To ask for my money back and end this friendship

[KeeG8181]

Hi everyone.

Last January I lent a "friend" a substantial amount of money that I had saved up. They claimed to be going through financial abuse at the time and needed help getting away. Going through that myself I wanted to help and my head was all over the place. She repaid £100, whilst being "financially abused" she has managed to live off Domino's pizza and afford nice clothes and shoes on a weekly basis. But has never once offered to pay back what she owes me.

This "friend" left in November, she has paid to have her new home professionally decorated, alongside sky TV, endless amounts of clothes and shoes, piercings and tattoos, £1000 laptops and phones. I haven't been offered a penny back.

She messaged me today informing me that once she gets her student loan in September she's buying a car. I haven't replied. I'm so hurt that she couldn't even be bothered to pay back even a fiver a week but I'm worried I've left it too late.

I don't wanna continue a one sided friendship anyway but I haven't got much confidence myself and I'm not very forthcoming so I have no idea how to ask for it back.

I am sorry that your friend is treating you this way - that’s just shit. Clearly she is not a true friend, so don’t worry about being nice . Just text her ‘ Friend, glad to hear things are going so much better for you. Please remember you owe me £x. I would like to work out a payment schedule with you . I suggest £y per week/ month to enable it to be paid off before Z date’

And it’s a horrible way to learn that you don’t lend what you cannot afford to lose.

"Hi, it's great to see you're getting on so much better now. Can you let me know your plan for paying back the £x that I loaned you in January 2021 please? I was thinking £250/ month would be best, but if you want to pay all at once that's fine too obviously. Speak soon xxx"

I suspect you'll say no, but was there any kind of formal agreement around this - or even texts/emails to show it was a loan instead of a gift?

If so I guess you could try the small claims route, but more likely it'll be an expensive lesson learned

Sorry, cross posted with a near identical message. If she doesn't start paying back immediately then just block her, it isn't worth excessive effort with someone who won't pay back.

Can you prove you lent it to her? I suspect you struggle to get the money back.

@JustUseTheDoorSanta

"Hi, it's great to see you're getting on so much better now. Can you let me know your plan for paying back the £x that I loaned you in January 2021 please? I was thinking £250/ month would be best, but if you want to pay all at once that's fine too obviously. Speak soon xxx"

^ this .^

Big girl pants. She can afford to pay you back now.

How much does she owe you? Ask for it back. Obviously she has the money.

Have you asked for the money back? If you say nothing, youre letting her walk all over you.

Just ask. Practice it in the mirror or send a text. In fact in writing may be best because if she acknowledges it then its proof of sorts if you wanted to take her to small claims

If you don't the friendship will be over anyway because of the resentment so nothing to lose. How much was it?

Does she think you gave her the money.
If you are going to ditch this friendship anyways you should ask for it back. Dont think you will get it but worth a shot.

Just ask her. Don’t end the friendship yet. Tell her your boiler broke or something so you’re desperate. Then dump her.

It’s not clear if you are waiting for her to offer, or if you have even asked her. Reply to her text re the car and say you’d like to ensure she repays your LOAN before she buys a car, and suggest €x per week starting now.

The lesson for all of us here is to write down what you lend someone with an agreed payment schedule and you both sign it. Doesn’t anyone watch Judge Rinder?

You've got nothing at all to lose by asking her when she plans to pay you back.
At the very least you'll be gaining some self respect, sticking up for yourself showing her you're no doormat.
I wouldn't expect getting all the money but you may get a bit of it back.
If she cuts ties you're not losing a friendship either as a true friend wouldn't treat you as she is.

Oh OP, I hate how money often comes between friends (not your fault!) sadly it is an expensive lesson and lending to friends is always underwritten as "could I afford to loose this money?"
I agree with the message PP wrote... I'm glad you're back on your feet, could we discuss a payment plan for the ££ I leant you ? Etc...

If she's anyway nasty, defensive or says no she's not your friend.
I'm sorry !

Why haven’t you asked her?
Why don’t you ask her?

It isn’t too late and you would be mad to end the friendship without even asking… because I’m asking, what do you have to lose but the friendship?

In response to the car message reply “sounds great but before you splash out in the car, don’t forget the £xxx I lent you! I really need it back ASAP so can you let me know when you can return it? Instalments starting now will be ok if that’s easier? “.

Say ' Hi. Glad to hear you are getting a car. Please remember that you owe me x amount. Installments of x monthly would be great if easier. Happy to wait for your loan to come in.'

Please keep records/screenshots of all messages and have evidence of her owing /acknowledging she owes you money because you can go to the small claims court if necessary. Don't let her take the piss, been there myself, it's awkward and horrible but don't be taken for a mug.

Agree with WhiteXmas21. She is being a CF and you really don't have anything to lose. She might respond to a super-nice message rather than go on the offensive so how about something like : “oh that is such wonderful news. I am so so happy for you that you have really come out of the other end of your awful time with . So delighted that I could help you out at the time! Now, how would you like to pay back the £xxx I lent you? If not all in one go (which I totally get) how about £xxx per month? Then it will be all cleared by x time and we can go out and celebrate your wonderful new life”.

I once lent a friend only 100...said she didnt have money to buy food etc as working pt etc....her life was always chaos and had 4 vehicles and a spoilt son....she bought him a real Gucci belt a few weeks later...i blocked her etc as that was the last straw in her needy and selfish behaviour..no loss....dreaded seeing her anyway due to the needy rants....hope it wasnt too much money you lent...pop note thro door maybe...keep a copy...

To add...where is she getting the money from for this spending spree...is it all credit and loans or does she actually have money..??

Tell her if she doesn't start to repay you, you'll take her to the small claims court. I did this, they starting repaying me, although I never did get the full amount back, but better than nothing.

Just google small claims court, it takes you to the gov.uk site. The fees are on a sliding scale, but are not excessive.

Sometimes you just have to get tough with people who disrespect you like this, no matter how hard it is. She obviously thinks you're an easy target, who she can then fob off. Show her she can't. Good luck!

@IwishICouldTurnBackTime

Tell her if she doesn't start to repay you, you'll take her to the small claims court. I did this, they starting repaying me, although I never did get the full amount back, but better than nothing.

Just google small claims court, it takes you to the gov.uk site. The fees are on a sliding scale, but are not excessive.

Sometimes you just have to get tough with people who disrespect you like this, no matter how hard it is. She obviously thinks you're an easy target, who she can then fob off. Show her she can't. Good luck!

Agree get a formal letter drawn up

Agree with pp.
The friendship is not salvageable now.

At least you can try to get your money back.

just a glad to hear things are better. When will you repay me the £X you borrowed?

Good luck.

When are you going to text then?!