Things that mostly only happen on mumsnet

[Imyourvenus]

Heres mine;

You must love MIL even if she is a bitch toad from hell

You must never say anything negative about anyone on benefits

Admitting to having no friends

Every 3rd person is NC with their family

Having a nanny

I’m sure I have more

Everyone lives "very rurally" but doesn't drive, or they need a 4x4. However they are the root of all evil and should be banned!

You can't share your hobby as it would be "outing" despite the fact 7 million other people share it.

You can never answer the door unless you have an appointment booked in triplicate.

You must be NC with at least half of your family.

I forgot the time I was called “obscene” when I said I did a load of washing a day with my 3 DC and a DH with a manual job which requires a clean set of uniform per day. Apparently it’s perfectly normal to just do 1 load per week.

You only get extremes on MN. Half seem to wash all bedding, towels and all clothing daily (if not more frequently) everyone else does 1 load a fortnight, if that.
And any thread about ironing has someone "hilariously" commenting "what is an iron?"

Nearly forgot, if you have money problems, you just ask for a promotion or retrain. Regardless of other life commitments, if you wanted it you would make it happen

@PizzaCrust putting butter in your coffee is an actual thing in keto diets, called bulletproof coffee

@stayathomer I don’t have a tumble dryer, I just hang my washing on a bog standard airer and it dries, not sure how you can go wrong with that!

[quote Tittyfilarious81]@Spidey66 you see the take in ironing posts on the threads about having no money where people are asking for advice and someone always suggests this[/quote]
Yes, I've seen it a fair bit. Plus 'become a childminder'. Like it's that easy.

@Sudename

Make a chicken last a week

🤣 this one.... does this really happen when you have kids??

Rear facing car seats when children aren’t babies any more. I don’t know anyone IRL who does this. Also getting rid of strollers at age 2. Somehow being able to collapse a pushchair before getting on a bus with no one to hold the child. I’ve never seen this. Not criticising any of the above, I’ve just never witnessed it outside of mumsnet

@Sparklingbrook, I’m shocked. I mean… you put your ds in a trolley at Asda, rather than in a sling as you perused your local farmers market. Shame on you. If only he’d been nibbling on a piece of lovingly hand made sour dough bread, rather than shop (not even bought yet) bread, all would have been fine.

[quote Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies]@Sparklingbrook, I’m shocked. I mean… you put your ds in a trolley at Asda, rather than in a sling as you perused your local farmers market. Shame on you. If only he’d been nibbling on a piece of lovingly hand made sour dough bread, rather than shop (not even bought yet) bread, all would have been fine.[/quote]
I know, this was in 1999. I didn't discover MN until 2011 so I had no idea just how wrong I was getting anything at that point.

People say they live ‘in a SW city’ as if it’s outing to say they live in Bristol along with almost half a million other people

Similar to this, people who post that they were in a supermarket that rhymes with Mesco or that they ordered clothes from Lew Nook.

JUST SAY TESCO AND NEW LOOK!

@Chuechebache

The only undisputed sympathy/compassion you get on MN is, if your DDog has died.

I don't know about that. The site is awash with 'so sorry to hear that you went through this, OP', even if, as recently, it was just a few things close to their use-by-date in a Asda order, and the endless, frankly witless, cloying parade of , , . I do wish people would piss off with the bloody .

I don't know about that. The site is awash with 'so sorry to hear that you went through this, OP', even if, as recently, it was just a few things close to their use-by-date in a Asda order, and the endless, frankly witless, cloying parade of , , . I do wish people would piss off with the bloody .

You sound lovely. (Based on one message which is entirely from your POV.)

Thanks, you to . And everything here is from their author's POV. Astonishing, eh?

There's that smiley face again. Being used just as i described.

@midsomermurderess

Thanks, you to . And everything here is from their author's POV. Astonishing, eh?

I was agreeing with you! People post flowers in the same way they say "You sound lovely, OP" after OP has posted one message.

Somehow being able to collapse a pushchair before getting on a bus with no one to hold the child. I’ve never seen this.

I’ve seen this once and it was truly impressive stuff. Looked like quite a young nanny with two toddlers, she stood holding the folded double buggy and got the two kids sat on one seat. People looked at her with actual admiration.

Cosleeping and breastfeeding are the answer to every parenting problem, even though all the lack of sleep threads concern… cosleeping and breastfeeding.

Block and delete even when they’ve been married for years
Generally blocking… just don’t reply
‘Deathgrip’

Weight loss programmes that focus on the radical concept of eating fewer calories and doing more exercise don't work in Mumsnet Land. Posters will recall experiences of putting on weight despite eating nothing but a sprinkle of Hoover dust on a single ryvita while doing 6 hours of spin classes daily.

Posters in relationships with large age differences will always be with a man who is way fitter and active then any other man half their age.

Calling people chav, grim, trashy, common, etc is apparently not offensive on Mumsnet. Who knew!

I don't know why my earlier message was deleted about the transphobia on the Feminist board. There is transphobia there in droves!!!

OP - "Can you please analyse this text message from my boyfriend?"

STONEHENGE!

Did you go to Stonehenge OP!

Did anyone mention Stonehenge?

Under no circumstances should you allow potential buyers to view your house more than once, as they're just looking to knock the price down / gazunder you after their offer has been accepted.

Sellers refusing you a second viewing of their house are clearly up to no good and are worse than war criminals.

Nobody should ever have anything to do with a first time buyer, as they are all spawn of the devil.

Can't afford to live where you need to live for your job? Why not just move to [insert remote location here] and/or find a job in a totally different line of work?

Everyone's spouse is abusive and everyone should leave the bastard

@RainbowBriteUk

I don't know why my earlier message was deleted about the transphobia on the Feminist board. There is transphobia there in droves!!!

I didn't see your comment, but people who complain about women protecting sex based rights do often seem to be incapable of doing it without some sort of misogynistic insult.