Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it normal to have a lukewarm reception to announcing your third?

106 replies

MerryKIFmas · 29/12/2007 20:59

I guess it does get a bit repetitive for people on the outside...

My mum was very pleased about my third pregnancy... but from Dh's side we've been deafened by the silence. When we went down at Christmas, it was clear that virtually none of the family friends knew the news - the only one that congratulated us said "I didn't know until XXX mentioned that at least you'd stopped throwing up in time to eat the turkey" . . It's like I've announced a medical condition, not a pregnancy.

The only chat about the subject was like "and you think you're getting no sleep now!" and "so what are you allowed to eat then?" and "you're mad".

Do you think people disapprove (!) ? As though there's and impression that 3rd baby equals Dh being trapped by overwhelming family commitments?

OP posts:
larry5 · 30/12/2007 09:15

To get a positive response when you announce that you are pregnant for the third time you could try doing what I did. I had a 15 year gap between ds2 and dd so I think everyone was shocked and then very positive. My mother said I had should have had a third child 10 years earlier but everyone has loved dd who is now 15.

Mind you I did feel like getting a t-shirt which said "This was not a mistake" as dh and I had decided that we wanted a third child.

Original poster
MerryKIFmas · 30/12/2007 10:17

larry5 - I'll order a dozen of those Tshirts - in size 12 ladies and size XL mens please.

OP posts:
lalalonglegs · 30/12/2007 10:19

Congratulations. Yes, people's reactions to my third pregnancy have been: "But why? You already have a boy and a girl" as if you only have children to balance out some sort of gender inequality and "Oooh, was it planned?" as if they can't imagine wanting third child for its own sake.

Even midwives say: "Well, we won't be seeing much of you because you know the ropes by now." Ho hum - just met woman who is having her fifth so I suppose reactions could be a lot worse

imdreamingofawhiteKITTYmas · 30/12/2007 10:30

Oh yes I had the same when I announced my third pregnancy last July (sadly I lost the baby) but am again 12 weeks pregnant.

I got

"obviously a mistake"
"are you mad?"
"do you have a TV?"
"are you trying for a boy then?"
"you are just having another so you don't have to go back to work"
"you will have to move where are you going to put it?"

when I mc the baby in August I got
"maybe it's for the best 3 would have been expensive" (from my mother!)
"are you going to try again or just leave it?"

people eh?

lazarou · 30/12/2007 10:35

I'd like another one, I can't imagine how much harder it is with three. I thought one was hardc work until i had two. I always thought that two would only be twice the work, oh how wrong i was.
Congratulations though you lucky thing.

KITTYmaspudding · 30/12/2007 10:36

ha, ha, ha, imagine what sort of reception I got when announcing my 6th .

My mum actually suggested an abortion, she didn't use that word but said there were ways of dealing with these things.

JodieG1 · 30/12/2007 10:37

Congratulations, I have 3 and I generally found people were pleased, didn't get any funny comments either. We already had a girl and a boy but ds2 was a surprise a very lovely one though.

lazarou · 30/12/2007 10:39

Am getting really broody now, but we only have a two bedroom house. Although we do have a very large bedroom......we could be like the pontipines.

SatsumaMoon · 30/12/2007 10:42

oh yes I also had the "was it planned" question from both sets of grandparents... ironic from mine in particular as I have 4 siblings! Again we already had one dd and one ds so people seemed to think we were exceeding our quota!

madamy · 30/12/2007 10:44

I had 2 dds and constantly got the "oh you're hoping for a boy" comments with my 3rd preg as if that was the only reason for having a 3rd!

My 3 are close together - dd1 not quite 4 and dd2 19mths when ds born (yes, I did have a boy!) and they're now 4.7, 2.3 and 7 mths and it's MAD but great fun!

