to think mn are very intolerant/disrespectful on conservative values?

[makkapacca]

Several threads have appeared on last several months over the sharing of bedrooms for posters adult children and partners. When a poster or her husband acknowledges they don't feel comfortable over this and want separate beds until marriage and mn gets up in arms over it blasting the latter as 'ridiculous' 'absurd' etc.

The poster or her husband will get bullied almost and be seen as an anti Christ. AIBU to think if people want to be conservative or have values different to our own that are not seriously harming anybody then that is fine and something posters should respect especially when it is the rules they set in their own house.

BTW I am not conservative or prudish by any means but aibu to think shaming and heckling people over being conservative and different to ourselves is bully like?

I'm guessing there's a large degree of overlap in the Venn diagram of

People who don't like being disagreed with;
People who try to control the behaviour of their adult children;
People who espouse 'conservative values'.

@MrsSkylerWhite

I don’t understand why people even put such questions. If they are confident that their values are right they don’t need validation. If they are going to put such questions to a wide range of people they can expect a wide range of answers.

I was just scanning this thread thinking that.

I would add that attributing a popular view to ‘hive mind’ isn’t particularly helpful either. People agree and disagree on lots of things, when you find yourself with an unpopular view it’s quite likely that you’re just not on the side of the majority. There are some things where that matters and education is important, the examples posed here? Not so much.

I am a Conservative party member. I don't have those values. Think you are conflating with religion, OP.

This is why hotels exist.

@makkapacca

Any threads about women feeling pressured into sex are very supportive of the woman, whatever her reasons. Can you show examples of how the MN 'hive' have insulted a woman for not having sex

that's the point i am making, there are no such bashing threads and it's hypocritical to support 1 value but not the other.

No it's not, because they are two completely different scenarios

One is about a woman's bodily autonomy - if she doesn't want to have sex before marriage, that view should always be respected.

Parents deciding that their adult children can't share a room with their partner are trying to control what other, independent adults do with their bodies. The two aren't comparable in the slightest.

@LumosSolem

lets be clear.....my rules are not requests. I require compliance.......and yes i agree that setting rules by the owner of the house will have consequences and one of those consequences will be that certain people won't visit BUT its my house. My rules don't have to be logical or reasonable or make sense to others BECAUSE ITS MY HOUSE.

And do you generally find that you have to dictate and state that you 'require compliance' or do you find that you can make polite and reasonable requests of your friends and family which they are happy to respect?

As you say, it's your house, but people tend to follow things are reasonable without fuss anyway. If not, why would anyone want them to visit? And why indeed would anyone visit with ridiculous rules being imposed?

I think most people now would really question the sense of someone whose unreasonable house rules could cause a wedge between themselves and their children. Just because 'IT'S MY HOUSE!'. But it says a lot about people's priorities I guess.

In practice I have had people visit who were supposed to be in the house to work for me. they felt themselves to be unable to comply with the rules and I required them to leave.

but what I am discussing is the principle involved (as i believe was the OP) and the principle is that its not up to others to decide what is or is not reasonable or ridiculous in my house.

I don't understand why you don't understand this? Do you think that its reasonable for visitors to make judgements over what is reasonable or acceptable to do in other people's houses?

YABU because it isn’t ‘intolerant’ to give an opinion when asked. If the poster has come to the website asking for honest opinions & gets them, what do you expect?

I would go to the barricades for my right to make my rules in my own house, or for that matter for anyone else's right to do the same, provided it isn't something harmful or illegal. However, if I post on an open forum asking for views on those rules, people have a total right to disagree with them. They don't have a right to come into my house and start breaking the rules they disagree with; but I don't think anyone claimed they did? "Your house, your rules, but I think it's batshit" is a fair enough response seeing as the OP of the (hypothetical?) thread actually asked what people think. Posters gave them the courtesy of an honest response.

YABU for saying the posters are treated as an 'antichrist'. I've been on those threads and you're looking at hyperbole in the rest view mirror there.

The only thing I have ‘conservative values ‘ on is that I’m not ok with constant secretive porn use in long term live in relationships— I’m afraid I don’t feel very liberal on that.

It's really very simple, OP. If you won't let your adult children share a bed with someone they are in a relationship with but not married to, they are likely to choose to visit you less often.

You're free to have that rule, but you can't then whinge about 'oh, you never come to see me'. Choices, consequences.

@Anniegetyourgun

I would go to the barricades for my right to make my rules in my own house, or for that matter for anyone else's right to do the same, provided it isn't something harmful or illegal. However, if I post on an open forum asking for views on those rules, people have a total right to disagree with them. They don't have a right to come into my house and start breaking the rules they disagree with; but I don't think anyone claimed they did? "Your house, your rules, but I think it's batshit" is a fair enough response seeing as the OP of the (hypothetical?) thread actually asked what people think. Posters gave them the courtesy of an honest response.

but people have implied that its only acceptable to make rules that they agree with.....that will stand up to "logical challenge"

Myself I am with you.

