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Original poster

Is it normal to have a lukewarm reception to announcing your third?

106 replies

MerryKIFmas · 29/12/2007 20:59

I guess it does get a bit repetitive for people on the outside...

My mum was very pleased about my third pregnancy... but from Dh's side we've been deafened by the silence. When we went down at Christmas, it was clear that virtually none of the family friends knew the news - the only one that congratulated us said "I didn't know until XXX mentioned that at least you'd stopped throwing up in time to eat the turkey" . . It's like I've announced a medical condition, not a pregnancy.

The only chat about the subject was like "and you think you're getting no sleep now!" and "so what are you allowed to eat then?" and "you're mad".

Do you think people disapprove (!) ? As though there's and impression that 3rd baby equals Dh being trapped by overwhelming family commitments?

OP posts:
CarGirl · 29/12/2007 21:01

yes sadly it's normal, don't think we got a congratulations from anyone, even worse response with the 4th

Staceym11PipersPiping · 29/12/2007 21:03

KIF, its quite possible because of the age gap. i know my cousin had a very sour reception to her 2nd who was born 1yr after her first.

chin up me lovely! you'll have another lovely baby soon, sod the rest of the family!!!

babyblue2 · 29/12/2007 21:03

yeah it would appear normal. DD1 brought about such congratulations with cards and presents when born but DD2 brought not a flicker of excitement

babyblue2 · 29/12/2007 21:03

yeah it would appear normal. DD1 brought about such congratulations with cards and presents when born but DD2 brought not a flicker of excitement

babyblue2 · 29/12/2007 21:03

yeah it would appear normal. DD1 brought about such congratulations with cards and presents when born but DD2 brought not a flicker of excitement

babyblue2 · 29/12/2007 21:04

I honestly did not press that button 3 times!!!

merrydaisy · 29/12/2007 21:04

Congratulations

MorocconOil · 29/12/2007 21:05

I found it depends. Some responses were 'OMG how are you going to manage?' to 'How lovely, a proper family' TBH though I think most people are pretty indifferent to how many DC other people have.

ALomonderfulLife · 29/12/2007 21:05

That's a shame Don't let them spoil it for you! Congratulations

Janni · 29/12/2007 21:06

Our third child was adopted and I think we got about two congrats. cards, as opposed to about a hundred with the first baby. Congratulations though, I'm sure your third baby will be just lovely. x

MorocconOil · 29/12/2007 21:07

Oh and Congratulations. 3 is lovely number!

katylessbumpy · 29/12/2007 21:13

my family did the same when i announced our 3rd.they now say they coudn't imagine her not being here.
congratulations,3 is busy but great fun

coby · 29/12/2007 21:15

HA! Same here. No one mentions my third pg only one close friend who I hardly see right now. Family on both sides have barely acknowledged it at all despite the fact I am now 20 weeks.

Also DH work colleagues told him how his life was now ruined by overwhelming committments yeah, like two is no committment at all

tbh, I care not, got pregnant for myself not for attention but it does still make me wonder why when pg with DD1 I was not allowed to forget it for a second 'should you be doing that while pregnant?' etc etc yet with PG3 I am expected to carry a heavy basket of wood for 100metres to stock up the fireplace and not make 'a fuss'

kathrynharriet · 29/12/2007 21:15

When we found out we were having dc3, dp phoned and told his mother and she said, "oh what have you done that for?" I was having this conversation with a friend of mine who has 4 and another who is expecting her 5th. Once the baby is born family tend to come round all fussy and arguing over who he/she looks like most! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

Original poster
MerryKIFmas · 29/12/2007 21:15

The one person who is super can't-contain herself excited about the third is... Dd1! (Bless) . She's in full can I stroke the bump/when is baby coming/let's choose some clothes for baby mode

Thanks, Stacey and everyone. I thought I would have it all sussed by now, but this third pregnancy has somehow had a lot more 'emotional issues'.

And - while I'm onto moaning...