Congratulations!

pinetreedog · 30/12/2007 10:52

response was far more muted for my second so I'm sure it would have been tumbleweed for a third if I'd had one. My mum views her third accidental pregnancy as one of the darkest times of her life so that would've affected her response.

talulasmum · 30/12/2007 11:17

cngratulations!

was the same for me with our 3rd. (from pretty much everyone) and when i announced my 4th it was just eyes up to heaven.
my mum actually said "are you ever going to stop" i did stop at 4.

cazboldy · 30/12/2007 11:31

try not to let them spoil it for you. i have 5, and know exactly what you mean,
actually my mum has never congratulated me with any of my pg. i was 14 when i got pg with ds1 and of course they were understandably very angry at that time, but this has sort of clouded over all of my subsequent pregnancies.
before she even looked at dd2 when she was born, she said"don't you dare have any more!" i don't think she realises (or cares) that we love having a big family, she sees it all as an accident. but sod her! it's not like i ask her to pay for them or look after them. my sister has 1ds and my mum looks after him 4 days a week! ( and me the other) i think she sees us as a huge embarrasment!

anyway congratulations!

TrinityRhinoWantsAnIpod · 30/12/2007 11:34

hmmm I got 'oh your husbands wants you to have a boy then' when told about 3rd pg

beep beeep beeep

SpacecadetLovesChristmas · 30/12/2007 11:39

well, most people were very enthusiastic when I announced baby number 3 as he was my first baby with my new dh..however when we announced baby number 4..everyone was horrified..and I got the usual jokes about there being nothing on the telly etc..however when she was born everyone was chuffed to bits..the reaction I got when baby number 5 was on the way, I wont mention..baby number 5 wasnt to be.

congratulations on your pregnancy..take no notice..if anyone says anything tell them you will be having a 4th baby too to even up the numbers

discoverlife · 30/12/2007 11:41

I was told I was being irrisponsible and that nobody should have more than two as it increases the world population.

maximummummy · 30/12/2007 11:48

CONGRATULATIONS
CONGRATULATIONS
CONGRATULATIONS

duchesse · 30/12/2007 11:59

Same happened to us. It was horrible. It took my mother in law a full year to come to terms with the birth of our third. She made me pay for it, I can tell you.

duchesse · 30/12/2007 12:01

Just remembered a complete stranger coming up to me in Saisnbury's about three weeks after the birth of my third and telling me about this brilliant new injectible contraceptive. Bloody cheeky mare. I told her that my husband and I were already planning our fourth. That soon got rid of her...

VictorianSqualor · 30/12/2007 12:02

Same here, I'm pg with my third, and I get 'wow, you're going to be a mum of THREE' as if it's really shocking.
Can't wait for the reaction when we announce our fourth

JacanneAbox · 30/12/2007 12:04

Congratulations - here's to a happy and healthy pregnancy.

If it makes you feel any better we've had a very negative reaction to the very idea that we might try for a third. From "You're too old now really" (I'm 37) to "Oh for God's sake, what do you want another one for" from my BIL.

orangehead · 30/12/2007 12:11

Well I think it is wonderful news, congratulations.
My mum has already told me she doesnt want me to have a third, she complains enough when she baby sits now, wouldnt mind but she only babysits about once every 6 months. Stuff the family, if you and dh happy thats all that matters

KITTYmaspudding · 30/12/2007 12:44

I don't get it, three children is not a lot of children

TheDuchessOfNorksBride · 30/12/2007 12:58

My FIL asked me if I was Irish when we announced our 4th. Then asked if it were an accident.

Our 3rd baby received very few presents and a lot less guests at her christening. It doesn't worry me, she's our baby, our family and everyone else can get on with their own lives. miserable fuckers

SueBaroo · 30/12/2007 13:17

There is this ever-so-slightly odd assumption that 3 is a 'large family'. I have friends with 10+ so 3 just doesn't qualify as big to me.

My dad outright suggested an abortion with number three for me, so lukewarmness seems like a celebration in comparison