@pointythings

It's really very simple, OP. If you won't let your adult children share a bed with someone they are in a relationship with but not married to, they are likely to choose to visit you less often.

You're free to have that rule, but you can't then whinge about 'oh, you never come to see me'. Choices, consequences.

finally!

I think if you post on MN you should be aware you are fair game. Surely asking for an opinion on something means that you are going to get lots of different ones, and they may not be your own.

I

I agree. I'm not conventionally religious, but people have the right to live whatever values they have, especially in their own home.

As long as they're not being homophobic or anything like that maybe.

I mean, I'm bi but I don't even mind if someone is being homophobic in their own home, as long as they're not inflicting that on LGBT youth or something.

It's their own home, though of course if they are homophobic I won't like them.

@makkapacca

Any threads about women feeling pressured into sex are very supportive of the woman, whatever her reasons. Can you show examples of how the MN 'hive' have insulted a woman for not having sex

that's the point i am making, there are no such bashing threads and it's hypocritical to support 1 value but not the other.

How is that hypocritical?

I am saying people are entitled to have their values that are not harming anybody and have them carried out in their own house if that's what they want.

Of course they can. But if they’ve posted asking for people’s opinions on that, then it’s not bullying or unreasonable for people to give their opinions.

@pointythings

It's really very simple, OP. If you won't let your adult children share a bed with someone they are in a relationship with but not married to, they are likely to choose to visit you less often.

You're free to have that rule, but you can't then whinge about 'oh, you never come to see me'. Choices, consequences.

I expect the espouse 'conservative values', don't like being disagreed with, control your adult children folks have strict views on the filial obligations of regular visits ...

Do you think that its reasonable for visitors to make judgements over what is reasonable or acceptable to do in other people's houses?

Yes actually, I think it's entirely reasonable for people to make judgements over what someone says is reasonable or acceptable to do in their home 😁 we make judgements on other people's opinions the whole time.

Making a judgement isn't the same as wilfully ignoring it or being disrespectful to another person in their home. And of course, it's simple, don't like what someone's house rules then don't visit. Does it ever really have to be so dictatorial with you- do polite requests not work? It sounds particularly hostile tbh.

‘Conservative values’ recently espoused on this board notably comprise

-sex is dirty, women who enjoy sex are immoral
-transphobia masquerading as Christianity

I’m quite happy to remain intolerant of each of these. Cheers.

I’m just not sure why you posted your original thread, @makkapacca ? If you’re sure of your own opinion and you think you’re making the right decision, why ask other people? And if those people disagree with you, they’re bullying you? If the words ‘ridiculous’ and ‘mad’ are what have upset you, in what terms would a civilised and constructive argument have been couched (and what were you looking to get from the exchange)? I am genuinely perplexed - this isn’t being asked with a head tilt.

It's not MN that is intolerant but there is a core of very vocal posters who constantly act as though it's fine for teens to have partners to stay over; that parents should encourage their teens to have sex under their roof; that all teens are sexually active from a young age and that's a positive (regardless of any posters who link to research showing the actual trends in when people lose their virginity); there are also posters who consistently post as though their only understanding of teen girls has been shaped by porn movies. They even argue teen girls are more likely to have STDs than sex workers. Complete bullshit.
You have to remember that there are MRAs posting on here and TRAs; and a group of posters who are very vocal, aggressive and secular and whose priority isn't women or supporting parents (as the MN tagline states) - they skate very close to breaching the Equalities Act on beliefs and religion all the time.

It’s more that lefties, wherever they they are tend to be more vocal and scream everyone else down and start calling people names as soon as they don’t agree with people. This means everyone else backs down and goes quite. You see the same on MN.
Nearly 17 million people voted Brexit, 13 million voted Tory at the last GE and Dan has the largest online readership of any news outlet in UK. Yet when you speak to people you would think that aliens are making up these numbers, no one in real life is allowed to admit to this. This bullying by the left is so counter productive as people are turned off and engage in silent protest.

that parents should encourage their teens to have sex under their roof

Oh come on. No one says people should be encouraging their teens to have sex under their roof. What would that even look like?

and yet threads like this will have an overwhelming hive mind and it's a race to shame and hang the conservative party

And yet if there's one thing I think we can all agree on, it's that members of the Conservative party don't have a problem with extra-marital sex. If they did, they wouldn't keep electing men who shag about behind their partners' backs.

I will admit though I'm a bit disappointed that none of OP's examples of "seeing someone as an anti Christ" involved a mass outing of MNers with bell, book and candle to exorcise the unshared bedroom.

I would not take the older child's gift money. Instead, I would make him do chores to earn the money to replace the item. Earning the money forces him to connect his actions with responsibility and outcomes. Losing money that was gifted to you is not likely to have as much of a learning impact as losing money that you had to earn.

If the item were a particularly costly item, I might expect him to earn a percentage of the cost. When minor children cause damages, replacement costs usually falls on the parent, but the child should have an age appropriate obligation to help mitigate the cost.

This is in no way a step issue; this should simply be the way that any child is taught about actions and consequences.