I handed down all Dds clothes to DNiece. DSil then stored the clothes in her mum's garage, who threw them out 'to make space'. I'm a bit upset I wasn't asked if I might want them - there were some gorgeous dresses there that would have been nice for new baby to wear. My second was a boy, so really I'll have to start from scratch on clothes. Grrr. Poor new monkey will end up in white ASDA babygrows for her first year, probably.

OP posts:
lovecattlearelowing · 29/12/2007 21:19

Congrats!

My SIL had the same reception to her 3rd pregnancy from her parents - in her case it was because her relationship with (now ex)DH was already strained, she was determined to be a SAHM (not wanting to start a row about that, it was just what she wanted) and her DH was already doing 3 jobs to keep a roof over their heads - the ILs were openly staggered that she was going to have another child (like the DH had nowt to do with it) when their finances weren't great. DS3 is a lovely little boy and they were wonderful with him from day 1, I think it was just the thought of 3 that shocked them, the reality wasn't so bad!

Miaou · 29/12/2007 21:28

It's fairly typical to get less and less interest from family/friends with each subsequent pregnancy. I was kind of lucky in a way, as dh and I had always planned on having four, so it wasn't a great surprise when I announced my fourth pregnancy (also dh is one of four, and his db had already had four children, so not unusual!). However the response we got was more "oh, thought you might be" rather than "oooh! wonderful!". But hey, I don't really care, I love love love my big family! (and yes, I frequently get "you must be mad/how do you cope" etc and I love it!)

Doodletoyou · 29/12/2007 21:33

Message withdrawn

Staceym11PipersPiping · 29/12/2007 21:35

oh KIF, i would offer you clothes but i only have 18 months +, sorry me lovely!

im sure you can get some lovely things off people on here for not a huge amount of money!

im still a bit shocked you're having another so soon, i couldnt cope with k and a new baby, but he likes to act like a baby still, with dd i would have been ok as she was an independant little madam!

glad dd is getting into it! it's nice when they are happy you're pg!

dd used to talk to ds through my tummy telephone (belly button)!

pollypumpkin · 29/12/2007 21:38

Congratulations!! .

We have 3 DDs. And your story sounds familiar to me. (DH's side somewhat aghast/bemused; my side - pleased but less than hysterical about it).

I had a lot of the "well I suppose you are trying for a boy then, now you have 2 girls". Well, no, actually.. you presumptuous people!

When I had DD1, people I had never even HEARD of sent me cards/presents etc. etc. By the time I got to DD3, it wasn't quite like that. But did it matter? No, not one bit. I had a beautiful 3rd baby.. and now nearly 8 years down the line, I have 3 dc that I love to bits and they all love the fact they have 2 siblings each. Enjoy every minute!! And think of the long term.

BroccoliSpears · 29/12/2007 21:38

I suppose with the first you're not just announcing that you're having a baby; you're telling everyone that your life is going to change in every way. That's big news. With subsequent children it is a change, but not such a massive change.

Congratulations!!!

(Am only on my second here and everyone seems to have lost interest. Gawd knows if I'll even remember to mention #3 to the family when the time comes.)

petunia · 30/12/2007 08:36

As others have said, it's normal. We have 3 DDs now but my 3rd pg (which I later miscarried), my MIL said, "Not again" when we told them. When we announced that I was expecting DD3 after the mc, there was a bit more excitement but it's like the novelty of having another grandchild has worn off.
Congratulations on your news. Don't let their reactions get you down.

MaryAnnSingleton · 30/12/2007 08:47

congratulations from me, if that's any consolation

DontDreamItBeIt · 30/12/2007 08:54

I had a similar response to PollyPumpkin....We have two dds and ayone who said anything at all tende o assume we were trying for a boy. Once ds was born I also got los of congratulations from virtual stranges on thefac ha I had "got my boy"

We wanted a hird child,and would have been just as happy with three girls.

The inlaws were so underwhelmed, that sil didn't find out til after ds was born.

justabouttosplashoutinthesales · 30/12/2007 09:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.