't adding up when you put it all together.

A PP said something which I hadn't considered - are you sure he's going to your MIL's?

Op you have been fed a bowl of lies. You in truth have no idea what the court has said, only what he has told you.

He is deflecting attention from the truth by making out that you are the issue.

His mother knows the truth and is spinning a yarn because he has asked her to to keep you in the dark.

You have no idea what is going on for real and they are not going to tell you the full picture.

Have you checked your partner's criminal record?

It sounds like he's going along with what his mother and his ex wants - which is to keep the kids he has with you and the kids you had with your ex, away from his kids. Is this still because your ex repeatedly reported you to SS?

I've had HG and SPD with my pregnancies and I was either in hospital or my DH was my carer. From the outside we had, "bit of sickness? Well my wife had ginger biscuits and she didn't need 5 days on a iv! You need to man up!" And I think that really irriated my MiL, she was convinced I was being a drama queen, then Kate Middleton had it and she couldn't stop telling people all about her insight on it 🙄🤣SPD also is awful and together you are very debilitated. Maybe they've decided you're being dramatic because it's so misunderstood and your DH had a rightly so, worn down vent.
However that was the past and he's not actively your carer now, so he shouldn't be discussing your health to anyone.
It sounds really messy and terribly sad your all his DC who deserve a relationship with one another.
It's really the DC who are missing out whilst all this is going on around them, all the adults sound miserable and stressed.
If you've a MiL who likes drama you're right to keep distance from her. The whole situation sounds shit and you deserve your privacy respected.

Its true i can only go on what he tells me,as i am not allowed to see anything as its sealed to the participants. I can see how frustrated he is at having to do this every week though. I was with my husband over 3 years when the children were coming over every week and ex w was happy . It was only when we got married and i became pregnant that she had an issue. I know he isnt lying because she even rang me and asked for my consultants number as she wanted to talk to her herself as she didnt believe what she was being told. I think this would have ended a lot sooner if we could have afforded a solicitor. I am definitely not lying why would i?

So they were coming to you for 3 years.

Nothing happened. You had a baby and popped a ring on your fingers. Nothing happened at all.

Now they can't come at a court's instruction.

You're being lied to my dear.