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Original poster

Is it normal to have a lukewarm reception to announcing your third?

106 replies

MerryKIFmas · 29/12/2007 20:59

I guess it does get a bit repetitive for people on the outside...

My mum was very pleased about my third pregnancy... but from Dh's side we've been deafened by the silence. When we went down at Christmas, it was clear that virtually none of the family friends knew the news - the only one that congratulated us said "I didn't know until XXX mentioned that at least you'd stopped throwing up in time to eat the turkey" . . It's like I've announced a medical condition, not a pregnancy.

The only chat about the subject was like "and you think you're getting no sleep now!" and "so what are you allowed to eat then?" and "you're mad".

Do you think people disapprove (!) ? As though there's and impression that 3rd baby equals Dh being trapped by overwhelming family commitments?

OP posts:
carmenelectra · 30/12/2007 13:28

ive just had my second and defo not so much interest this time round except for my sis and friends at work(who didnt know me when had ist). Also we are definitely going for third and people have again said "are you mad?
"You will never cope" (what a cheek, how do they know and none of their business anyway)

"its only cos you want a girl" Partly true, but id have another even if i could see into the future and its a third boy.

MIL looked shocked when she heard me saying we are gonna try for another next yr(actually, it will soon be this yr!) i think she is worried about her poor son and all these kids!

Also she did say when i was preg this time when i said i thought it would be my last(cahnged mind since then!) that its probably best cos of my age. ok so i am 37 and it does worry me abit but thanks!

Anyway, i will prove everyone wrong and make sure i do cope(and get a girl!) and as for MIL well, none of her buisiness cos its not like she helps me with them, so i dont know why she is worried!!!

ivykaty44 · 30/12/2007 13:31

Fantastic news! - congratulations from me

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 30/12/2007 17:56

Nothing compares to the excitement from people when you announce your first child is on the way. I think my IL's were distinctly underwhelmed when we announced number 3 was coming. I think most people couldn't see why we were having more as we already had both sexes.

CharlieAndLolasMummy · 30/12/2007 18:05

Whats struck me 3rd time around is that you get MUCH less consideration from strangers.

For example, no one stands up on the Tube when you have 2 little kids with you already. No one offers to do much for you (except in my case my family and dp, who HAVE been great)

I think part of the problem might be that we have small age gaps-around 2 years each.

OTOH 37 people so far have said to me "gosh-you WILL have your hands full, won't you?" (to which I think the only sane reply might be "oh feck off")

CharlieAndLolasMummy · 30/12/2007 18:08

oh yes, NAB, have had that too

specifically "but why would you want another-you've got one of each already"

Nothing much can compare to MIL's response though "I'm too shocked to speak-I just don't know WHAT to say-why must you reject everything we stand for?" (they only had two kids, and clearly we are having 3, not because we were careless, or even because we, following said carelessness, after due consideration, thought we wanted to, but because we wanted to piss them off by spending the next 20 years being skint )

Troubledowntmill · 30/12/2007 18:14

why must you reject everything we stand for?

They stand for only having two children? What a very strange thing to stand for.

Stand up for symmetry! Two parents, two children! Everything else is unseemly!

cazboldy · 30/12/2007 18:16

No.... i like prime numbers! 2...5...7...11

NorthernLurkerwithastarontop · 30/12/2007 18:18

Family were pleased but also surprised - there is six years between dd2 and dd3 - I spent a lot of time whilst pregnant saying - 'Oh yes well we just felt we weren't done yet and would love to have a third child' - because I couldn't stand the unspoken 'Was it an accident, are you trying for a boy' that hung in the air. Of course sometimes people actually said it - and then I got cross After she was born apparently quite a lot of folk said to my Dad 'oh are they disappointed with another girl' - he was suitably firm with them on my behalf!

scorpio1 · 30/12/2007 18:29

My parents were over the moon when i announced db3, in-laws were quietly chuffed.

other people however have been mostly negative. alot of comments about no sleep now, you must be mad, etc etc. lots of questions as if to suggest that db3 was an accident - she took me 6 mths to conceive and 18mths to persuade dp so she is very very precious to me, i hate it when people suggest she was accidental. others have even asked how we will afford them - (urrrr dp's job maybe?!?)

Others have said nothing on tv, dp should tie a knot in it, etc etc. I started saying that we love sex with each other and just cant contain ourselves.

