To ask for my money back and end this friendship

[KeeG8181]

Hi everyone.

Last January I lent a "friend" a substantial amount of money that I had saved up. They claimed to be going through financial abuse at the time and needed help getting away. Going through that myself I wanted to help and my head was all over the place. She repaid £100, whilst being "financially abused" she has managed to live off Domino's pizza and afford nice clothes and shoes on a weekly basis. But has never once offered to pay back what she owes me.

This "friend" left in November, she has paid to have her new home professionally decorated, alongside sky TV, endless amounts of clothes and shoes, piercings and tattoos, £1000 laptops and phones. I haven't been offered a penny back.

She messaged me today informing me that once she gets her student loan in September she's buying a car. I haven't replied. I'm so hurt that she couldn't even be bothered to pay back even a fiver a week but I'm worried I've left it too late.

I don't wanna continue a one sided friendship anyway but I haven't got much confidence myself and I'm not very forthcoming so I have no idea how to ask for it back.

I'm going through this with an ex. I don't anticipate seeing the money again but the fact he'll have a CCJ which will destroy his credit gives me satusfaction that he's learned the hard way.. I know that sounds malicious but it's also fairly shit not paying back money owed.

And yes, you've learned a hard lesson here. Never ever lend more than 10 or 20 pounds at a time, would be my cold-hearted advice. I won't loan anyone anything unless they are someone I have known and trusted for years. And even then, don't loan more than you can afford to lose. Too many users out there.

What @LetsGoParty said is perfect. Absolutely spot on. Don’t be afraid of offending her, she is the cheekiest bitch and no friend to you.

You may have to accept you will never get the money back. Over a period of time I lent a very good friends over £2k in total because she was in an awful relationship and couldn’t tell him when she didn’t have her half of bills etc. She eventually decided we couldn’t be friends anymore and cut me off.

Try and get a repayment plan in place with her but prepare yourself for losing that money and don’t make the same mistake again!

I suspect that you will struggle to get this back. My suggestion would be that you say to her as it is a year since you lent it to her and she obviously has more money available now that you need a definite arrangement to pay. Infuriating but in my experience lending money to friends/family rarely works out well unless you are not bothered whether you get it back or not.

Message her asking if she has forgotten about the money she still owes you, as you really need it back as soon as possible. If she messages back saying she will pay it back when she can, tell her that isn’t any use. Say she has been telling you about all the money she has spent, so you don’t understand why that is more important than paying you back. Point out how good a friend you were to help her out, so please reciprocate and be a good friend by paying you back. If she still won’t pay you back, tell her that unfortunately you will have to take her to court and do so!

Ugh, I've done exactly the same with family. Bought her loads of furniture on 0% finance about 5yrs ago. Saw updates on FB a few weeks later. He was gambling, showing off his winnings & she was buying new clothes every week for her kids, plus endless supply of fags & booze.
I demanded she put together a plan to pay me back. We don't talk now but she still pays me. It'll literally take her 10yrs at the rate she's going, but it's the principle.

Message her back saying. You're taking the piss... you're doing all this and more and you owe me xyz. I need it back ASAP. Let's say withing a month.

I would tell her that she pays you back now or you take her to small claims court. The time for a repayment plan has passed.

OP, commence a claim against her in Court if she won’t repay the money.

Message her, say you're glad she's back on her feet and can afford a new car but you need your money back now, it was your savings and you need it. Don't take any crap excuses, she's been awful using your money, not giving it back and rubbing your face in it! Don't back down OP

Tell her you NEED the money. I can’t believe what a cf she is!

My Nan used to say
Never borrow
Never lend
That way you will never lose a friend
So true

take her to court - you have proof it was a loan

Texting her is a good idea, mentioning the amount she owes and her promises to pay.

This will be very useful proof of your agreement should you consider going the Small claims route.

I can't understand her waving all the new purchases under OP's nose though? Why would she do that if she wants to make out she can't afford to pay OP back?

Give her a deadline to pay all of it at once and threaten her with court. Let her loan money from someone else to pay you if she doesn't have enough. She's shameless! You have nothing to lose.

What exactly are you scared of? How can she treat you any worse than she already is?

Raise a claim against her in the Small Claims court. She might then pay up without having to go to court. The threat may just be enough to kick in the guilty gene.

You have to pay for Small Claims Court, so it's really worth considering the likelihood of actually getting the money back.

Save all her boastful texts etc about her spending habits and income, give one firm unapologetic message per the suggestions made on pg 1 of this thread, including a deadline for repayment and follow that up with a letter before action if need be. People stop treating you like shit when they realise you expect (and you deserve) better.
You are a kind heart OP and unfortunately there are many more people around who are cheeky fuckers and horrible scheming cunts than there are good honest real friends.

What @WhiteXmas21 said. Don’t be a doormat.

Give her a deadline, and say that if she has not paid you by then that you will take all the evidence you have to the small claims court, as you have no other option.

Never lend what you can't afford to lose.