Things that mostly only happen on mumsnet

[Imyourvenus]

Heres mine;

You must love MIL even if she is a bitch toad from hell

You must never say anything negative about anyone on benefits

Admitting to having no friends

Every 3rd person is NC with their family

Having a nanny

I’m sure I have more

Another mumsnet classic is to go on to the treads made by unmarried sahms posting in the depths of despair and helpfully tell them that they should have got married! There're are always a few really helpful posters who come along to offer up this nugget.

No one ever shouts at their children, husband. Everything must always be discussed calmly and maturely when in reality nobody does that.

Omg yes this, no one ever shouts and if you ever have you are abusive 🤦🏻

@VickyEadieofThigh

*In fairness that is true of every single parent I have ever spoken to. All children are either ahead or have some kind of SEND. No one ever has a perfect average child. Which is odd as the schools are full of them.*

I know, I'm a retired secondary school teacher!

Nobody ever admits that their dc is a bit thick not very bright, do they?

@Tillymintpolo

I once read that if your house is spotless then you must be working class because middle class people have better things to do !

Middle class people have room for a pony so have no time to hoover.

Pregnancy and lateral flow tests have to be posted so that all members are able to vote on whether it is negative or positive.

Oh and making use of your garden, god forbid you play music, have a bbq or let your dcs play in it.

Leaving your washing out overnight is trampy. Something about it getting darked on and spiders rubbing their willies on it.

@CanofCant

Oh and a fucking spa day is the cure for all ills.

This is said on every thread like this. I've never actually seen it suggested on MN.

And this thread is so tedious because it's trotted out about once a fortnight.

Elaborate breakfasts on Christmas morning.

Everyone has the money and storage to have separate duvets and covers.
Every dog owning mn netter picks up the poo every time.

People take the moral high ground simply by using the one word sentence: "Odd".

“Sat here in tears, myself and my partner live rurally, don’t drive and I’ve just missed the last bus out of here.”

Cosleeping is the answer to all sleep issues. For me, it just meant that my kids woke up the same number of times but I couldn't even sleep in between wake ups as my children manage to take up the entirety of a king size bed. I also cannot sleep while breastfeeding.

If you’ve got no money then take in ironing or do matches betting

Agree @EarringsandLipstick, been here since 2008 and have never once seen someone seriously suggest a spa day to resolve a problem.

It's a bit like the tedious "penis-beaker" incident that was mentioned a few times and now somehow defines MN for some despite dying down quickly after the media coverage.

The extreme dislike of 'confrontation' is something that strikes me very forcefully about a lot of MN threads. People get themselves into the most ridiculous positions, that cause them serious inconvenience or financial loss or worse, because they 'don't like confrontation'.

First, nobody 'likes' confrontation; second, what many of these threads define as 'confrontation' is generally, in the real world, having a clear and polite word.

If you get upset that you parents left their entire multimillion estate to your well off sibling and you got nothing you are 'grabby'

All badly behaved kids have SEN
Anyone over 50 and behaves badly has dementia
If your dh makes the slightest error then you should LTB
Attending weddings causes no end of angst
Picky tea, naice ham, ban froot shoots as work of the devil
Teenage lads have hollow legs

You must love your step children even if they are vile spoilt monsters.

@danadas

Everyone has a hobby that is so unique it cannot possibly be identified because otherwsie we will immediately know who you are due to said uniqueness of activity.

It's always, always cycling if it's the DH's unidentified hobby.

People say entirely reasonable things and the response is 'only on Mumsnet '.

People fret about middle names, and initials in case they spell out mildly amusing words like PAL/CAT/DOG.

Every other mother is a Narc.

Everybody earns AT LEAST £100K before bonuses even if they didn't inherit at least 3 houses or have a wealthy spouse/set of parents/inlaws etc to bail them out every five minutes.

Also, these amazing £100K jobs are there for the plucking even if you possess no qualifications, are unable to spell (though to be fair the lack of an edit option might be at least a partial reason there), left school at the age of 15, and live in an employment blackspot.

Oh, and anyone who doesn't earn that amount of money or has the temerity to be unemployed and need a bit of help is obviously just stupid/unambitious and should just move to where the jobs are or set themselves up as a £100K a year cleaner or healthcare assistant...

No one is allowed to check their partners phone even if they suspect an affair.
Others have access to each others passwords and trust each other implicitly.

Abnormally high levels of anxiety and other mental health issues.

PIL that overstep boundaries (but never parents).

Actual panic if someone in your household tests positive for covid.

It’s not possible to work FT if you have kids, and definitely not possible without family who provide childcare.

Women can’t be high earners as they’ve all given up their careers to look after kids because they all earn less than their husband (I don’t have a single friend from school or uni that has given up work after having kids).