I asked my Mum about these reactions (she has 3 of us, all girls) and she said people were the same then. Apparently something about 2 being normal and anymore than that then there is something wrong with you. Sadly i think that is partly true.

I would four children, as well as keeping my dss.

CharlieAndLolasMummy · 30/12/2007 18:30

3 is a prime number

scorpio1 · 30/12/2007 18:31

oh and because db3 is a girl (our only) people have said 'oh you must be thrilled to have a girl'

Yes, i am. i'm thrilled to have a HEALTHY BABY
thankyou, with arms legs and a head. i dont care what baby has down there, would make no difference to me.

morningpaper · 30/12/2007 18:36

I must admit I'm never sure what to SAY to people when they announce pregnancies - whatever question you ask is generally the wrong one!!!

Congratulations though!

Original poster
MerryKIFmas · 30/12/2007 18:49

Morningpaper - from my experience saying something vaguely positive would be good. Frankly, even if it's not planned, once it's announced I'm not sure how it helps for other people to be cynical.

I've just read this thread out to my Dh - it's really cheered him up. He thought his family were just peculiar. He's just come back from another w/e seeing his nan/ some of his friends, and he's admitted that he's been asked 'are you catholic?' , 'have you heard of contraception?' , 'you'll have to move house then'. Apparently he asked his Nan straight out if she'd heard the news, and he got back 'Yes, quite'. He's been very at the stories here.

I especially love the conotation that you must be sex maniacs if you can't contain yourself at 2 dcs!

OP posts:
cazboldy · 30/12/2007 19:23

so it is charlieandLolasmummy

kerala · 30/12/2007 19:34

Some people believe anything more than 2 is selfish due to overpopulation. Maybe its that?

derlorfeelsabout90 · 30/12/2007 19:43

I had my 3rd in June and had similar level of bewilderment to a lot of you - i already had a boy and a girl and most people just couldn't understand why i would possibly want another one
"but you've already got one of each!" was the usual response
I now have 3 beautiful children a boy and 2 girls
(hardly got any gifts for DD2 either BTW!)

So congratulations from me, 3 is a fab number x

Bainmarie · 30/12/2007 19:51

We have had a very similar response too. Some good ones, but a lot of 'are you mad', 'was it planned'; 'I can't believe you are pregnant again' and a constant refrain from sister of 'how WILL you cope'; 'you'll be soooooooooo busy' etc etc etc. I agree, three is really seen as outside the norm.

I may start using your response scorpio1! (especially if I am lucky enough to have a dc4 in the future!)

smallwhitecat · 30/12/2007 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PaulaYatesbiggestfan · 30/12/2007 19:58

kittymas pudding i am about to do just that am am arming myself with responses

KITTYmaspudding · 30/12/2007 20:02

Paula do you mean you're about to announce no.6?

Bumblelion · 30/12/2007 20:08

When I had my third, first = girl, second = boy - people didn't know what to say because I had one of each, why on earth would we want another>

... because we wanted another baby.

Those that were pleased for us knew that we wanted this baby, those that were not 'kind' thought we were mad (which in hindsight I may have been, because me and h split up when she was 11 weeks old).

A very good friend of mine taught me to be 'kind'. When I was (a lot) younger I felt jealous/envious of those who had more than me (physically, mentally, materialistically. etc.) but she was so kind, so happy for someone when anything good happened that she has made me into the person that I am today that I now feel pleased when anything nice happens to anyone (whether it be new car, holidays, decorating, family happiness).

I now feel sorry for those people that cannot be 'kind' because something is missing in their lives that stops them from being nice.

PaulaYatesbiggestfan · 30/12/2007 20:46

kittymas!

YeahBut · 30/12/2007 20:52

Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got really fed up with people hinting or openly asking whether our third pregnancy was planned. We were so chuffed to be having another (much wanted) baby so it was a bit deflating to have such a muted response.

TheDuchessOfNorksBride · 30/12/2007 21:00

Having read the rest of the responses, I'd wager that the number of existing grandchildren elsewhere in the family probably has quite an effect, particularly on the reactions of our parents.

My DCs are my mothers 5th, 6th, 7th & soon-to-be 8th grandchildren and frankly, the novelty has worn off! Similar on DHs side. Plus our DCs are a lot younger than the other grandchildren and our ageing parents are finding it harder to cope with them.

divamummy2 · 30/12/2007 21:09

congratulations.
babies are lovely
ignore them people, i dont know why people tend to respond like that
as long as you and dh happy, i shouldnt worry too much.