To ask for my money back and end this friendship

[KeeG8181]

Hi everyone.

Last January I lent a "friend" a substantial amount of money that I had saved up. They claimed to be going through financial abuse at the time and needed help getting away. Going through that myself I wanted to help and my head was all over the place. She repaid £100, whilst being "financially abused" she has managed to live off Domino's pizza and afford nice clothes and shoes on a weekly basis. But has never once offered to pay back what she owes me.

This "friend" left in November, she has paid to have her new home professionally decorated, alongside sky TV, endless amounts of clothes and shoes, piercings and tattoos, £1000 laptops and phones. I haven't been offered a penny back.

She messaged me today informing me that once she gets her student loan in September she's buying a car. I haven't replied. I'm so hurt that she couldn't even be bothered to pay back even a fiver a week but I'm worried I've left it too late.

I don't wanna continue a one sided friendship anyway but I haven't got much confidence myself and I'm not very forthcoming so I have no idea how to ask for it back.

I agree- small claims court. There’s no way she’ll be decent enough to pay you back otherwise. There’s no friendship to save, she’s wrecked that. And ignore anything she says, she’ll turn the sob story back on for sure. That’s a large amount of money- do not let her steal it!!

If it's documented then you have a sound basis to go to the small claims court. But be aware that even when judgment is given in your favour she might not pay, then you are into instructing bailiffs etc.

I would start with asking for the full sum back, make some excuse about needing for some urgent repair, medical treatment etc. to counter her attempts to make you feel bad. Be prepared to always have this kind of reason up your sleeve.

If necessary agree a payment plan but it needs to end before September - she shouldn't be buying a car if she still owes you money.

When you have all the money (but not before), dump and block.

Text her and tell her you would like your money back. Anymore shit excuses then your next move should be the small claims court, if you have a paper trail this should be straightforward and in your favour. When you message her make sure you word it something like 'The loan of £1850 I gave you on xx date, I would like it returned' as any acknowledgement can be used as additional proof. Keep/screenshot any other written communications if there is evidence. Don't let the CF get away with it, you loaned that money to her in good faith and she has shat all over it.

Oh this has happened to me too. I lent a friend who was hard up a £1000 with earnest promises to repay it in installements. Needless to say, this never happened.

Never again will I lend anyone money. If you're asked to, tell them to try elsewhere (like a bank).

My guess is you certainly won't get more than a grudging few quid back without getting a county court judgment against her, and even then I'd say you'd struggle to enforce the judgment.

(People like that tend to regard requests to repay the loan as an affront. They often acknowledge that the debt exists in some sort of theoretical way, but the idea that any money that passes through their hands should be used to repay it rather than for their own enjoyment is just not within their world view.)

Never again will I lend anyone money. If you're asked to, tell them to try elsewhere (like a bank).

Exactly. And the fact that the bank will not lend it to them tells you (and them) something very important about the chances of it ever being paid back! (In fact if the bank doesn't think they'll get the money back with all the enforcement options they have at hand then you have fuck all chance.)

I’d ask one more time by text, if she doesn’t respond then I’d go the court route.

You need to ask her for this cash

And it’s a horrible way to learn that you don’t lend what you cannot afford to lose Same as gambling I'm afraid, and loaning money is always a gamble .

Ouch, that is a lot of money. You have got to try and ask for it back. She is relying on you being too passive and embarrassed to ask for it.

I like the phrase used by a previous poster but I wouldn't suggest a payment plan. I'd keep it simple.

"Before you splash the cash on a car I really need the money I lent you back. It's been a year now and I need the money as soon as possible. Here are my bank details. XXXXXXXX. Can you let me know your plans."

I wouldn't make apologies or excuses.

The friendship is over anyway as you no longer trust her and feel resentful that she takes you for a mug.

Get tough and send her, in writing, notice that you want the loan repaid within 30 days and failure to do so will leave you no option but to take her to Court.

I would ask for the full amount still owed and I would ask by text. “I’m so pleased to hear how well things are going for you now. It’s great news as I need you to pay me back what you owe me (£x).”
If this doesn’t work, then one further text, “I need to you pay me what you owe me (£x) or I will have to take a formal route to get the money back”.
Then small claims court.

Wasn't that message a good time to point you that she needed to repay her loan to you first?

You need to put it in writing now - you know that money I loaned you, I do need it back as it was my life savings, so can we please now set up a repayment plan now you have had enough time to get yourself back on your feet.

I suggest X amount per week, can you set up a standing order into my savings account, here are the details, first repayment to start on X date.

If she doesn't respond to that then small claims court.

@LetsGoParty

Ouch, that is a lot of money. You have got to try and ask for it back. She is relying on you being too passive and embarrassed to ask for it.

I like the phrase used by a previous poster but I wouldn't suggest a payment plan. I'd keep it simple.

"Before you splash the cash on a car I really need the money I lent you back. It's been a year now and I need the money as soon as possible. Here are my bank details. XXXXXXXX. Can you let me know your plans."

I wouldn't make apologies or excuses.

This is perfect!

It’s worth trying to communicate directly if you’re going to cut off the friendship anyway. She can only kick off.

If you’re willing to end the friendship over it, then surely you might as well ask for the money back.

Honestly, people who ‘hate confrontation’ (doesn’t everyone?) to the extent that they’ll opt to lose nearly £2K deserve everything they get.

SHe's not your friend.

Tell her you expect to be paid back immediately or you're taking her to court.

She isn't a friend so I would consider Small Claims court for this.

Why on earth haven't you said anything to her?

I'm going to copy and paste one of these as a text as I am a complete coward.

I do resent her completely. Whenever she mentions getting anything new I just think piss off wheres my money.

Ask her to loan the amount to you that she owes you and then don't repay it, or tell her that now she's in a better place financially she has to pay you back either in full or by instalments, you loaned her the money in good faith and she's a cheeky cow, take her to small claims court, she's obviously got money if she's spending hand over foot, she's not a friend she's a freeloading cheeky fucker.

I’m so sorry, you sound so kind and have learnt a hard lesson.

Send her a letter stating your intention to go to court in 30 days if she doesn’t repay, if she doesn’t the online small claims court is very, very easy to use.

Don't let it go!! Get all your money back, then cut her off.

If you want the money more than the friendship (and I would if I was in your shoes) I would be insistent about the repayment scheme and then once it's repaid go low contact till it's no contact.

Only lend what you can afford to lose